I found out my 17 year old son was drinking and his friend and he drove my son home drunk.I was at a loss what to do , my son knows my sister was killed by a drunk driver.
I grounded him talk to him about drinking and driveing,.
I feel absolutely sick to my sotmach i know i will work this out in a alanon room but i thought if any one doesnt mind can a 17 year old just try alchchol and not become a alcholic .my dad was and i fell in love with one,.
I know i am powerless but he is 17 any suggestions or comments should i be worried .did any one start at 17 not to be judgemental or bring triggers just want any help I can get thanks for listing
Sorry to hear about the incident, Dori. I am sorry to say this type of thing is all too common with teens.
My girlfriend grew up in one of those homes where alcophol ran freely like water, even for the teenagers. My girlfriend is NOT an alcoholic at all; maybe has one fruity mixed drink twice a year and lets someone else drive. Even growing up in a home like that.
I, on the other hand, lived in a home where I was FORBIDDEN... PREVENTED... PUNISHED SEVERELY regarding alcohol (my mom died in a drunk driving accident when I was 4).... and poof, I became a sever alcoholic by age 18.
And there are 100 different variations and family types, and the fact is that if someone has the potential to become an alcoholic, he/she may in fact go on to become an alcoholic, regardless of family ways.
Another thing: I would say 98% of kids experiment with alcohol, especially during late highschool and college years. For instance, my husband drank like a fish to be 'cool' with his workin'-guy-friends from when he was 17 til about 22, then his kids came a long and he stopped altogether to be a good father and husband. He is definitely not an alcoholic. He stopped while he still had the power to on his own.
Another thing to remember about alcoholism... you said you enjoy reading the posts of the AA's here... do not forget that it took our disease to get us here. I thank God for my disease, as it is the only way I would EVER EVER have gotten a chance to be the best me I could possibly be at this time in my life. I believe if not for alcoholism, then subsequently AA, I would still be 'missing something'.
One thing I do know, and keeping in mind that he is still a minor and you MUST be the mother figure to him, is that if he is going to be an alcoholic, there is nothing on this planet you can do to stop it. Your program will continue to shine through if you keep working it... you may be the only Big Book or AlAnon someone ever gets to see. And if he does not go on to be an alcoholic, well HALLELUJAH!!! You are completely powerless over the choices he will make as an adult, and don't ever forget that.
Just keep praying for GOD'S will for him every day, and I'm sure his life will be rich and menaingful, Dori.
Thanks for listening to my opinion... that's all it is!!
My younger sister got busted for being drunk at a party when she was 14 or 15. She partied with the "best of them" when she was in high school. Now she's 24 and almost never drinks. She smoked a bit of pot in college, and doesn't do that anymore either.
I never got drunk once until I was 21--seriously! I was too scared and a goody-two-shoes. I rapidly became a full-blown alcoholic and am in AA at the age of 26.
Our mother is an alcoholic, as are her brother and both of her parents. But my sister is not, even though she was the one who drank and partied as a teen. Weird how that worked out. I'm not part of the statistics for alcoholics who began drinking in their teens. Go figure.
Dori, my sons all went out and played around. My youngest's Father died from alcoholism, yet he still experimented. He is now 21, has an occasional beer with his buddies, but he's educated about the ramifications. We do the best we can, and then let go. Well, we try to, anyway. Don't think I've truly let any of my kids go, but they think I have. With 6 kids (one adopted), we worry, we will always worry. It's a parental right. I found that letting my boys make their decisions at that age showed them that I felt trust in their maturity, and I really think it helped. The lectures would have driven them away. But I did share my fears and my love for them, I just made sure it wasn't one of my "lessons". We place them in the protection of our Higher Power and just pray after they reach "that" age of stretching their wings. It's ok to be frantic once in awhile....I'd worry more if I stopped worrying. When I stop is when something blind sides me....hug, Wren
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
I thank God for my disease, as it is the only way I would EVER EVER have gotten a chance to be the best me I could possibly be at this time in my life.
That's a very interesting way of looking at things. I don't think I have EVER, EVER, heard anyone say that before.
Dori, you right now, are experiencing my biggest fear. I have 2 daughters, ages 12 and 10. I am an alcoholic, my father is an alcoholic, my grandfather was an alcoholic and it scares me to death that they might become alcoholics as well. But, if they do, I don't think there is a whole lot I can do about it. My philosophy on child rearing is that you do the best that you can, you instill some of the values that you've learned ( and some that you didn't), you teach your children right from wrong and hopefully, when the time comes and they have to make a decision, they'll make the right choice. However, you have shown great restraint in not ringing the other kids neck for driving drunk with your son in the car!
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"When many hundreds of people are able to say that consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith."
-We agnostics in the AA book
