I have walked out of my home group cos this guy keeps picking on me, I told him not to talk to me like he did and he just laughed, every week for months he has been doing it but I cant bear it any more, left in tears on tues and nearly drank on it, I dont know what to do as this guy seems to go to lots of meetings even tho he is "7 years" sober or rather dry.
I shall not repeat what he said to me about me etc as it is just plain abusive.
In a bad space as I feel let down, I have been bullied all my life and dont need it.
I'm so sorry Robert, that really stinks. My first response is find another home group that this guy isn't affiliated with, but after that response, I think " I would NEVER let some a** have that kind of power over me and chase me away from a meeting. Take comfort in knowing, there are a-holes in all walks of life, and what a sad recovery this shows to others. Bottom line is, Robert, this is his problem. But you need to do whatever it takes to keep you in meetings. In my home group, for mega-years there has been someone who I've no respect for (back home in Cali.) and when I visit, and go to a meeting, I kill her with kindness. I've let her know that in the scheme of my life, she is a small distraction, and I'm there for the ISH from others and for myself, and not for her. Once I reclaimed my own power in this situation, she began avoiding confrontation with me. I'm not there to either please nor negate this person, and once she realized that, she stopped flapping at me. Robert, none of us are completely well. Some are sicker than others. But between myself and my HP, I will allow nothing nor any person come between myself and whatever it takes to keep me sober, and keep quality in my life. I do hope you can find a meeting where you will be more comfortable, but if not, stick next to your sponsor and just pray, pray and then pray some more for this person that needs to have someone to pick on in order to feel better. You're a better man than that. Just my views, love Wren
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
im looking fwd to the change I have two meets I aim to try, I feel that I have done my time there, It will never be the same again, and I cried and that was what made it personal
I will share one thing he said we shall call him john. he spoke to another person and this other person told me as it upset him
John: Have you got a sponcer yet?
Other: I was thinking of asking robert (me)
John: you done want him, he;s no good, try someone else.
(that really hurt, and he does not know I know but this newcomer told me and it bothered me that he trys to turn people who are attracted to me away)
I truly cannot believe that another AA member can be so deliberately hurtful. I am so sorry that you had to walk out of a meeting on Tuesday evening in tears. At my home group there are a few folk that I don't really get on with, but nothing too bad. I don't have any advice that I can really give to you except to say I'm sure that you can rise above it. I have seen a lot of your postings on this board and you have always come across as being one super guy. Anyone who has you as his sponsor is truly lucky.
Take good care of yourself, Robert
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I just wanted to tell you that I know exactly where you are coming from. Eleven years ago I walked out on my home group because there was alot of hypocracy going on. There were many people there who were telling me what I should do to keep myself sober and going out and doing the exactly opposite of what they were telling me. I went through 3 sponsors in 5 years! Each one of them relapsed! I got to the point where I couldn't trust anyone, so I left and I never looked back! I still have never been back to another AA meeting....until today on this board. I am afraid that I may find the same problem again, as crazy as what that sounds. But, I thought to myself, "Is this something that is really worth losing my sobriety over, something that I have worked so hard to achieve?" BTGOG, I managed to maintain it and am still sober today. I think that is something that you have to look at though. Is this schmuck really worth you losing your sobriety over? Is he really worth losing something that you've worked so hard for? I don't think so. Hopefully, neither do you.
Keep your chin, pal!
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"When many hundreds of people are able to say that consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith."
-We agnostics in the AA book
Hey Robert, just wanted to say I feel for ya, I been there done that, and it got me drunk one more time. I had to learn the hard way that I EARNED my seat in AA, and nobody, nobody is gonna run me out of it again..........Good luck to ya, you're in my prayers.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hits a nerve with me because I, too had an experience like that. But I would NOT let it keep me from meetings and recovery... I am glad you are committed to finding a new meeting, too. Call me petty and childish, but I have never ever even gone back to that meeting, and it has been 6 years. I am afraid if I do go, I will find anything to pick it apart in my own mind... the old, "Seee....See... told you so...." I don't need that today. I am still very young in recovery and too fragile to invite ill thinking or behavior on my own behalf. I know we are not supposed to 'run away' from our problems, but hey, I still consider myself very 'new' at 18 months, and it's progress, not perfection... right!?....
Thank GAAAWWWDDD ALMIGHTY there are so many doggone meetings in the world!!!
What I have found is that the amount of time without a drink doesn't mean SH*T... it's how we treat people every single day. I am guilty of screwing up in this area myself, but thank God I have a tool, amends, for when I have wronged someone... it has not been that long since my last drunk... I am still knock-down-dragged-out deadly serious about this stuff and hope I always will be. Being mean to people availed me nothing!!
If after 7 years this butt-head still needs to bash on somebody newer than him, he needs an overhaul.... just keep on keepin on, my friend... be happy knowing that YOU are not that low...
Robert, some people in AA are sicker than others. I've noticed people in AA that are looking for attention. They think that people will flock around them if they put other people down. When I run into people like this, I don't associate with them. I would just ignore them and walk away. I just work my program. Other people will figure this person out in time. It is obvious he is not working the program if he is taking other peoples inventory. People notice people who are working the program and just not talking it. People who really want to get sober will pick a sponser who is walking the talk. Another thing is don't let this person bother you. As long as he knows his comments are hurting you, he will continue. Once he realizes the comments are not getting to you, he will back off.
I'm with Joni on this one. This kinda stuff really pisses me off. At this stage in my sobriety if I was to witness something like what you've been through I would act very negatively. That is so wrong. I guess two wrongs don't make a right though. Just keep doing the next right thing and hang in there.
ive planned my meetings now and discussed it with my sponcer, I feel a positive has come out of it as I have not enjoyed that meeting for a whole while now due to one thing or another, thanks so much for your support, I was thinking that this was the end for me and that I was a piece of #### and that all people viewed me this way. after all I have always been treated this way
Robert, you are one of the first people who became dear to me on this board. One of the first things I saw was a picture of you with a jar of Marmalite, or marmite, oh hell, you remember. That yeasty stuff. I always loved your posts about food, all the different names you have over there compared to here. Remember having to send me a picture of a chicken dish you were preparing becuz I didn't understand what it was? You took the time to make me feel welcome when I was new here, we met in chat one night and exchanged doggie pics, you posted when you were accepted into Univ., you've shared jokes with us---and you've shared a bit of pain, too. You have never been a piece of sh**, you never will be a piece of sh**. Shit is in the eye of the beholder, and let them use their own handkerchief to wipe it out. Love, and many hugs, Wren
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
I think you're the bomb too, Robert... loved the pic of you camped out on the floor with your dog... LOL and the moped and all. You are really a pretty neat person. Gotta love the Mr. T avatar too... made me laugh so hard the first time I saw it!!! :)
You always seem to post your true feelings on here no matter what.... that is a wonderful quality to have. I am glad we are brudder/seester in cyber-sobriety!!
sorry to hear your bad experience, I have had the same experience, no one is worth getting drunk for! they are not that important, place your sobriety at the top of your list. People in AA can be very hurtful its not the length of your sobriety its the quality if someone is well they would not behave in that way, just remember people how put you down are actually themselves feeling very inferior its a coping mecanism for how shit they feel they reflect it on to other people because they havent dealt with their stuff. Dont walk away from AA you need to remember whats important in you life.
