Did anyone else struggle with this when you started AA? I have no faith anymore. I was a wiccan when I was a young teen, and then I became a Christian when I was 16 and lost my faith about a year ago. I believe there's some type of god because I don't believe in evolution or the big bang theory, someone had to create all this. But that's about as far as it goes for me.
I became a Christian for the wrong reasons, I did it because it was what was all around me being in a private christian high school and my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) was a christian and got me going to church and I got baptized (for the wrong reasons, thinking it would make things better, not really because i really believed).
Wicca really worked for me when I was younger and got me through a lot. The whole "An harm it none do what ye will" really got me through some hard times. It kept me from hurting myself for a long time. The whole "Treat your body as a temple of God" just didn't help in the same way. It should've, it's the same thing, but it didn't.
I talked to my husband tonight and we decided we'll start going to church for awhile, I promised him I'd give Christianity another chance before I go pick up another book on wicca since he's a Christian and I'd like to be able to share our religion and faith. But I told him I have to find what works for me and if I'm going to get through all this I have to find some sort of a higher power and I don't like the whole idea of saying AA is my higher power, I feel like it needs to be some sort of god.
I just feel pretty alone in this, everyone else in my group has found their higher power and here I am with nothing. I don't know what I believe and I don't know what's going to work for me to get my faith back.
Hi Lisa. A few days back, we were talking about "trusting in the void". When our minds cannot wrap around anything else, and we're in that in-between stage, trusting in the void kept me sane thru some very rough patches in my life. Also kept me sober. And when I'm in doubt? I look outside. I don't care if it's a breeze, a bird in flight, the clouds moving past----there is no doubt in my mind that when all else seems so remote, I can count on Nature being a Power greater than Myself. Who we percieve to have created nature isn't the issue. It's just that knowing that something much greater than I am is really out there, and I can absolutely trust in it's divine origins, regardless of what that Diety is. Blessings, Wren
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
