I just finished my second Step One and finally crashed through the barrier that had been holding me back from moving forward. My first time through that step my focus was of the unmanagability of my life because of Alcohol. I 'thought' I had understood my powerlessness over it but really I hadn't. Then a week ago someone in a meeting shared something that threw open the gates in my brain for me....they shared how their last drink was one they didn't want yet they drank it anyhow. It hit me! When I was out there, I drank even when I didn't want to! There are countless times I absolutely didn't want to drink...mostly because I was still hurting from a hangover.....or i had to drive home later or work the next day.....yet when faced with the drink, I drank it anyhow. I had no control over the desire to NOT drink! That, my friends, is my powerlessness over alcohol.
You have really reminded me of all the times that I picked up a drink, and proceeded to get drunk, even though I didn't want that first drink. My powerlessness was total. Even if I didn't want to have a drink and had decided not to drink for that day, my mind was completely obsessing about alcohol until I finally picked up again. I lost count of the number of times I swore off drink forever because my hangover was so severe. As soon as I started to feel semi-alive again, I would pick up. Talk about total insanity!
I, too, had no control over the desire not to drink. Thank heavens that, today, I now have a choice.
Take care and have a super day,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Yeppers, I remember not wanting to drink and I'd be coming home and my car would just go on autopilot, like I had no control. Probably because alcohol controlled me. Ya think?
