I'm an alcoholic. First time I've said it out loud or typed it.
Up until now I've preferred "drinking problem" but I've had a lot of time to think about it over the weekend especially with my slip on Friday. I've known deep down for a while that I am an alcoholic but I haven't been willing to admit it to myself.
I remember the first time that I admitted that I was an alcoholic. I would only say it to myself in my head. I couldn't even say it out loud. Then, I went to my first AA meeting. I had known for a long time that I had a 'drink problem', but there was no way that I was an alcoholic.
At my first meeting I shared that I was an alcoholic. It wasn't the first time, by then, that I had said it out loud. But, it was the first time in front of a room full of strangers. But, the words tasted funny in my mouth. I kept saying it, but they always sounded odd.
After eight weeks, I had a relapse and spent a long time away from AA. At my first meeting when I went back I introduced myself as an alcoholic. It was only then that it sounded right. I knew that I had fully accepted it.
I hated it. I couldn't stand it. My thoughts were 'Am I really reduced to this?'.
But, now I am happy that I am alcoholic. I have a wonderful and better quality of life than I ever thought was possible. I have so many true friends. I am lucky for this chance. I am grateful to AA and everybody that I meet in the rooms and here on this board.
Happy, it really does get better. I reckon that the hardest thing is actually admitting it to yourself. Well done! You've done that.
Take it easy on yourself, and take care, too.
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
It is difficult to admit that we aren't in control, that something has crept in and stolen our power. It bangs up the ego a tad. But in admitting that great truth of being an alcoholic, you've opened up the doors for so very much. Instead of feeling the need to control, you learn to accept surrender in this area of your life. In releasing the ego, you make room for the spirit. You will discover along this path " a greater freedom than you've ever known before". It's okay to not always be in the drivers seat. Sometimes it's nice to just be a passenger and just enjoy the scenary. Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
I'm kinda new here, but I'm also an alcoholic and wow, admitting it takes a huge leap, but you're strong to be able to say it! I heard something in AA that made me think: people who don't have a problem don't wonder if they're alcoholics. Not sure if that's true or not, but I knew deep inside that it was true for me. Take care and good luck to you!
I know what you are saying I have been drinking for 45 years and know that I have a Drinking problem but am I ready to take that next step and say that I am a alcoholic, I went to a AA meeting last week and felt very welcome and will be going again tomorrow evening and trying to find out just where I stand. Have quit in the past for 9 years but this time am drinking to much and seem to need it everyday. Hopefully I will get some answers and feel right about where I am.
Okay, this is going to sound really weird (and, I guess, pathetic) but, man, I remember I actually just LOVED it when I realized I was an alcoholic! Hell, I as ‘off the hook!’ But, in my mind, by admitting I was an alcoholic, I actually felt I was able to deflect blame, neglect taking responsibility, and justified in giving in and not trying more actively to stop. "Hey, I know, I know, I am outta control, but, what can I do?? I'M AN ALCOHOLIC!! I have a disease!"
Good Lord, what a sick puppy I’ve been!!
Anyway, that said, I know how difficult it usually is to come to terms with that reality and to actually articulate it to yourself and to others. I offer you nothing but praise and respect for coming to the very very difficult realization of having this disease. I know it must make you feel weak or 'broken' or whatever shameful things it makes you feel, but, man, you should feel pride and strength for overcoming all that and looking at yourself straight in the eye and calling yourself out. That's not weak, brother... That takes a Herculean amount of humility and power and guts. Hopefully this is just the first of many difficult, but ultimately transcendent and healing steps you will take in overcoming this illness.
