Hi. My name is Julie and I am from Alanon. I hope it's ok for me to post on this message board. My husband is an active alcoholic and cocaine user. He and I have been seperated since November but have been seeing each other on and off. He went on a binge of using cocaine a few months ago and we didn't talk for two weeks. Since then he has been doing better. I even commented on it this past weekend. Well now I have stuck my foot in my mouth and don't know what to do. My husband's cell phone was damaged and apparently the keypad malfunctioned so I kept getting calls from his phone all night long the other night but when I would answer there would be nobody there. Well the first thing I thought was that my husband was on a coke binge and calling me all night. He told me the next day that his phone was damaged and that he had to take it and trade it in. Well I told him that I thought he had gone on another binge. He was very hurt by this and now will not talk to me. I called the cell phone company and they confirmed his story. Now I don't know how to make it right with my husband. He is the kind that will go for long periods of time of not talking to me. I can see why he is upset but he also needs to understand why I have trust issues with him. How can I make it right? I love my husband so much.
You reminded me of an incident that happened to me about two months ago. My boyfriend was staying with me and we had had a difficulty. I went into the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. I did a few small jobs in the kitchen and then made myself that drink. On the way out, my boyfriend nearly collided with me getting into the kitchen. He stared at the cup in my hand and then at me. I knew what he was thinking as I had told him that I would pour alcohol into a cup and drink from that so as to hide the amount that I was drinking.
I was really annoyed with him for not trusting me. I felt that I was doing so well at AA and that he was in the wrong for not trusting me.
But, it was my thinking that was wrong. After years of seeing me getting drunk, being lied to about my drinking and so on, it was going to take more than a few months of sobriety to convince him that I was really working on changing. The damage that I had done to him took years and years.
All you can do, Julie, is your very best. And, by posting here and caring that's exactly what you are doing. It took me years to chip away at the trust and I now realise that it will take a long time, if ever, for the trust to be completely restored. But, I'm working on it!
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hi. My name is Julie and I am from Alanon. I hope it's ok for me to post on this message board. My husband is an active alcoholic and cocaine user. He and I have been seperated since November but have been seeing each other on and off. He went on a binge of using cocaine a few months ago and we didn't talk for two weeks. Since then he has been doing better. I even commented on it this past weekend. Well now I have stuck my foot in my mouth and don't know what to do. My husband's cell phone was damaged and apparently the keypad malfunctioned so I kept getting calls from his phone all night long the other night but when I would answer there would be nobody there. Well the first thing I thought was that my husband was on a coke binge and calling me all night. He told me the next day that his phone was damaged and that he had to take it and trade it in. Well I told him that I thought he had gone on another binge. He was very hurt by this and now will not talk to me. I called the cell phone company and they confirmed his story. Now I don't know how to make it right with my husband. He is the kind that will go for long periods of time of not talking to me. I can see why he is upset but he also needs to understand why I have trust issues with him. How can I make it right? I love my husband so much.
You said : Well I told him that I thought he had gone on another binge. He was very hurt by this and now will not talk to me
It does take along time for the alcoholic to win the family back and for them to trust him, it says words to that effect in the family afterwards, I dont blame you really as I was in a simular situation with my partner, there is only so many times \I could kid her, then there was no pulling the wool over her eyes, she had heard "I am sorry" and "that wont happen again" so many times, then another relapse, dont beat yourself up, he is in a bad space and so are you by the sound of it, be kind to yourself.
