And was thinking of how, when I am having a Problem, with another person, the solution to that Problem, always ends up, with me going into a room and looking in a mirror. (Not my favorite thing to do).
I personally really like the new slogan in Alanon, "Blackbelt Alanon" have even been thinking of going to get one of these Blackbelts.
My Definition of the above is becoming a MASTER OF MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS.
See, I told you all this was a me-me Post, and very trivial.
Would like to be able to put a little garbage can here in the Post, but cannot seem to make it fit.
Okay Baloney, tell me the truth, did I send you to the mirror? Am I giving you problems? C'mon yu can tell me, you already know how quickly I can cry and release, LOL....
__________________
i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
As an alanoner, not sure I have reached balckbelt yet, I sometimes struggle with staying with the fence of my own back yard. It is so easy to hop over that fence into someone else's yard. But when I do that I am neglecting my own yard. And my yard has been so unhealthy for so long that even a minute of neglect will result in hours of weeding and mowing.
I have been focusing on me, and keeping the focus on me. For that is all I have control over, me. You think years of trying to control actions of others would have taught me that. -sigh, guess I had to learn that one that hard way.
First, Mandy, we ALL have a problem with boundaries, think I have it down, and then wack, another lesson.
Glad you are here, sharing with us.
Hugs, Toni
And Wrenny,
Yes, I have had a Problem with you, well not you, but your Absense around here, I do know that you are busy with company. We (I ) just miss you, that's all. But your company is leaving, so look forward to you getting your butt back here ONE of these days, you said to me last nite, I had not been on the Board, for a day, well Dearie, you have not been on the Board for over a week. How's that for Codependency recovery, not good I know.
No more trivia out of me today, have a busy 4th planned.
Im an Alanoner too...but I think they take this black belt stuff way too far...
Its ok to build a fence...and look over it with love..and detatch emotionally..
But I see some people...build cement walls 20 feet high...hang onto resentment..and hate...and blame...that wont forgive...and Im not trying to judge...Its a survey...lol
I check in on the Alanon board a couple times a day...and Man!!...some of the stuff I see..can drag me down..in a minute...Sad ...very sad...
The resentment and hate ...is unbeleivable...
As an Alanoner...I dont like what some have done to me...but Im grateful to be able to forgive...and still show love..and compassion...
Hoola Hoops? Ide like to see that one...hahaha
And Wren? You bugging Toni's butt again??? lol......Luv yus...
__________________
"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Thanks for the tip, I think I will just stay in AA, it has work for a while now, did not know what the Blackbelt stuff meant, now I don't think I want to investigate. I assumed it had to do with detaching with love, cannot do it successfully, any other way, that is what I have learned in AA, and that does work for me.
i don't have any active alcoholics in my life, and that is what Alanon is for, so there is my answer.
I already got a dog before the 2 year mark... lucky for her, it is working out well... She hasn't been neglected yet!!
I need something that TELLS me... "HEY MA'.... I NEED SOME FOOD HERE!!!"
LOL I have no plants, just know I would kill one.... my smoking alone would choke the poor thing out... at least the dog lays low, toward the floor and spends most of the days outside.... LOL
So when I am ready for a garden, you'll be the first to know, I promise!!!
LOL, I live in an apartment, I have 3 kids 6, 4, and 3. They are enough to kwwo me busy. I love yard work, but have enough to do with cleaning out my head.
So the yard work will come when either I am reasy to take on yard work, or the kids move out. LOL and that is a long time from now.
someone once told me if it isnt your package dont pick it up...I cant tell you how many times that kept me out of trouble.As you know us alanoners want to fix everyone ha.
As an alcoholic, not only did I try to fix myself to no avail for years on end, but now that (bear with me) "I'm well, happy, joyous and free"(LMAO), NOBODY better rain on my parade, and if you need fixing, then I'm gonna DO IT, whether you like it or not.".... LOL What a controlling and selfish attitude I have. I have come to realize that in Steps 6 and 7, God is MORE than willing to remove all these defects of character... but throughout the rest of my walk, I must give them to Him over and over again. Just when I think something has been removed, it re-appears in a more subtle way sometimes. Like selfishness... my selfishness started OUT as being the kind of selfishness that would cause me to drink/drug up family funds, and things of that nature. That kind of selfishness has been removed, because I was MORE than willing to give THAT behavior up....
But now? selfishness is still there... but a little more subtle (to me, anyway). Things like tyring to make others behave to my liking without any consideration that they are exactly where God has them in their own walk with Him.
So I press on, and keep working these Steps... keep giving and giving God my crap, take it back sometimes, give it up again.
I am grateful for the process. If this healing were to happen overnight, I would have skipped along on my merry way and would not be here to listen and care and offer help to others.
Aren't we all, Alkie and AlAnon alike, soooo lucky to have what we have in these Steps?
Just want to say that the thought of this "happening over night" wow, let's just say it was a very scary thought!!!! Working the Steps slowing and thoroughly, it prepares us slowing for the changes as they occur.
So very opposite our "old" ways, of wanting things "now, waiting, could not even spell the word wait, until someone spelled it for me. "P A T I E N C E".
Just had a little chuckle with the thought of the "happening over night" thought, it would have been a guarantee of a Pych. Ward. haha
Some once said in a meeting, long time ago, that we work the Steps, in our first and sometimes into our second Year, But we "Live" the Steps, one year for every Step we take. Still trying to figure that one out. Still trying to figure out if the statement contained some wisdom, or the opposite of Wisdom.
She hasn't been neglected yet!!