....and not drinking! Only been a couple of days. I still can't get to any meetings: my daughter who is only three prevents me from going to all the local ones except for this one on Fridays where they have a creche. There should be more creche meetings! Maybe I could start one up myself, but that might be a bit ambitious since I am new to the sobering up process.
Saw the guy who lives downstairs from me the other day: he's a middle aged and very well-educated guy who is in advanced trouble with booze. By which I mean that he seems, for all his intelligence, to be getting a bit demented. I talked to him for a while, but then had to go so I could get to the pharmacy on time to get my Prozac prescription filled (lol!). And he says: 'Prozac, PROZAC?!? Pop a cork, my dear, pop a cork....'
He's not a happy camper, this guy, at all. But I've known him for years (my parents own the flat I am currently living in, so I've been hanging around here on and off for a while) and it's hard to imagine him recovering from his alcoholism. (sorry: this probably all seems a bit irrelevant, since his problem is not my problem). It's not that this guy is 'in denial': he cheerfully admits that he's a 'hopeless' alcoholic. He's just given up and submitted completely to alcohol over the last few years. Strange: his submission seems (in a bad way of course) to be analogous to submitting oneself to a higher power....but his 'HP' is in fact his addiction. Mine too, I have felt at times. Like when one just robotically picks up the glass despite or perhaps because you KNOW it's the worst possible time to do so, that all sorts of disaster will ensue.....you pick up the damn glass even when you don't even want to. You just do it like a robot. How many times have I robotically drunk like this? Promised myself I wouldn't go to bottle shop all day and then just headed over there sort of automatically? Some weird sort of 'doublethink' is involved, perhaps.
Well done on all that you are doing. I know that it isn't easy, but it honestly does get better. When folk said that to me just after I started back with AA, I used to think to myself 'it might get better for you, but I'm different'. But, the great news is that I am no different and it really does get better.
As I don't drive (lost my licence 'cos of drink driving conviction) I, too, have problems getting to meetings. When that happens, I do on-line AA meetings, drop into forums like this, sit and read some AA books, or just 'phone somebody else in the fellowship. It all helps.
At times, I have been hanging in one minute at a time. But, those moments pass and I emerge stronger each time. You will, too.
With all good wishes to you,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Welcome back! Good to see you posting again. Keep trying, I know for me it has taken more than a couple times drinking again to get to where I am now. It's all a learning process I think.
I used to call my robotic way of going to get liquor or picking up that drink feeling posessed. That's what it was like for me. Like being on auto-pilot. Just doing what I knew how to do. Today I can rely on my HP to fly this plane for me. No more auto-pilot.
I can't promise I'll never drink again but I hope I never have to again.
I too have lost my licence but for a different reason so what I do when I go to a meeting I pick up a members list and start making phone calls, keeping in contact and asking if they would mind taking me to a meeting in the area. Then the process continues.
Later - Jeannie
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
