Trust, in a practical sense, means that you place confidence in someone to be honest with you, faithful to you, keep promises, vows and confidences and not abandon you. Here are some factors to consider about trust. Trusting another person requires a realistic perspective about people and an expectation of failure. Trust needs to be combined with a willingness to forgive and grows best in an environment of acceptance and love.
There's no magic machine, you don't put in a quarter and out drops a can of trust -- trust grows over time. People are complex, broken beings therefore, previous hurts, fears or losses can impede their determination to trust and/or be truthful in a relationship. But, people have the capacity and the ability to change and to grow in trust and truthfulness. You can rebuild trust in broken relationships when you make a choice to do so with the supernatural help of God.
Adjust your expectations
People are human, frail, and sinful. Therefore, you need a realistic type of trust when you choose to trust someone. Trusting grows in relationships over time because as you spend time together with someone you build knowledge, understanding and authenticity. You gain insight into another person's character, needs, motivations and fears.
Unconditional love develops trust because as you express this kind of love towards someone -- generally he or she will sense your acceptance and feel comfortable to be vulnerable and honest about their feelings. Unconditional love actually builds self-esteem in others and alleviates their fears of rejection. People learn that they can be authentic with you about their feelings, opinions, and failures. The result is a growing trust in the other person. Not because that person is perfect but because that person is growing in honesty.
Unconditional love is patient and kind
It is not self-seeking. It does not keep a record of wrongs. When love is not patient or enduring; when love is unforgiving and always disappointed or looking for something to go wrong, it generates fear and looks for imperfections in the other person. Fear-based love is conditional creating an atmosphere of distrust, dishonesty and instability.
You can have a limited trust in people as you grow to know them and they see you really care about them but the fact is that people will let us down. That is reality. Obviously, when someone has broken their vows and been unfaithful, has lied or been dishonest in the relationship, they need to change. You can make some requests for change and take the risk of starting over again.
If that person is not sincere about changing and continues to lie or betray you, then, you need to consider whether to end the relationship.
Take a look at yourself as well
You will never be perfect and therefore, you will probably disappoint your loved one as well. You can promise to never say something hurtful or never tell a lie or never exaggerate or always keep your promises or (you name it) but since you are human you will also make mistakes and disappoint that person. The only thing you or your loved one can promise is to grow, to seek God and ask Him for strength to change. Then you and your loved one will become more trustworthy in your relationships, though you will never be perfect.
Every human relationship will suffer hurt. Thus, we all need to become better forgivers and confessors. That ability to reconcile and spirit of humbleness will prove the depth of your love and commitment.
The components of love, forgiveness and commitment are as necessary to trust in a relationship as is honesty. Forgiveness gives you the chance to start over and trust another fallible human being again. Love helps to nourish trust. Commitment and honesty provide accountability to one another.
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Life is short..Live it sober to the fullest...One day at a time...
Wow, the ability to offer uncondtional love to others, not so easy as you would think, we love others, and do not believe we have any conditions attached, but let that same person dissapoint you deeply, and how quick I am to want to start detaching.
Well, first i have to look at my own M.O. Yep, that was my life story, to Bolt away, leaving little room for staying, looking at my own Part, if I felt deeply dissapointed, it must be their fault, right? Now in Recovery, we can step back, and realize the reason for the dissapointment was based on some perfectionistic (wow, do i dislike that word) expectation of this Person. have to go back, erase the expectation, and start over, with a different frame of Reference to that person, that they we are human, and they are going to screw up, just like me, I am human, and I am going to screw up.
Now, apply forgiveness to myself for the erroneous judgement, and start over with this same person, inside, seeing that we both are only human, don't really have a real clue as to what it is we think we know, we are subjects of our own little preceptions, in our lives, turn the whole thing over to my Higher Power, and ask for guidance and the removal of my Own Short Comings, not theirs, my own limited little way I see something.
Staying, not bolting, that has been the teacher for me. Giving up on that old familiar way of dealing on not dealing with life.
I don't think this Response is very inspirational, but it is me today, so have to be rigerously honest. Oh, well, progress, not perfection. I can do that.
