Beautiful Phil. No wait, you'll take that personally, LOL. I'll start again, lest you think I'm calling you beautiful.

That is a beautiful post, Phil. (there, that's better).

I agree, we are the only ones that can set ourselves free. I watched a movie the other night, where every time this young man would do something he felt crossed his familial boundries, he would see his Jewish Grandmother taking a fry pan and hitting herself on the head with it, over and over. When we do not allow ourselves to release the past, nod to the lesson in it and then go on, we are taking that same frying pan and hitting ourselves over and over on the head with it. Why do so many of us cling to the past like this? I've questioned myself over and over. For me, I think when I keep reliving things, which means reliving the anger and bitterness, I'm validating for myself why I'm messed up. It's a good way for me to not hold myself accountable. If I truly let the past go, then whoops! I become responsible for myself and my actions.  I can remember being at a point where I'd go "yeah, my Mother said this or that, traumatized me, blah blah". And then one day, after a few years of sobriety, I looked at her and thought "gawd, Chris, she's your Mom. She's just your Mom". And I walked over and held her, and told her how much I loved her. Now, I realize that in the scheme of things, that others may not be able to do this for various reasons. But when I have run into a particularly hurtful action by others, like an ex that was very very abusive, I find if I pray for him when those feelings come up, and find a way in my heart to feel pity because he treated me the only way he knew how, based on his upbringing/his own sicknesses, I found myself able to forgive him. I didn't feel any great love for him, but I was able to "hand him over to God". I HAD to realize that it keeps me in a sick place to rehash sickness. It was one of the many things, the little steps and big steps, that help me on the path to a more gentle sobriety. And sometimes, when these things raise their heads again? Instead of getting out the frying pan---

"Overcome not by force, overcome by surrender. The battle is fought, and won, inside ourselves. We must go through it until we learn, until we accept, until we become grateful, until we are set free."

"Today, I will be open to the lessons of my present circumstances. I do not have to label, know, or understand what I'm learning; I will see clearly in time. For today, trust and gratitude are sufficient."

Thank you so much for the post, Phil. Ok, yeah, you're beautiful....hugs Wren