First of all, I want to thank those of you who responded to my post...it made me feel so good to I'm not the only one who has gone through this. I'm still struggling, but I called on AA number -and found a meeting tonight, asked family to babysit my kids, and I'm going. I have to. The guilt and regret and darkness I am living in everyday is not tolerable. I don't want to live like this. I used to feel like it was the problems in my life that led me to drink, but the more I look back, I think it was the drinking that caused the problems in my life. It clouded- is still clouding, I'm no where near out of this yet- my thinking, my judgements, my choices, and my relationships. And the sad part is most people close to me didn't even know. I can act sober very very well. While I realize that, it makes me angry, that I am disappointing people, and possibly losing people in my life that loved me a lot. My boyfriend saw my problem way before I did, and I kept making excuses, and rationalizing, and tricking him. And he didn't even know the half of it. But I know I need to let it go and the steps and the support of AA will help me get through it, and my life will end up right where it needs to be. Thank you all so much. You wil most likely be seeing alot of me.
Bless you today, dear... and I'm so glad you are going to a meeting. Please keep in touch often... I care about you and what is going on!! From one alcoholic to another
^ Ditto! ^
Hang in there, it get's better......
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I used to think that I was drinking to escape from my problems, but in fact, my drinking was causing all of my problems. I thought that I could act sober well, too. But, those around me who knew me best were never fooled.
I really do hope that you will have a great meeting this evening. They are all different, so do try more than one.
Please keep reading and posting here. There are lots of folk who truly want the best for you.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I remember feeling alot like you do. The guilt and remorse. And everything that goes with it. I always thought that no one really knew to what extent this disease of alcoholism had taken me. Boy was I wrong about that one. Turns out I was only fooling myself.
All A.A. has given me is a daily reprieve. I don't have to drink today. Tomorrow is another story entirely. Can't tell you what might happen tomorrow. If I ever start thinking I've got alcohol licked I'm in big ffing trouble! I hope by now that you have gotten yourself a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. This is the alcoholics 'bible'. I can't tell you how much help and understanding I have received from reading this book. If it wasn't for the big book I think there wouldn't be too many meetings going on in this day and age.
Things do get better as long as you do the next right thing. And if you get confused about what the next right thing is hopefully you have a list of numbers of fellow alchys to call on!
