Just want to make a Post to a fellow Alcoholic, that is struggling with the Disease of Alcoholism, right now, and wanted you to know, Niall, we have ALL been there, the Isolation, the Gloom, the Depression, go to a meeting feel better, go home, face those demons of above, drink again, and go back to meeting, go home, face that isolation, Drink yet again, to drive those old fears and pains away, let FEAR be what is the Driving force in you life.
I have always called the Disease of Alcoholism, the FEAR Disease. FEAR is monster emotion, it can be. Fear of the unknown, can keep us down for the count. My take, the combination of Fear and Isolation are just symtoms of Disease of Alcoholism.
Solution, rest in the 1st Step, that is all that is required, go to many meetings, find someone that has EVERYTHING you want, is loving and a warm giving human being, that will be there for you in the tough times. There are so many, you can find one.
Using the telephone to talk about the isolation, the overwhelming fear, that can get you if you don't get at it first, by talking about it. Talking about our fears, is probably the numer one subject in all AA rooms around the world, my take anyway.
Reaching out from that isolation, is the key, once I talked about feeling like I did not fit into a room of Alcoholics where I had been going for weeks, it was not the meetings, it was my own inability to just say, I don't feel a part of, here, it was the very last time, I felt that feeling, and have returned to that meeting over 100 times.
Help is available when we utter those words, I need help. Simple process, hard to do yes, but when I ask for help, I get help tenfold.
All I am doing here is asking you to just say hi, on a regular basis, no matter if you have been drinking or not drinking, just bring your Desire not to drink to this Board, and see how it can cut right through that Isolation.
We have all walked in you shoes, my friend, so we do know what you mean when you talk about isolation and those old toxic memories bitting your butt, everytime you get alone with yourself.
Searching for any kind of peace with that driven to the wall pain is impossible, I know. Drink to blot out pain, hoping peace will come, and it only serves to accelerate more pain. I remember so damned clearly, that emotional cave, the vacuum of it. Just raw nerves of fear turning into numbness to obscure the fear. I guess it was a desperation, a point that I had to experience, and even then keep going. Praying I'd die, praying I'd live. And then the people that loved me til I could love myself. That's where the light blinked on, Niall. Once I was indifferent to myself, and it didn't matter who did or didn't love me? A door opened and the love came from the people in AA. There really is such a thing as love without conditions and strings attached. The love comes from the recognition that we are all one in this program, and each are here to support the other from minute to minute, til it can be a daily thing. I hope we keep hearing from you, and know how youre doing...A Hug, Wren
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
I enjoy reading your posts. Get a lot out of them. No one in or out of the rooms is any better or any worse than you. We are all the same, just alcoholics trying to find a better way to live without the drink in this 24 hours. Just wanted to let you know that there are people out there thinking about you whether you can see that or not. You are not alone and you never have to be! When I got sober the second time I had to get a sponsor just to think for me because I was incapable of making good decisions. We are not bad people trying to get good, we are sick people trying to get well. Take care my friend.
I want you to know that I am thinking of you. You are not alone and you don't ever have to be again. Know that we care for you even when you don't care for yourself.......
