Don't be fooled by the face I wear, For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks. Masks that I am afraid to take off. But none of them are me. But don't be fooled. I give you the impression that I am secure, That all is sunny and unruffled with me, Within as well as without, That confidence is my name and coolness my game, And that I need no one, Don't believe me, Please!
My surface may be smooth, But my surface is my mask, My vaying and ever concealing mask. Beneath lies no smugness, No complacence. Beneath dwells the real me, In confusion and fear, In loneliness.
I idly chatter with you in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that's really nothing, Of what's crying within me. So, when I'm going through my routine, Please don't be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully, and try to hear what I'm not saying, And what I'd like to be able to say, What for survival I need to say, But what I can't say.
Only you can call me into aliveness, Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging, Each time you try to understand because you really care, My heart begins to grow wings. Very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings.
With your sympathy and sensitivity, And your power of understanding, You can breathe life into me, I want you to know that. I want you to know how important you are to me, How you can be a creator of the person that is me if you choose to. Please choose to. Do not pass me by. It will not be easy for you. My long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back. I fight against the very thing I cry out for, But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls, In this lies my hope. My only hope.
Who am I, you may wonder. I am someone you know very well, I am a hurting member of your family, I am the hurting person sitting beside you in this room, I am every person you meet on the street. Please don't believe my mask, Please come behind it to glimpse the real me. Please speak to me, share a little of yourself with me, At least recognize me. Please ... Because You Care.
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
What a powerful reminder, Phil. So many out there, reaching out with everything but words and hands, just need to recognise that deep yearning in their eyes. It's what I did with my relationship--PTSD is so strong, so negative, and so devestating to those who love you. But kept looking past those angry words, knowing that inside was a very hurt soul. And it was well worth the wait. So far.
I learned that working in recovery also. The clients that would come in, so focused on hiding their vulnerabilities (sp), so crouched behind that wall of anger to escape the fire, and how stopping and talking, even when they looked like they'd rather you find a lake to jump in, made such a difference after the consistency. It's just about reaching out. And the gifts we recieve when we do that and it works. Uncountable.
Thanks for this shake, Phil. Hugs, Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Thank you. I found this once years ago in long forgotten folder that my addict husband had brought home from a treatment program. It touched me today as much as it did the first day I read it.
I was full of anger and rage just a few moments before. My hubby relapsed last night, well not sure what to call it. He has been successful in the past with AA/NA. He refuses to go back. I think it is his pride and the fact that his disease knows the program works if he works it that keeps him from coming back to AA. Not really sure that is his inventory, not mine.
I crossed over to this board from my alanon to help me gain some understanding of my hubby and his disease, to pick up more tools (just working on filling up my tool box), and to remind me that trapped in the disease is my hubby. You helped me today, more than I can say. I had left the compassion at home at brought the holier-than-though attitude with me to work without realizing it. I have worked hard to let that go, guess I'll keep working because we all have our own addictions we are working through.
