In this dream, I was at a class reunion and a girl in the restroom was bagging up marijuana. With lighteneing speed, she taped a bag of it to my back up underneath my shirt. I left the batheroom and told my husband; I said "i have GOT to get this bag of pot off my back before we get in the car to go home!!" I tried to 'duck' out of the way of prying eyes to rip it off and throw it out, but there were chaperones everywhere, even back in the restroom... no stall doors... I felt trapped carrying this stuff around on me... I could just imagine the police pulling us over and finding it; my husband would lose his job towing for the Police Departments, I would lose my home, be stuck in jail....
Wack-o as this dream was, it signifys the 'monkey on my back'. My monkey is no longer an 800 lb. gorilla, but it is still there. Yesterday I had been glum all day; my basement is leaking and we are having torrential rains here in N.E. Ohio for a few hours every day. Every time it rains I dread going back down there to sop up the mess, only to have it ooze back in. LOL Keeping my basement water level down is a daily, and sometimes hourly reprieve. My dog is depressed, can't spend the whole day outside as she usually does, as there is a fair share of thunder and lightening along with the downpours. Me, I can't go do my daily speed-walking through town, which is my endorphin release lately. Hate to admit it, but I am a wee bit depressed.
I hate admitting I am depressed... At one time I learned to embrace a mild depression and let it run its course.. I learned to nurture it and sleep if needed, journal, turn the phones off and just care for myself and let it pass. Sometimes now I feel it coming on and I just get super-busy trying to 'function' my way through it. I get precious little accomplished during these times.
A saving grace? I am scheduled to chair my homegroup, which is tonight, for the month of July. I have some awesome women in my life scheduled to lead. Then in August I am setting up every week. There is an average of 60 - 100 people ther eevery week, so it will require me being there hours in advance to put the 100-cup coffee urn on. When I had initially signed up to do these things, I did so because it is my duty in AA to 'give back' what was so freely given to me. I had no idea that just the simple act of being scheduled to be there, to be relied upon by the group, would save my arse. So there is another way that AA works for me. Marvelous!
Well my take on your situation, your dream was a pretty clear one. Dope, on your back, wow your gorilla only weights 800 lbs. , mine's a heavy weight, over 2000 lbs.
As far as your Basement flooding constantly from the torrential rains, and what you just went through cleaning the residual mold, that took most of your week-end, right, and the fact that you cannot go outside, my thinking was, that is depressing.
I have had some rather freaky allergic reactions to about 3 anti-depressants, so whenever I feel a depression, I have to work overtime on it, acknowledge and separate the "real" part of it, (like a living situation that I can do my best with, like your basement, as an example),on the other part of the depression, then I have to apply the 1st step, 2nd step, and 3rd step, and do the overtime work with "Your Will, Not Mine, Be Done", wait for it to pass, and it will and does pass, when I continually turn it over to Him. If it will still not budge, then I have to continue the working of the next 4 steps, kind of like, "No, the filling didn't take, gotta do a Root Canal on it". What does work the very best is sitting in my noon meeting, with the sunlight flooding the room, and just feeling the comfort of the fellowship, listening to, and sharing the day to day living part of an Alcoholic's life, that is the medication that does work in an instanteous way. Yesterday's meeting was on the "Topic of Fear" and everyone pretty much shared their own day to day Fears, and I got this very awesome feeling that in this room, WE were the solution, that the We part, collectively brought us into the Faith, that only one woman mentioned. As in, Sought my God, Could not See, Sought my Soul, it Eluded me, Sought my Brother, Found all Three. It never ceases to amaze me, that if we are open completely to this, that we can actually feel His Presence in that little 20 x 20 room. Whenever 2 or more are gathered in my Name.........
It is very early out here in California, and we are dealing with some heat waves, (Yes, I just felt that rotten egg hit my window, haha)
Anyway Joni Oni, hoping that you have a lemon squeezer today, and a lot of sugar.
Hugs, Baloney Brains
PS. I sure hope this Response was cohesive with yours, as I said, it is REALLY early here, that's my excuse, if this Response went kind of sideways, haha. And Phil, sounds like he's running low on his Batteries, he puts a lot of spaces in his stuff, when the batteries need changing, that's my take.
Rainy summers in NE Ohio can indeed be a PITA. When we were homeowners, we also had the basement from hell. I like Phil's suggestions. Maybe you can install some pontoons to the bottom of your dryer. That'll keep it from getting submerged!
Anyway, I just wanted to share something: last night I went to a lead meeting and this woman had the same exact problem-- she dealt with a foot of water in her basement. She tried to use that as an excuse to get out of leading, but her sponsor made her get out, get dressed, and go lead. And this woman just amazed me. She stood up there at the podium with joy in her eyes, completely relieved and blessed to be up there sharing--even when she had the day from hell. Awesome! Gratitude to the max, eh?
But seeing her up there just made me realize the miracle of the program. Who else but a recovering alcoholic can get up there with a smile and thanksgiving in her heart after having the day from hell? It was an awesome lesson for me. We need to find gratitude and thank God in all situations--even the bad ones. It's a "paradox of the mind" ain't it? Thank you for reminding me to find joy in everything. Love ya lots.
Back in 'the day', I would not have a home with a basement to flood. If i did, I would not have dealt with it. I would have gone somewhere else... and drank and drugged. So not only would someone else have to clean up my mess, they would also have to wonder, again as so many times before, if I was in jail, dead in the gutter or in a hospital somewhere. My husband would be insane with worry and fear for my life, for his marriage, and whether I had spent up all the money on dope.
You were sooo right about meetings, HDoggie and Tonibaloney, I wen to my homegroup tonight and heard the most beautiful story of healing from one of the most beautiful women in my life. We desparately needed more homegroup members, and 3 new people signed up tonight!! So 1 or 2 people no longer have to 'do it all'.... God is good.
And this particular alcoholic is whacked at times... makes me a damned good alcoholic though, I'll say!! glad I have you all in my life to help steer sometimes...
And just for the record... Phil....
I never said you were indeed lazy.... I know you are very busy, kinda like superman.... LOL Your posts just crack me up!!!
