I have been talking lately with a young lady who has a very similar story as me... and she has been in and out of the program. She has 3 months now and her sponsor had wanted her to do a 'quick 4th step', which she did, involving writing down the person, and then talking about the resentments connected with him/her... my friend felt that her sponsor was trying to 'hurry up' about the whole 4 and 5 thing, and she said she did not get much out of it, and was a bit upset.
I have been praying for someone to come along directly in my life that I can get busy helping... so here she is!! She asked me to help her start a thorough 4th step from the Big Book tomorrow... and I am so excited. I am going to start another one myself in the off-time, too.
Sometimes I need a motivator. When I ask God for this kind of blessing, I always get it... :) So I will be spending time with her in the daytime, and writing mine out in the evenings. Each time I do one, I am more shocked and amazed at how cunning some of my defects can be... I am often left with the thought of, "Gosh, everyone in the world has probably seen this but me!!!" While I don't plan on having a major meltdown, I do plan to learn some even deeper truths. I am an inventory-taker... gotta do this often because it usually proves to be the only relief when I get goofy. What a blessing, that something as simple as a good old-fashioned inventory and sharing it with my sponsor, could increase my happiness and mygeneral attitude toward my fellows so much!! Inventory and sharing is definitely my 'majic pill'...... :)
I have sponsored girls before, and have gotten in too deep a few times, forgetting what my primary purpose was (not to caretake, provide for financially, etc....) and I have laid low lately. But I have seen the need in me to actively participate in helping another alcoholic to work these beautiful steps to freedom.
So I am blessed tonight... and see you all on the board for support and growth!!! Can't wait!!!!!
I woke up to another young lady having e-mailed me... she is very very new and terribly afraid to let the mask of, "I'm FINE"... down. I am so blessed. God is indeed serving up exactly what I've been praying for!! :) I want so badly to carry the message!!!
Big hug, Joni. After being computer-withdrawn (and no detox to go to for that, LOL) it's nice to read something that is so inspirational. No joke when they say "can't keep it unless you give it away". I love your heart. Wren
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
