I am Joni, Recovering Alcoholic. Wife of a workaholic. I need the help of the program right now to deal with it. I am concerned for his health and mental state. He has worked nearly 30 days straight now.
Josh is working himself to death and he thinks it's funny; that he is a 'hero'. I got a wee bit upset because his company has lost a couple of drivers in the past 2 months, and has been dragging its heels to hire more. They can easily run my husband into the ground.... Yes, they pay him well... blah blah blah.... they worked him 104 hours last week. He is not a surgeon. He drives a heavy-duty towtruck for towing semis and such from the Interstate.
I asked him if it was too much for me to ask to spend ONE DAY out of the month with him. I actually really want him to sleep for a day, like he does periodically. He would not answer, just kept repeating 'good ole' boy' crap over and over like, "WOMEN!!! A MAN'S gotta work!! If my company needs me, then.... blah blah blah." Far enough into the conversation, he said, "You know, you're just like my ex-wife...." I said, "Right here is where the conversation stops. Goodbye."
I am not answering the phone. He called me earlier with 'special orders' for dinner... to make him his favorite, with details down to the brand of italian bread, uncut, and how big he wanted me to cut the slices. I naturally do not even START dinner until he walks in the door. He has been calling me every 20 minutes for the last 3 hours making excuses. I was not calling HIM... I was not even upset. But something about him calling ME over and over with his attitude like he is King Crap of the almighty tow-company made me wanna puke after a while. He announced that he is eating pizza at the shop with they guys. Fine. My blood pressure is not even elevated, I assure you. I am very very good at remaining calm, and when I voice my opinion and someone gives me a line of bullcrap the way he has been doing, as if it is 'cool' to be a sucker and be worked to death and be taken advantage of, I draw the line and the conversation is over.
So I am getting in the tub and heading up to the dry club. Nahhh, I don't even have to 'prove anything. I am just gonna stay here and do my laundry like I planned to. He is the one who is upset here, not me. I CHOSE to voice my concern for his health and our spending a little time together. He CHOSE to get defensive and upset. I CHOOSE to not let it affect my own serenity or plans for the evening to get some things done. I do quite well on my own; grew up an only child and lived alone until the age of 32 and never married until then.
I have been highly wrapped up in taking care of me and him and this house, since my own company let me go a month ago, and in going to meetings, sponsoring and interacting with AA's both online and in person. I have been going to the beach and walking and dollar-store and garage-sale shopping. I am working my steps and praying. I am active in my homegroup and I go to about 5 meetings a week right now.
I used to get into arguments with men so I would have fuel to get sick and drink. Not TODAY. I release him to do what he THINKS he wants to do, which is work like an alcoholic drinks; like a crack-addict hits the pipe. If he cannot handle simple concern, I release him to do what he wants and I shall be content where I'm at. He will learn some hard lessons about his body and his mind and his spirit; that he is not invincible. And I will be here to take care of him, change his bed pan, give him his medicine, nurse him when he breaks down. I made a promise two years ago and I intend to keep to it.
I do not need a man for gratification. I do not need a man to take care of me. He needs me more than I need him. He has never been without a wife since age 18, save for a few years of divorce where he was 'momma's boy'. And I made a promise, and I can change my own attitude and keep my mouth shut and not try to change him and be happy.
I am going on the AlAnon board tonight to find out how to let go. I am Joni, Recovering Alcoholic, wife of a true-life Workaholic. And I'm powerless over him, and I need help to stay on track with ME.
Thanks for listening. With all the love I can muster, Joni :)
Well for me, I was married twice, both times to Workalholics. So, I hope you can get some Solid answers to what is bothering you, with Alanon, they seem to be the Pro's in dealing with the "isms" All the "isms". And if you don't get the help you need, someday down the road, if this remains an unresolved issue for you, you could seek out a good therapist to help you both in this area.
A Big Fat Hug to you, and happy you had a fun day at the beach!
Wow, did I get some good stuff from the AlAnoners!!!
Need to treat him like he has an addiction... he does! Need to stop ramming 'change' down his throat and change myself.
I am going to do some inventorying to help me embrace that he is actually an addict in denial.. with all the trappings... (I'm not hurting anyone else, etc...) Then LEAVE IT ALONE. I don't ram AA down alcoholics' throats, and I need not ram my opinions down his.
One lady even told me she has a Workaholic husb., and she said "enjoy the fruits of HIS labors... plan a vacation w/a girlfriend"... LOL
I have known this, but will say again, that thiose DOGGONE ALANONS ROCK THE HOUSE!!!!!!
It doesn't sound like you have issues. Just one problem and you can't fix 'em. I wish I could treat people as you do. What I mean is the fact that you can just say enough is enough.....conversation over and not have it effect ya internally. That has to be a gift of the program. No doubt about it.
It's kind of funny. This one guy with umpteen years sober at my meetings calls Alanon " the ladies of perpetual misery " I know it's a joke. But I've heard some real bad and some real good stuff about alanon. I guess it's like aa with regard to - if you work the steps and apply the principles the program works.
I guess when it comes down to it money takes precedence over pretty much everything else in life at times. Rationalization and justification can make anything sound like it's a good idea!
I guess I could pray for the semi's to stop breaking down?
oh SNAP!!!! It doesn't work every time, I assure you (the 'not being effected... ending the conversation bit...) I am learning learning learning... haven't even scratched the surface
The AlAnon board sure is helping me, though.
Yes... semi's breaking down... LOL you didn't pray hard enough, friend... It's Sunday and he's on his way to PA with one.... LOL OH WELL!!!! I'm gettin' outta the house.
.... LOL OH WELL!!!! I'm gettin' outta the house.