Well, for those that were here with my weekend-husband-situation, I have been moving real fast trying to avoid the onset of the "What-the F***'s"...
My "Full-Tilt-Whirl" is catching up with me.
So I'll just have to keep reaching out, keep praying, keep reading and focusing elsewhere, and keep being reminded that this is NOT a crisis, that THAT 24 hours is over, and that I am indeed a charter member of TODAY, not yesterday or tomorrow club.
Emotions like sorrow or happiness (or a smidge of mania) don't follow any logical rules, do they? But I try to remember, when stuff similar to this has come up in my life, it is a good time once the dust has settled, to find self-clarification. That's when I come to understand just a tiny bit more, about my values of what really constitutes my happiness--and sometimes the not so happy things are what makes us treasure the joys. Acceptance is a bitch, especially when it's accepting that the world really does go on that "carnival ride", and we aren't the ones with the control switch. When I go there, I need to go over and over, far too many times, what maintains my spirit. A passage I like in Night Lights:
"...We look upon Niagara and say, wonderful~thinking nothing at all that makes its glory and majesty possible. We look upon a man or woman of character; we are lost in admiration, but we omit to consider the thousand influences, conscious and unconscious, which have gone to make up the result." Stephen s. Wise
So, Joni, this when we know we're forming, and growing, into that person. We are, and will continue to be and build on, the total of the influences that touch us. Now I've just complicated the hell out of it, haven't I? Sorry, Phil. Just couldn't keep it simple tonight. Love Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Sometimes for me when I'm having troubles and I call someone they don't seem to bother me afterwards!!! Have you talked to anyone in the program? Sponsor, friend?
Not trying to be a jerk or anything. I just know how important contact is with friends in the program.
I hope by now you have gotten off that godawful ride!
Go back and read what you wrote to me on my Stuck on Something post. YOU are doing great. And because of you and all the other wonderful people on this board I ended up having a really good day and kept my mind where it belongs, on my business.
Sorry I don't have much to add. I feel like the blind leading the blind! :)
Someday I'll have all the answers and be able to solve all the problems. Oops, forgot I don't drink anymore! Guess I'll settle for knowing enough.
Cannot remember the passage, but we all know it, the one about being the calm in the center of the storm.
Only that secret place we go to, when we go in seach for God, has ever, ever been my respid, Step 11, Consious Contact, if only for a nano fleeting second can bring about an inner peace.
Emotional upheavals seem to be there, at times for all of us, in and out of the Program, but our truly Divinely inspired Steps, are really something that non-alcoholics do not have, I call them "Operating Instructions"
Hope so much you are finding some peaceful moments today, my friend.
yes, my little recovery bro, believe me, I have exhausted the ears of the fine women in my support group... LOL You never know what I am going to 'forget to do' these days though!! Keep reminding me of the tools, I don't care HOW obvious they are!! Just like HappyMe said, "Read your own post"!!! Doht!!!!!
Wren, your reply on influences touches me deeply. I am a firm believer that God has people wherever they are at.. for a reason. That who the hell am I to say where another person's walk is taking them?? That God made an absolute miraculous creative treasure out of my own life.... but not until I sat in basements with the flies by myself sticking needles in my arms... How should I know what treasures will await others???
That's what life is... taking a bunch of shi**y ingredients like stones and dirty grease and somehow making chocolate eclairs out of it, by the Grace of God. Others are entitled to a path too.
Just because he is my husband does not mean ANY of this is about ME... though I may be hurt in the process, I am a bystander, an example, an individual in a partnership.
And like Toni suggested, when my own self-talk is not enough, when no human power can relieve the -ism, (internal spiritual maladjustment), Step 11. Step 11. Step 11. Toni, please do me a big favor and keep reminding me to pray!! "Thy Will, not mine, be done".
Thank you, friends. Gonna log-off and bury nose in a book.
I really do hope that the carnival ride is over for you. The problem with carnival rides is that I'm just not happy. I'm finding, more and more, that I like my days to be organised and then I can cope just fine! Anything slightly out of the ordinary and that throws me right off balance.
Take care and look after yourself,
Q
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
