I have been possessed by this question for two years, since the first time I joined AA. I understood the idea that insanity is "doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results." But what was the opposite of that? Sanity. The concept and idea eluded me.
My original preconceived notion of sanity was being "normal," having it all together, being happy, living the American Dream. It was this impossible, unachievable dream! How could God restore ME to sanity? And what the hell was sanity? What was normal?
Tonight, with the help of my sponsor, it occured to me that sanity is having the choice whether or not to pick up the drink, or pick up the phone. Sanity is the Four Absolutes. Sanity is being honest enough with someone to share how you feel--even if your thoughts seem less than sane. Sanity is realizing the truth about yourself in the present moment. Recognizing what is a pure, true thought from God, or what is false. Sanity is being unselfish enough to care about someone other than yourself. Putting others' needs ahead of your own. Reaching out to another person helps not only you, but it helps them. How sane and beautiful is that! Sanity is being able to say you love another person AND you love yourself enough to get the help you need.
Sanity is not this perfect image of "normality." There's no such this as "normal" on this crazy planet, that's for sure!
I was going to write my thoughts in my journal tonight, but I thought they'd be better expressed here. Thanks for listening!
Good to see you posting and pondering tonight. I used to think the statement in the book, "For by then, sanity will have returned..." meant that a flaming chariot would come out of the sky with opalescent wings and a huge sword cutting down all insanity in my life.... LOL
For me, sanity is a teeny weeny simple truth where there once was none. It can be as simple as a new tiny voice in my head that says things like, "pick up the phone instead", or "walk away, Joni", or "Tell somebody about this", or "No, I really don't want that". For me, these teeny moments of 'sanity' often will change the course, if adhered to, of an entire day, week... who knows, maybe even my life.
Yet they are so small, and easy to overlook, and definitely not the firey chariot in the sky... so I missed the boat for a long time, not recognizing that I was being restored to sanity every single day by my Higher Power.
Thank you for the topic, HDog. You have a great sober day!!
