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Post Info TOPIC: Being Vulnerable
Phil


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Being Vulnerable
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The Language of Letting Go.


Being Vulnerable


Part of recovery means learning to share ourselves with other people. We learn to admit our mistakes and expose our imperfections -- not so that others can fix us, rescue us, or feel sorry for us, but so we can love and accept ourselves. This sharing is a catalyst in healing and changing.


Many of us are fearful of sharing our imperfections because that makes us vulnerable. Some of us have tried being vulnerable in the past, and people tried to control, manipulate, or exploit us, or they made us feel ashamed.


Some of us in recovery have hurt ourselves by being vulnerable. We may have shared things with people who didn't respect our confidence. Or we may have told the wrong people at an inappropriate time, and scared them away.


We learn from our mistakes -- and despite our mistakes, it is still a good thing to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and honest. We can learn to choose safe people with whom to share ourselves. We can learn to share appropriately, so we don't scare or push people away. We can also learn to let others be vulnerable with us.


Today, God, help me learn to be appropriately vulnerable. I will not let others exploit or shame me for being vulnerable, and I will not exploit myself.

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jeannie


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Many of us are fearful of sharing our imperfections because that makes us vulnerable. Some of us have tried being vulnerable in the past, and people tried to control, manipulate, or exploit us, or they made us feel ashamed.



Some of us in recovery have hurt ourselves by being vulnerable. We may have shared things with people who didn't respect our confidence. Or we may have told the wrong people at an inappropriate time, and scared them away.


Phil - this part of your post hits and hurts home right now - I needed this post.  Thanks very much.  


Later - Jeannie



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ChopperBabe


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jeannie wrote:


Many of us are fearful of sharing our imperfections because that makes us vulnerable. Some of us have tried being vulnerable in the past, and people tried to control, manipulate, or exploit us, or they made us feel ashamed. Some of us in recovery have hurt ourselves by being vulnerable. We may have shared things with people who didn't respect our confidence. Or we may have told the wrong people at an inappropriate time, and scared them away.

Here's what happens in my home group: You let your guard down, you tell your story in bits and pieces and after the meeting they pat you on the back, shake your hand and/or hug you, tell you "I'm so glad you're here". Well, sure they're glad, cause THEN they get in their little clicks and they 'poo poo' you. You have given them something new to talk about. That almighty finger pointing starts 'poor so-and so, if he/she would just stop fighting it, STEP ONE, step one, step one". So, you stay away from meetings and you stay sober. Then you decide to try it again, after all they promised you a new freedom and a new happiness, but they immediately assume because you haven't been to meetings you've been drinking again! You feel like the red-headed step child when you walk through that door. And when you don't surrender to starting over by picking up their little white chip at the end of the meeting then you have really given them something to talk about. .  Who needs it. If I want to feel bad about myself I can stay home and drink or better yet I can call my parents!  I have the BB and all the reading materials that are needed, recovery forums???? and best of all I have God, who can get me through anything if I just call upon him.  But this is just ME.

-- Edited by ChopperBabe at 08:35, 2006-06-18

-- Edited by Phil at 08:59, 2006-06-18

-- Edited by Toni Baloney at 15:44, 2006-06-18

-- Edited by Toni Baloney at 15:51, 2006-06-18

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Phil


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Morning girls...


Well. Im going to throw in my share...on this one..without debating it....


And add..we each do what we do for ourselves individually...whatever that may be...and whatever it takes..


There are bad apples in every basket...and AA is no exception..


And the old sayings that some are sicker than others....some are judgmental... some are gossips..and some put personalities before princilals...is  true..


Ive learned over a great number of days..in this program....those that I can confide in and share with..and those that I cannot..


Ive learned that there are certain meetings I can go to..and those that I cannot..


There are oldtimers in AA also...that think they are God...Ive got to stay away from them...


Im an oldtimer...I used to think I knew all the answers...and could tell everyone else how to do it...


Well..Yu know something...? I know Sheeet...


Its still one day at a time..and each day is a new day...and all I really do is share humbly...experience strength and hope...from the heart..with love...with those that want it...


I hafta go to meetings for a check up from the neck up..as often as possible...or stinking thinking, can still set in..


I also go for the newcommer...and to to give back to AA...wherever possible...This program and the positive people, in the program...reached out to this sicker than sick person...and saved my life..


AA may be far from perfect....but what is?


Stick with the winners....there are a lot of great people in this program...whom one can trust fully...and whom one can be completey vulnerable with...without fear of reprisal...we get to know, who they are...sometimes..the hard way...


All I know for sure is....If this big kid picks up one drink...I wont make it back...and Im not ready, to bite the dust yet..


You guys have a great day...


 



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Wren


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When I go to a meeting, I go for myself and the person who may need to hear what I have to say. Maybe just one sentence may hit home. I don't go to please anyone else. Just like in any other situation, I pick my friends carefully. And sometimes, even those I don't care for on a social level, may say something I need to hear. I refuse to give my power away to the few, when there are so many who are good. Making myself vulnerable is for my own growth, my own experience. And then I can walk out that door without looking back to see who's in a huddle. My sobriety is why I'm there. In the beginning, I went to a whole lot of meetings to find one that felt like a "home group" for me. I even went down to another town on occassion, where I didn't really know anyone, if I had a hurt that I wanted to get out and didn't care to involve people that I knew. It's the program of AA I went for, not the people. I'll do anything I need to, to stay sober. I managed to spend years in bars with goofuses, night after night, so yeah, I can sit with a few goofuses in a meeting, and concentrate on that one person who may need my words. Hugs Wren

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Toni Baloney


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Thanks for this Post Phil,

I personally draw my own Strength from how open and vulnerable I will let myself be.

Of course we can be open and vulnerable with our close friends, if not, why have a friendship.

That line from Das Energi comes to mind, "We learn to draw lines of discrimination with evaporating ink".

If I am at an A.A. Meeting, well I am there for my own Sobriety first, and try always to speak from the heart, not the head. And really sometimes have no idea what my heart is going to say, until I have let it speak. There is a tremendous vulnerability in that.

As far as what others think about me, well the good news, that I have been taught years ago, it is really none of my business, so I am there for one reason only, to share my experience, Strength and Hope with others, pretty simple stuff really.

I draw my strength from my vulnerablity, it is that simple. My own vulnerabilty stems from putting complete Trust in a Higher Power that I choose to call God, and simply going from there.

For so many years of hiding in Darkness and Fear, I do not live that way today, and for that I will always be Grateful.

For the first 2 or 3 years of being in this Program, I can recall clearly, how my insides would tremble during and after my sharing in a meeting. And as times has gone by, I don't really know when the change occurred, but it has been quite a while, and now when I share, I never feel that trembling, my heart rate stays the same, and I concentrate on listening to others, and what they are saying, and sometimes, what they are trying to say.

Keeps me humble and Sober, and that is why I remain Grateful to this Simple Program. never has been easy, but it remains Simple.

We are all only granted a 24 hour Reprieve in this Program, I believe that with my whole heart, no one is ever doing any better than anyone else. Just my take.

It is an un-natural state for an Alcoholic to not be drinking, and only be the Grace of a Loving God, do we remain in this un-natural state.

The Spiritual aspect of this Program is really the heart of this Program, where we draw the strength to work the Steps, diligently, and with vulnerability.

Hugs to all,

Toni



-- Edited by Toni Baloney at 15:41, 2006-06-27

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ChopperBabe


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Excellent point, phil. But where I live it's the WHOLE DAMNED ORCHARD, not just a basket full!  I tried again, a few days ago. Same old, same old. Even had one asshole say, 'glad you're back', when I said "I've never been gone" they ALL looked at me like I was liar. Now what?


 


 



-- Edited by ChopperBabe at 14:19, 2006-06-27

-- Edited by Wren at 16:45, 2006-06-27

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Wren


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Inappropriate or confrontational comments made to other members will be edited out, or the whole post deleted when necessary. This is an AA forum where Experience, Strength and Hope are shared. If somebody has an issue with another member, please take it up on private messeges so that the integrity of this board is maintained. Many thanks for your cooperation, Wren

-- Edited by Wren at 16:50, 2006-06-27

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Dori


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Hi,


 Well Phil said it very well .I dont really need to add but I kept haveing this thought people are people.



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jonibaloni


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I cared not one IOTA what people knew about me and said about me when I was falling off barstools, smoking crack and going to jail.


Now, I have to remember that a lot of the beatiful, yet sick people in AA are: coming off the bar stool... getting out of jail... putting down the crack...


My point? I need to not have unrealistic expectations of people who are also very spiritually sick, and yet not forget that I myself am spiritually sick.


I have gone through many 'phases' over the years in AA, and I am very content with AA now that i have formed a support group of women whom I can trust fully... who can truly handle me and my idiocyncracies, and who are healthy enough to have ABSOLUTELY nothing to gain from sharing my business. I also don't share super-personal things with men. Not that there aren't some men who are 'safe' and have the best of intwentions, but I just don't, as a rule.


I have found my AA experience much more gratifying and happy since making these kinds of changes.... for ME.


Just sharing my experience.


Take care,


Jonibaloni



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Phil


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Well Chopper? My take?


There are ther ones that give a sheet...and the ones that are so self centered and judgemental...that the only ones they give a sheet about..are themselves..


Stick with the ones that DO give a sheet...and have compassion for the rest...:)


You have a nice day eh...



-- Edited by Phil at 08:47, 2006-06-28

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