I just emailed the last person I felt needs to know about the drinking and AA... my best online friend that I've known for 7 years... he was there for me through problems I had when I was 15 and 16, he helped me to find out about God and know God and eventually led me to decide to get baptized about a year after I met him. He knows about my bipolar and self injury and other problems I've had and has always been there for me but I never let him know about the drinking, I was too ashamed... I also hadn't told him that I started to lose faith about a year ago... so I emailed him tonight and opened up to him and was honest with him, told him about the drinking, told him what's been going on lately, and how I realized I needed AA and that I've been going, and I even told him how the 12 steps scares me because of that whole higher power thing and how I've lost faith and haven't prayed in at least a year, haven't read my bible in longer than that, I dont' remember the last time I went to church... all that... I expect some kind of sermon from him, he's good about doing that. Maybe it'll knock some sense into me as far as my faith goes... I had already told everyone else that needed to know (my family and close friends) and I've been putting off telling him but I finally realized I needed to. He'll be supportive and everything like he always is but I know I'll get a sermon about my lack of faith.
For me it was a huge relief when the people close to me finally knew about my drinking. There were some who said "No, you're not an alcoholic!" Some who were not surprised at all and some who had no idea how much I drank. It was alot of work trying to hide my disease from everyone. It's very freeing to me that it's no longer a secret. At times I am still filled with embarassment but that too is changing for me today. Thanks for sharing I hope you find support from your friend and help with your faith returning.
I never really kept it a secret except for from that friend that I emailed last night (which by the way I didn't get much of a sermon but he told me he was here for me and gave me some scripture to read). I'd tell people yeah we had a party and I got wasted. I'd get on the message boards I go to and post about how drunk I was. My parents knew half the time when I stole out of the liquor cabinet. A lot of people didn't know how much of a problem it was for me though. I'd had some people tell me I drank too much or needed to know when to stop myself. You could always count on me being the first one to be hugging the toilet at a party. My mom always got on my case for drinking with my bipolar meds. I had to call her several times lately saying I'm too hungover to come over. I've had one friend say she doesn't think I'm an alcoholic (mainly because her dad was an alcoholic but he was one of those who drank all day long just sipping to get through the day and didn't really get drunk half the time and I'm not the same way) but she told me if these meetings are helping me to keep going and she supports me. My mom didn't say much of anything, she acted like I don't need AA. And my stepmom said my dad didn't say much when she told him I was going. But I have support from a few of my friends and my husband's parents at least, and from all the people on the message boards I go to, and now the people in my AA group. I never really tried to hide it, but now that I'm getting help I wanted my friends and family to know so I could get their support, if they were going to be supportive. I felt like I had to come clean and tell them.
You are doing a good job on Step 1, my friend, right here and now!! You are admitting, not only to yourself but to others, your powerlessness over alcohol, and subsequently describing SOME of the unmanageability... I would encourage you to write this down and definitely read the 12 and 12 on Step 1... see, you are already on your way to working the steps!!! Keep it up, Girl!!
Thanks joni, I admitted it to myself a long time ago but I didn't want to give up the alcohol. Now I'm at least admitting that I can't control it and I can't keep drinking. I was the same way when I found out I was bipolar, I told everyone, mainly because I knew if I DIDN'T tell them I wouldn't have their support if I needed it. I want to know I have everyone's support in this too, so I told everyone, I don't try to hide it, I'm not really ashamed of it, it's just a problem that I have to overcome. I even go to the coffeeshop I hang out at to read the big book, and it's sitting out on the table and people see it, the cook I know saw it today and was like "okay..." I didn't give her any explanation, I would've if she'd asked. I've just never minded people knowing about my problems, I know if others know about it they can help me and be there for me.
