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Post Info TOPIC: UH OH.... should I WORRY??????
jonibaloni


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UH OH.... should I WORRY??????
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...my "non-A" husband of 2 years just made a confession.



Last night, he called from work saying that they had a semi roll over on the turnpike whivh is not out of the ordinary...



He just came home at 9am which is not out of the ordinary....



He started throwing up which is not out of the ordinary.....



He just came downstairs and confided that he lied to me last night. He went out drinking with a guy from work and stayed at his house close to a bar where they drank. I would never ever have known this if he hadn't told me.



When we got married, we had discussed at length my alcoholism, and this was not a 'drinking man'. He promised that I would never have to worry about alcohol being in our home, or him drinking. He has drank 3 or 4 beers on 3 occasions in the 2 years we have been together... (that I know of..) Lst night he said he drank MORE than a 12 pack. Said that he is wondering if he has alcohol poisoning... etc...  He is full of guilt and remorse, and 'grovelling', as it were.



I did not get 'mad' at him, nor did my demeanor even really change at all. I think I am just in shock. I simply said, "I wish you hadn't lied to me, but I do understand and I forgive you for lying to me." He said, "You are probably laughing at how horrible I feel right now and how sick I am."



I said, "No, I don't think it is funny at all. I have felt that way and it is a horrible feeling. Of course you are sick and depressed right now. Alcohol is a depressant. You will feel better once you get some sleep." 



Friends, I don't know if I would label him an alcoholic at this point. More will be revealed, I guess. I have never known him to ever lie to me or be abusive to me or anyone. He is so kind and loving toward people. He has been very supportive of my recovery from day 1. But as I said, more will be revealed in it's own good time, and I cannot concern myself with the future at this point, as I must stay in today.



I do know that in his early 20's he drank a lot. Never lost a job, got a DUI or went to jail. But that outside stuff doesn't always mean much. One good thing is that with this experience today, I am not at all triggered to drink, myself, in any way, shape or form. I do know, though, that sometimes this stuff takes a while to 'settle in' in my mind. I am just baffled that as of yet, my 'feathers are not even ruffled'..... ??



Just for today, I feel centered and not at all angry, somehow.



Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.



Jonibaloni 




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Phil


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The biggest thing I see in your post....even tho he was not honest about it at the time...


Is that the honesty..and comunication...and the forgiveness...came through...


A real biggy.....


Whatever happens...I admire....your relationship....and the love, that goes with it...


You have a good day....



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Quetzal


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Dearest Joni,

I have just got my back to my computer and seen your post. I have just emailed you, my dear.

You are so very much in my thoughts.

Take care,

Q

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
jonibaloni


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well,


the day has gone on OK in spite of....


He called me on my cel phone (from upstairs..??? LOL) to bring him Tylenol. He is soooooo sooooo very sick. When I went up, was sooo incredibly remorseful and maudlin. I came back downstairs and decided I am not the one with the hangover and I went out in my car. I just drove for awhile in the sun and then i stopped at the horse ranch to see my 'buddy' (my dad's horse Louie.) Louie helped me just 'be' in the moment, and have a Joni experience. Attaching a picture of this sweet animal and the farm.


I don't like this sickness in the house. It is in the air. The remorse is nauseating and reminds me of my own when it was at its highpoint. I would just like for him to get over this hangover and us forget that it ever happened. I will do my very best to try to re-focus somewhere else in the coming day or two. I don't want to talk about it or deal with it. I wanted to get out and enjoy the day and I did. I know I need a meeting tonight.


In the meantime, I won't become a slave to his misery. I can just be kind and not put too much drama into it. ODAAT....


Thanks Guys, for caring.


jonibaloni 



Attachments
Louie.JPG (171.9 kb)
farm.JPG (102.1 kb)
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Quetzal


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Hi Joni,

I'm glad that your day hasn't gone too badly. I have been thinking of you since I saw your post.

I would find it very hard to handle the 'sickness' in the house. It would take me back to my drinking days and I truly don't ever want to go back there. But, I'm so glad that you managed to get out of the house and get into the fresh air and have a 'Joni experience'.

Thanks so much for the pics. What a magnificent horse!

With love,

Q

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
jonibaloni


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welp,


it's close to bedtime here, and things are OK with me. we managed to get out together at 6 (when he woke up.... yick) and took the doggie for a ride, then got a bite to eat. He had a lot of questions. It was wierd. he asked me, "What is it that gets a person to a point... where they go out like that?" I said for a non-A, i didn't know. I only can say how alcoholics think, and that for us, it is the silly notion that we could have just one or two, and then walk away." I talked to him like a friend tonight, not a scolding wife. He led the conversation, not I. There was no guilting or silent scorn on my part at all, which amazed me. I felt really, strangely mature about the whole thing.


I guess the program is just a'working away in my life, when I slow down and let it. That a drink did not even cross my mind is truly a promise being fulfilled. I am so glad I have a great sponsor and dear friends here to share and be supported when I need it, too. My AlAnon experience has helped a great deal also. Tomorrow is another day.


Thanks, Friends.


Love,


Jonibaloni



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Toni Baloney


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Hi Joni,


Just wanted to add, that the way you handled this was awesome to me.  I have two, failed experiments in the area of Marriage. So I am certainly not one to have any advice on this matter. 


Acting like an adult, well that is such great progress, using all the Tools of the Program on this. was so good to read.


have a wonderful day.


Toni



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