I have been struggling the past few days, but I know if I stay sober it will get better... well, 'it' may not, but I will....
This kind of stuff can make or break us.
I have thought of a drink several times over the past few days... and it was pretty heavy. But then, by the Grace of God, I would cry and think, "There is NOTHING out there for me"... This kind of thought process, where my second thought is "don't do it", comes directly from my Higher Power through AA. I am blessed to have this daily reprieve and glad I have worked hard through the 'good times' so that in the yucky times I have a defense against alcohol.
I should add that every day this has happened, I have ended up feeling SOOOO much better within an hour or so... and the fact that I have responsibilities like a homegroup which I'm chairing this month, a sponsee and a great sponsor... these things are all great blessings right now that only increase my resolve to get through this 'bump in the road'....
So I guess I'm not struggling, in the sense that I have not picked up, Thank God. I am certain this time will provide much growth, and I look forward to the sunnier days... they are just around the corner!! NO REGRETS!!!!
Thank you all for keeping the message board alive and well... it helps me so much throughout the day til I can get to a meeting!!!
Jonibaloni
P.S.... r.e. the avatar-change.... I will be going back to the happy puppy when this passes!!! To be continued................
Hey J. I'm sorry you are feeling so bummed lately. I have no real nuggets of wisdom, but just know we all share your struggle with you and like you said, it will get better, as long as you don't pick up! *hugs*
Wow, feel for you Joni, but remember a thought is only a thought, and can be THOUGHT THRU, as in Think, Think, Think, sounds like you are doing it my friend.
Many many thanks to all my pals here... this is not always easy, but extremely simple, when weighed against 'what it takes' to live a drunken lifestyle full of fear, constant 'managing' to no avail, the money involved, the hurt people and pets, the courts, the ankle-bracelets, the lost licenses, the lost homes, the divorces, the physical aches and sickness... the four horsemen riding up over the horizon of my shoulder every single day.... even hating the sunrise and those damned birds chirping... I do NOT want to live that way!!!
It is so crazy.. that when the thought has come, like yesterday, I gazed out the side door of my house and cried, thinking, "There is NOTHING out there for you, Joni!!!! NOTHING!!!!" I believe it is starting to lift, and back to my pink cloud, soon, I hope.... I am sometimes 'spoiled' by how great life is sober.... I know that in these hard times I have a constant propensity to call upon God... and that is probably at the heart of it. I feel God saying something like, "OK... time to give up the wheel a little more, dear.... I will no longer sit in the passenger's seat."
This is indeed a process.... and I go through cycles of further growth. I have had 18 months of near-bliss... I can and will, by the Grace of God, get through this current discomfort in the name of growth and sunnier days, which are on the way!! Growing pains..........
Just for today, I will focus on my Higher Power, my friends in the program, and my family. I will do something today to expand my spiritual life. I will also do something nice for myself. I will ask for help when I need it... it is My Turn....
