Hi, I've had a fairly tough week and was looking for a form of support to get me through the next little while. I've recently had some huge epiphanies about how old friends treat me (Less than/not good enough for....) and I've asked one to leave my life. The thing is that I did not handle the situation very well and told her off. I will be leaving this little northern town I live in (pop 3000 pp) to a bigger city in about 5 days. I so look forward to it. Yet I know the transition will be a tad challenging.
I just have not been going to meetings because I am not ready to see this person what so ever. She too is clean. She actually told me she only "feels sorry for me". I recognize that for many years I lived off of her pity and other's as well. When it hit me it hit me hard that was how I used to survive. I have stopped that big time. However, in the past year what I've wanted was a true friend and there was no way she was able to fill that. The whole thing is that I am grieving 20 years of what I thought was friendship and letting go. I just need to hear some support right now and a place to be reminded that this is about sobriety and growth. I thank you all for listening and am grateful for a place to let out some of my pain and angst.
Sincerely,
Jo
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
Welcome to the Miracles In Progress board, Jo. Hope you find a new group quickly where you are moving. This board is a great asset in recovery, but we all have found that it is not as effective as we need without face to face AA meetings as well.
Praying for your peace and tranquility through recovery,
Welcome to this wonderful board. It really is a great place to be.
I really do hope that the move to the city will be good for you and not too stressful. I very much hope, too, that you will be able to find some new meetings. I do find this board very helpful, but I know that I couldn't manage without my meetings.
I recently had to end a friendship and I found that hard. But, I did have to sit and work out if it was healthy for me or not. With the help of my sponsor (being able to chat it through with her was just what I needed), I was able to see that 'my friend' of nearly ten years wanted different things from the friendship. I did find it hard, but I am putting my sobriety at the top of my list.
Take care and keep popping back here, won't you?
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Welcome to the MIP board, Jo. Kudos on reaching out, sometimes that's so hard to do. I'm not a big fan of facing my vulnerabilities, but to deny them makes me more susceptable to them. I know that having to release 'friendships' because of their toxicity is as painful as a marital breakup in some cases. Trust issues rear their heads, etc. But moving thru the pain helps us to remember and be more aware the next time we form bonds with someone. Not easy, just necessary.
I have found some wonderful friends on this board, and support in areas that I may find hard to discuss with others in other surroundings. It's a good place to be. Phil posted a wonderful prose about people in our lives, how long they are there, and the possible reasons why. Phil, perhaps you could post it again? Ok, or I can look it up and do it myself, I know. LOL.
Anyway, that was a long winded welcome wasn't it, but I'm glad you're here, sharing with us. Every share here is an opportunity for me to look within and see the commonalities between us. hugs, Wren
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
Those old friendships (20 years) is a long time. Very painful when they just stop working. The situation reminds me of a beautiful piano piece by Suzanne Chianni, "When Love Dies", we don't think of Love dying, but most of us have experienced this feeling. Grieving allows us to honor the good times, and let go of the rest of it. Holding on to a resentment, for me as an Alcoholic is something that I cannot do, I believe in what is written in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous on the issue of Resentments, cannot afford them. Grieving a lost relationship, I think is just about the hardest thing we go through in Sobriety, and feel for your pain.
This Board is a wonderful place to find support, and we do support you in what you are going through, but I share Dan's opinion, meetings are not about personalities involved, they are there to keep us Sober, one more day.
So I want to extend a Great Big Welcome to you, and yes, vent all you need to here, I look forward to getting to know you.
I want to say Thank you all for the warm welcome and the support. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. Get to a meeting. I will. Just give me a day or two. Its not only not wanting to see this person. It is very much health issues that can keep me bed ridded for days at a time. I'm just getting through 5 days of being house/bed bound. And moving and packing in between.
It does sound alot like an excuse doesn't it. Oh well, I know I am sober for today and I am so incredibly grateful for that. Thanks again for the support.
Jo
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
I want to say Thank you all for the warm welcome and the support. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. Get to a meeting. I will. Just give me a day or two. Its not only not wanting to see this person. It is very much health issues that can keep me bed ridded for days at a time. I'm just getting through 5 days of being house/bed bound. And moving and packing in between.