It's been 8 days since my relapse... my moods have been all over the place... my sponsor said that's normal when getting sober, she did the same thing, I guess it doesn't help that we're bipolar though. That first week after my first meeting I was on this pink cloud, along with getting hypomanic on occasion but it was mild hypo and I could handle it. Monday night my anger issues with God came up and got me in a pissy mood. Tuesday - Thursday I had mild depression... Friday back on my pink cloud and I have been all weekend. Well, until I got road rage (a really rare thing for me) on the way home tonight and I've been in a pissy mood all night since then. I just want to stable out! This whole being on a pink cloud thing is really nice though, I feel really f-ing good most the time! But all the cycling back and forth really sucks! I mean, come on, I'm on meds for that! lol My sponsor said it's like this for at least the first few weeks, she even said I'd wind up hypersexual after awhile (my husband is gonna love that! lol)... I'm handling it though - without alcohol - better than I usually handle my bipolar. I'm praying a lot.. and keeping in touch with my dr, and I'm in counseling now (have an appt tomorrow)... I just really wish the cycling would stop though!
Congratulations on 8 days sober! You should be feeling really pleased with yourself, and rightly so.
I remember when I started to get sober and my emotions were all over the place. One minute I would be on an absolute high and the next minute I would be sobbing like a baby. My sponsor explained to me that it was something that most folk go through.
I guess for me that I had used and abused alcohol so much over the years that I had drunk away all of my emotions. I had to start to re-learn a whole range of day-to-day emotions all over again. I still have the odd 'down' day, but I guess that that's life, isn't it? I'm regarding my recovery as a wonderful journey of discovery.
All I can say is that this alcoholic is enjoying being back in touch with daily emotions.
Have a great day and take care,
Carol
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Just keep doing what you're doing, highs and lows or not. Sounds like you have a sponsor that is active in your recovery... and that you yourself are actively seeking sobriety.
When we are in the midst of the insane-range of emotions, especially the 'down' ones, our disease loves to rear it's ugly head and say, "See, this sucks!! It won't get any better than this so DRINK!!!" We have to recognize what is reality and what are the LIES our sick minds tell us. No one EVER feels the same emotion forever, Lisa. You will feel better, and not taking the first drink is a sure way to garantee that the mood swings will have a chance to get less severe. If we pick back up, we start the cycle all the way through again... YUCK!!
Congratulations that you have made it thus far. I believe it is simpler to STAY sober than to GET sober... and I have some relapses in my history to be able to truthfully say that.
Good to see you here, and the mood swings, up and down, do somehow begin to even out, different for all of us.
I personally did not have that experience, my first 6 months were dealing with coming out of so many blackouts from this horrible disease, I can only remember being spaced, in a lot of fear, I think that it because I had relapsed in this Disease for SOOOO Long, the bottom looked like up to me, if that makes any sense, or everything was just kind of upside down, it did take 1/2 of the first year before I could really feel anything like a good mood.
Are any of your meetings, newcomers meetings??
But I completely share Joni's advice, be real careful with the mood swings, just hold on for the ride, just Hold On, and " EVEN IF YOUR ASS FALLS OFF- DON'T DRINK!" Had to throw that one in, it is one of my favorites, I used it as sort of a private inside montra, when I was coming too, in those first months of Recovery.
You are doing so GREAT, and Congratulations on 8 days. Hard, hard work! and you are doing it.
You're doing wicked!!! I'm 5.5 months sober and still have the drastic ups and downs on occasion but they are significantly less often than in the early goings...so keep coming back, sweetie!
hi lisa go with the flow hun this will pass im sure you already know this .Im so proud of you! It isnt easy but you can do it with the help in the rooms god bless jean
Thanks everyone for all the support and kind words At least it's not as bad as my bipolar mood swings usually are, they can be hellacious. I can handle this, it's not really bad but it's really annoying not knowing what you're going to feel like from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day... If I can just ride this pink cloud for a little while all will be good
I think it was Toni who asked... yes, I've been to a couple of newcomer meetings, mine and then 2 others. It really helps listening to what everyone else has gone through, I really enjoy the newcomers meetings.
Surprisingly since my relapse 9 days ago I haven't had a craving for alcohol at all, I haven't even thought about it. I think that slip then just really got it out of my system and showed me I don't need that and I don't want that. All it did was get me pissed off at myself and made me want to hurt myself and I can't do that to myself again. Not to say I won't ever have another relapse but so far since then I haven't even thought about wanting to drink.
Gorsky puts out a book, entitled "Relapse Prevention" It is a very valuable book, it was in the beginning, I remember, had to watch out for anything and everything at that point.
He is the Pro in the Field of Relapse, at least that is how I see him. Hope this helps, you had mentioned that you did not know if you had another relapse in you, well I think we all do, but for me, I am pretty certain, I just don't have another Recovery in me. Dilligence all the time, using all the tools of this program, that is what I keep trying to do in this 24 hour daily reprieve Program of Recovery.
Just thought I would mention the book, in case you are interested.
Thanks Toni, I'll check that out... or I'll ask my sponsor about it first, someone mentioned yesterday at the meeting that in the beginning they had to *just* stick to the big book and their sponsor recommended only reading the big book at first, I'll see if my sponsor has read that book and if she thinks it would be helpful for me right now. I don't have the money for a new book right now but maybe I can find it at the library or something or someone in my group might have it and loan it to me.
At least it's not as bad as my bipolar mood swings usually are, they can be hellacious. I can handle this, it's not really bad but it's really annoying not knowing what you're going to feel like from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day... If I can just ride this pink cloud for a little while all will be good