Thanks so much, everyone....I really appreciate ya'lls input! Thanks also for allowing me to vent....I needed to!
After much prayer about it, I've decided that I need to have a heart to heart with my Sponsor....it's not her fault that I'm feeling pressured and frustrated with her. I need to make it clear that I am just not ready and I know I am working MY program to the best of my ability today and I know I am right where I am supposed to be.
I know I have come a long ways in my almost 6 months of sobriety...I work my program everyday...I pray in the morning for God to divorce me from self seeking motives and to guide and direct my thinking, praying only for HIS will for me and the power to carry it out. Throughout the day, when faced with things I pray "Thy Will be done!" and I thank Him often for His grace and strength! I reach out to people in the Fellowship everyday...I share my experience, strength, and hope everyday. I recognize that when I'm feeling discontent with people, places, things or situations it is because I'm not living life on life's terms and that until I accept that these people, places, things or situations as exactly the way they are supposed to be, I won't find any happiness. I recognize that I can only change ME!
I also know that I have lots to learn and that whatever I don't "get" today, I have tomorrow to try again....that infact I have a lifetime to try again because my program is daily for the rest of my life! I will always be working my Program as long as I stay connected with the Fellowship of AA by going to my Meetings, listening to others, reading my Big Book and other AA approved literature, and praying to the God of my understanding.
So happy to see that you came to some "internal" resolve. We are all (Alkes) in so many ways, so similliar, we struggle,and we struggle, Pray for, and with the Steps there as the Guide, turn to the answer in one of those steps, and then, feel the release from that struggle.
Personally, I always, even though it might feel a little discomfort with that stuggle, believe in the Process so much, that the stuggle is the Gift part to me.
Loved what Phil Posted this morning on "Today's Bit" in those Steps, 6 and 7, and the definition of those two, read them, and read them again, and thought to myself "have I ever heard it explained exactly this way, before? Chances are good that I have, but we always need to have it said again.
One of the absolutely amazing things about Step Meetings, I have read any Step, before, many times, but when it is read and comrehended one more time, I always seem to feel, "wow, I have never really read that, from that presceptive".
Anyway, just wanted to say hi, and that you just walk thru that hurdle.
Sounds like a good idea to talk with the sponsor. That's what they are there for! The sponsors job is solely to guide you through the steps. Just try to keep that in mind. Sometimes sponsors try and play a role that they believe is best for you when sometimes it's not. That's why communication is so important.
