I am posting on these boards because i have a drink problem..
Just because i have a problem with drink doesnt mean i can just simply slip into a program and all be well.
I have problems with that..
I have been gettin drunk every night since i was about 17/18. I know i have a problem. It scares me that people dont seem to understand.. I cant just go walzing into a meeting and talk to people and resign myself to a 'sponsor' to help me with my problem...
I feel like people are totaly pissed off with me for not doing what is needed.. I dont blame people for that.. but i guess i expected more understanding. Like all this doesnt make me feel more detached from other people... doesnt make me feel more singled out and alone!!!!!!!!!
I post on here because im unhappy.. And doing the thing that might help me is hard too.. Not drinking is difficult... WELL so is going to meetings... People all understand how difficult it is to not drink yet no one seems to understand how difficult it is to go to meetings and get a sponsor etc.. Am I the only one who finds it all so difficult? It doesnt come naturaly to me..
I find it VERY difficult to go to meetings and talk etc.. Well i ent talked yet at a meeting.. iv not been to a meetin in about 8 weeks or more...
I feel that people just dont respect me cos i ent gettin to meetings. Well thats no difference to not respecting me for drinking every night... Im not after a big sympathy vote..
****AND I DO NOT POST TO SEE WHAT "RISE" I CAN GET OUT OF PEOPLE ****
I can understand peoples frustration cos they have drink problem and they seek help straight away where as i havent.. But I find THAT difficult.. All people wana say is "get off your *ss and get to a meeting"... which is just like saying "Just stop drinking!!"... Its not that simple for me... I find it hard!!
I dont want sympathy.
I guess some people find gettin into the program easy... I know some people dont respect me on here. I dont blame them.. Cant say my own respect for myself is of a high level right now..
Im hoping to get to the meetin tuesday.. Will see Allan, anne, annette, etc..
I was gona say more but im feeling deflated now so im gona leave it there...
Well that is pretty interesting. Lack of understanding. hmmmmmm.
Speaking for myself, the reason you frustrate me sometimes is because I don't feel like you are trying to quit. You seem like a really good person and it just bugs the **** out of me that you won't give A.A. a try.
I remember when I used to go to meetings after I had relapsed. Some people were glad I was there so they could see how not to do things. Other people got pissed because they either cared about me or they were resentful at the fact that I was drinking and that they couldn't. That's just the way it is.
My best advice or suggestion would be to stop looking at the differences and try to see where you fit into the picture.
The end result is always jails, institutions, and death. Laugh if you want to. They're all yets for every alcoholic in here.
P.S. Had to add a little something.
You are supposed to feel alone. All you have right now is you and the bottle and an utterly hopeless outlook on life. Keep on drinking until you get serious about wanting to change. Only then will anything be different. Around the tables of A.A. they call what you're thinking pretty much foxhole prayers. Why me? Why does this have to happen to me? Look at everyone else? I don't have a problem! My life is still managable. I don't need help from people. Willpower will get me through this. It works with everything else. Sooner or later I will put the bottle down and be through with it. Forget this higher power bs. Etc. Etc. Etc.
I have just read your post and I had to try to reply to you. Why? 'Cos I have been exactly where you are.
I started once with AA and managed to get eight weeks of sobriety behind me. Then, I figured that I knew better and I stopped going to meetings. Within no time at all I was back drinking.
Occasionally, I would see someone that I had known from AA. I hid from them. I couldn't speak to them. I just didn't want to know.
I had always dreaded my meetings. I was so painfully shy and I couldn't even say my own name without going scarlet in the face and stuttering and stammering. I couldn't understand how folk could talk so easily and openly about their drinking days. That just had me beat. I would shuffle into the back of a meeting with my head held low and then shuffle out again. I didn't even want anybody to see me.
When I was back drinking, I used to think of the folk I had met. I wished them all the sobriety in the world. I wished that for me, too, but I wasn't getting it. And, a head full of AA and a belly full of booze is a lousy cocktail!
Eventually, eighteen lousy months later, I crawled back to AA. I still find it so hard to share in front of people. I am still very shy and a quiet reflective person. But, my Higher Power is working away for me.
Rob, I wanted to tell you that I respect you enormously. You are doing something that I couldn't have done - you can post to this board and say that you are unhappy and that you have a problem. Rob, in my book, that takes real guts.
You take the very best care of yourself that you can.
With all best wishes,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I respect ya, Rob...and I pray each day for ya. You are here and that's a good thing...there are all kinds of peeps in the fellowship of AA...we are not perfect...and none of us claim perfection, just progress. Anyone that comes on to ya hard is doing it because they care...that simple. You may feel it's an attack, but it's not...it's a plea for your life! Think about if you were walking down the street and saw a child or someone you care about, about to cross into the path of a speeding car...wouldn't you try to warn them? Do SOMETHING drastic even to alert them to safety? It's the same thing for those of us in Sobriety...we can see that you are walking into harms way...it's life and death being out there...and we've been there ourselves. By your posting here says you want our help...so as long as you post here, we will do our very best to carry the message of AA and Recovery and reach out to you. Take what you want and leave the rest.
The only way that works for me to stay sober is by going to meetings and taking suggestions. You feel the way you feel because your still drinking and hanging out on line with people you want to be like. It makes you angry and alcohol messes with the brain. I don't have much respect for a person who has all the tools handed to them and does not use them,that is just the way I feel. I feel you have gotten tons of attention on this board both positvie and negative,you just like the postive better like most of us. Do I hate you,no because I don't know you. I feel sorry for you at times because you just can't seem to get it eventhough it's right in front of your face. I get a bit frustrated because you just go on and on about yourself and you FFs when Phil asked you to watch yourself. I feel sometimes your not a nice drunk eventhough you want everyone to like you. We can like you,but we don't have to like your behavior when your drinking. Even when your not drunk,the alcoholic mind is still with you because your NOT IN RECOVERY! Again it's a one day at a time program. Just for today you do not have to drink. To help you not to drink it is suggested to go to a meeting. If that does not work,then get professional help to give you some time away from your setting where you drink. You can got to a detox or a rehab. You can go to an out patent thing if meetings alone does not help. Perhaps not everyone has a problem with a guy that comes to a recovery forum still drinking, I do,but that's my problem not yours. I do wish you well and wish you sober.
Do you know what courage is .It is when you do it even though you are scared.No one said it is easy espeically to go to your first meetings but to keep it real.
you are going to jail or 6 feet under.So maybe we get passionate on telling you to go to a meeting cause we dont want you to land up in jail or die .
We also know we cant do it for you it is not about respect is about life and death.
People in AA understand your stuggle and yes we are thrilled you post here .but as I said it is about life and death.
