Have gotten to a 'stale place' in recovery... been trying to work various steps to 'make it all better'... LOL
I am an inventory junkie... that's OK, but spent some time with my sponsor last night and realized I have, for the most part, just 'brushed over' Step 11.
From the 12&12, on this matter:
"There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation and prayer.Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality which is God's kingdom. And we will be comforted and assured that our own destiny in that realm will be secure for so long as we try, however falteringly, to find and do the will of our own Creator..."
I have this problem of being a perfectionist. If I am not going to do something perfectly and with champion prowess, I simply don't do it. I would like to say that I wake up and meditate, ask continually for help all throughout the day, and when I go to bed at night, review my day, search for selfishness, fear, et al., meditate some more....
But I don't, and have been afraid that if I do not follow this strict guide;line I will be a failure at Step 11, and not only will I be a failure to myself, but a failure to Whom I'm meditating TO..!!! Tall order, as it can seem, in my perfectionistic mind...
Today, I will allow myself a few moments, in morning, during the day and at night, to just quiet down and LISTEN... I need not put time constraints on it or beat myself up if some great revelation is not revealed... I will simply make the effort... and stop trying to be PERFECT..
Well this is a Step, that for me was difficult, at first. My big problem, was that I had used meditation for years to quiet my "thinking". Used it for some very serious surgerys, and was very successful in releaseing myself from the Fear of the Surgeries. But I do recall asking God to just hold on to me,during these times, so somehow there was some connection.
When the Steps of the Program are being used dilligently, in my life, of course the most difficult was the 4th Step, but once I learned the release of all that built up Toxic stuff, I actually look forward to doing it again, no, I don't think that was accurate, but I did look forward to the release of the residual Toxic build up, in doing the 5th Step.
But with Step 11, I was kind of Stumped, Meditation, yep, knew that one really well, only the first part, the meditation, but I had a few "Lightbulb" moments of 'you were forgetting to invite God into the meditation. And when I practiced the meditation, I had to clearly remind myself EVERYTIME, that is was the Reaching out to my Higher Power, that I choose to call God, that is the Primary Goal, yes silence the mind, and REACH OUT to a Power Greater than myself, for that Conscious Contact.
They talk a lot about the "Alpha" state of meditation, and offer many suggestion on the How To, but I believe that it is in the "Alpha" state, that we do reach a Silent Connection, of a Conscious Contact. No thoughts are there, only a mysterious and powerful connection. They also talk a lot about the Chakras, and how the highest point (I believe there are 7), and the highest one is in the very top of the brain, and from that we have opened up all channels, to a connection to the unknown, for me that Conscious Contact is still somewhat mysterious, but so full of LIGHT, that we or I can "Trust" that connection as a Conscious Contact, with a Power Greater than myself, that I choose to call God.
Faith to me is that Trusting of that connection, we, as human beings, can never "know" that Will of our Higher Power, that is where the Faith part comes in.
So the practicing daily of Your Will not Mine be Done, is simply a continuing Trust in that Will of our Higher Power.
Wow, I sure hope this made sense to you??????
I enjoyed Joel's Meditation site, or rather the Meditation Music of that site, had it on all morning on Saturday, and had one of the most Peaceful days I have had in a long time, was busy doing things with that music in the background, but that is what I call Active Meditation. Everything flows so diffently when we don't think about what we are doing, we are just doing. Bringing in New Meditation music, is always a boost to me, for I have some meditation techniques that really do work, but I realize that when we add a new technique, it is so so refreshing, like a renewal of an old practice. And that's what they say, eh, practice, practice, practice.
Hugs, Toni
Personally, I don't think when we get into that Silent part of meditation, we have a need to do it perfectly, for me, when I work at finding that place of Silence, I do not NEED........... anything at all.
I am plugging away at doing all the Steps again, as a present to myself for my Birthday, coming up on September 12th. Had to go back and edit this, cause I put Sept 11th in there instead of the correct date, Wow is that date Sept 11, ever etched into our brains, eh, The very antithisys of Step 11.
