I know I shouldn't let this frustrate me, it's not my decision and I can't make anyone go to AA. But I have this neighbor that I've known since I got my puppy 3 months ago that I mentioned one night I was headed to a meeting. She asked what kind of meeting and I said AA. She was like "Oh! I'm an alcoholic too!" but she doesn't go to AA, but she has been sober for 3 years without AA. I've talked to her some about the meetings, she always asks how it's going. Well a couple of weeks ago she said she'd like to go with me, so I told her to come up to my apartment by 5:30 any night and we'd go. She didn't come and she made up excuses for why she couldn't go.
I got her to go to a meeting last night, and she said she enjoyed it and thought it would be good for her. She said she'd go again tonight. So I went to her apartment to get her today and she had excuses for why she couldn't go.
I sat and talked to her for awhile because I always leave way early for meetings and had some time. I told her that her excuses weren't good excuses to miss a meeting, just like the person that called me to go to my first meeting told me my excuses weren't good enough reasons. She said she'd go tomorrow.
I know I shouldn't be frustrated, but I just know what a good thing it will be for her. Even after 3 years sober she still has thoughts of drinking sometimes. And she has no friends, she never gets out of the house, I just know it would be good for her.
I guess all I can do is keep offering to take her.
This is a program of attraction, rather than promotion. You have planted the seed. That is all we can really do.
Also, unfortunately this program is not for those who need it. It is a program for those who want it.
Reading Chapter 7 of the Big Book helps us to see how we can be helpful to our fellow alcoholics without scaring them off, and without becoming more frustrated than we need to, in the process.
My dad was miserable all through my childhood. He professed he was an alcoholic; had had the delerium tremens and hallucinations to prove it, upon detoxing. Yet he never went to an AA meeting, but he stayed dry for a very long time, something like 16 years....??? He also did not get any happier, but no one could force him to go to AA or get counselling.
I battled with this abouit 10 years ago, when I was 'dabbling' with the idea of getting sober. I kept thinking, "If he could stay sober without AA, why can't I??"... Comparing myself to him was not a good idea for me, even though he is my father and we share the same genes. What 'worked' for him did not work for me, and vise-versa.
Just remember, attraction rather than promotion. She already knows you go to AA. No more explanation or pleading necessary. In time, maybe she will see your life get progressively better and want to make some changes too... maybe not.
I know what it's like, though, to try to help someone who clearly either does not want it, or is not ready for it. All it does is make me bitter, and messes with my head. I am powerless over how other people choose to, or choose not to stay sober.
My take here, is that you let her call all the shots, in respect to the meetings. She did go with you, let it be her decision.
There is a young man that has done some work on my house. he confided in me about 6 months ago, that he had his second DUI, and was going to these Required Meetings, until the end of June, when he said he would then need to find an AA meeting. I told him, that I always go to the Monday, Wednesday and Friday noon meetings here locally, on the week-ends, but he is not around then, and invited him to come with me to his First meeting.
I will introduce him to as many men as I can, but I feel strongly, that I had really shared my feelings about the Program, big time, as the very Best Insurance he could buy for that dollar a day. And expressed by own deep Gratitude about the Program. Gladly gave him my 12 x 12, and said he would find a lot of what he needs in just reading that 1st Step.
But I do know after that first meeting, where he said he wants to come with me, that I will tell him afterwards, that ANYTIME HE WANTS TO COME WITH ME AGAIN, to let me know, and he will know where that meeting is, so he can go on his own. He is not a shy person, very outgoing, and because this whole Program is a program of Attraction, rather than Promotion, I will make a point of letting it be on his terms, as to whether he wants to continue or not. He will have one whole year without drinking. he has told me of a man that lives near me that has 18 years, so he has his support as well, WHEN HE CHOOSES to go.
Lisa, I was telling you this to just try and make a point, or rather my point of view, only. She now knows that she can go with you, Right?, so let it be her call. Maybe others would not agree here.
But I would not put her in a position where she has to make up excuses. She now knows where the meetings are, and that she can go with you, if and when SHE chooses to, right.?
I also don't see a need to feel frustrated, over what? You did take her to a meeting, right?
My opinion here, but this Program is strictly an "inside job". Many people do not drink, and do not go to meetings. Meetings are there for all of us that Want Them, they are not really designed for people that Need them.
I thought I read in your Post that she said she wanted to go to that one meeting with you, right?..... and she did that.........I would let her decision to return be of her free will......that's all.
Hope I have not brought up feelings of wanted to give me a little "slap" up. (Smile) I believe her watching you going and watching all the positive stuff changing in you, should be enough.
I went to my neighbor's apt and apologized if I came on too strong or was pushing too much. She said I wasn't and that she wants to go but she's worried it's stressing her dog out to put him in his crate when she leaves (she rarely leaves him alone) and he's got worms and is not supposed to be stressed out right now. She said she wants to go next Monday and for me to come get her then. She said she really wants this, and feels like she needs it but she's just worried about her dog. I told her to come over to talk whenever she needs to, and I'll go ahead and get her the big book so she can start reading it. Hopefully she'll go Monday, but if not, I'm just leaving the offer open to take her any time she wants to go.
