My mum n dad are going away tomorrow for two weeks, house and dog sitting for their friends whilst they are way.. nice house, nice place etc.. Mum and dad both drank tonight.. dad went to bed early.. Mum, cos shes over weight doesnt eat much.. and ofcourse still drinks alot.. so thats why she is all over the place when shes drunk.. dad gets drunk EVERY night (same as me..and mum) but he eats so he can still ... be togetether enough. if you understand me.. but mum doesnt eat hardly anything so the drink just totaly ### her up.. Mum was downstairs in the front room asleep I woke her up n then left her to it.. went down bout 10-20 mins later. she was asleep again.. i woke her up.. again reminded her that she was going on holiday tomorrow..she said yeah and ok.. i went to the toilet and then went back into front room she was dozing off again. i made her wake up this time.. kept on at her..not being nasty or anything.. just kept saying wake up etc.. and that she was going on holiday soon.. I helped her to get upstairs. she was wabbling left and right.. i told her that i loved her.. she said that she knew that.. that if i didnt love her i wouldnt be helping her like this she said.. i said yeah... So i got her upstairs and we hugged.. she went into the bathroom.. i kept my ears open.. I heard when she came out and went to her ... asked her if she was ok.. she had trouble speaking ... I said to her at one point.. downstairs i think.. " I know you are a drunk but i still love you".. she thanked me.. . I made references to me, mum and dad being drunks n stuff.. she kept saying sorry i told her it wasnt her fault that it was a disease.. an allergic reaction etc.. I know shes sorry.. I kept saying to her that she should eat.. that even if she still drank to eat .. that if she ate then she would be far more together .. she admited that she didnt eat much.. i said that her body was in starvation mode so it would retain more fat cos she was not eating enough which she does know already.. I told her many times that i love her and not to be sorry that it wasnt her fault... I really have got to get my mum sober.. I think AA could work really well for my mum... I think i am gona have to try to get her to a meeting but im not sure the best way to go about it.. i need to get to a meetin and talk to Alan i think... not worrying about myself but about my mum... See what he can sugest... My mum is a christian and i really think AA could work for her. The thing thats been holding me back si that she is gona wana go to meetins with me and there is no way in hell that i can share and talk and RECOVER with her there... I need to do this on my own.. i cant do it with my mum there.. I duno even if AA can help ME yet.. But i do think it can help my mum.. Its just i live with my parents.. they do alot for me really and this is something i CANT do with either of them there.. So im totaly lost... I guess really i should put my mum first and get her help... Then worry about me..
Words unacceptable to this board were deleted by Phil...
It does run in the family Rob, My family too, why not get you sober and see if it inspires your mum, you are powerless over her, but not over you, and with that you could indirectly change her, maybe not tomorrow maybe not next week but you might just plant that seed of hope in her mind that she can do this, and you can too, your one of the good guys mate, why not prove to the world just how good you really are and leave the rest to what ever you want to call it, HP God Fate blah blagh blaahhhh.
There is a saying, and I hate it, you have to step over the bodies, but that does not mean you lose any love
Well the thing is my mum is a christian and belives in god... I think she would find this program good for her.. She would accept it alot easier than me.. She beleives in god and all that and i think she could really follow this program well.. me on the other hand i realy duno how the hell i can make this work for me yet... so i would like to get her into it then worry about me.. ..
Oh and im NOT powerless over my mum.. not totaly..i just have to try harder.. I may find im powerless eventualy but im not powerless yet.. OBVIOUSLY no one is necesarily POWERLESS over someone .. OFTEN a person can sway another persons beliefs, thought or actions.. NOT always but some of the time..
If people were powerless then AA would have no affect on anyone..
We are powerless over Alcohol. That is the powerlessness you keep hearing about. The reason you keep hearing it is that is the GREAT Fact for us, that we need to understand, everyday of our Lives. We will remain Powerless over Alcohol, for life.
And just a question, for you, if you had no interest in AA, how would you feel about you Mum, trying to get you into the Program?? Think about that.
The concept of someone needing help, MUST come from inside that person. A doctor told me that many years ago, when I was attempting to get help for my own mother, he told me CLEARLY, I was wasting my time and energy. If she wants help, she will have to be the one asking for that help. She had other problems not alcohol related, but very serious other issues, that needed medical, pyschiatric help. she never asked for it, and never got the help she needed. Too much fear, who knows, its history now.
Can the Blind really Lead the Blind, just a question, you are forgetting one of the big "truths" of this AA 12 Step Program. it will remain a fact in this Program "That it is an INSIDE JOB" Really pretty simple concepts here Rob.
Good to hear from you. I've missed you being around here.
I just wanted to kind of second or third what's been said. Not only are we powerless over alcohol, we are 100% powerless over other people, places, and things. If I believe I can control people and the outcome of things, that means I'm playing god. Scary.
I really hope that something good comes your way for you and your family.
sometimes its better if you come from an agnostic background, perhaps your mum is a christian but that does not stop her drinking, AA will. do it for yourself mate you cant put others first. my dads still a drunk
Rob In the big book there is a chapter on we as agnostics have u ever read that chapter? It will give u some answers.... Busbe
Yes i have read this section and i was totaly dissapointed. It was very presumptuous of how an atheist may think, ofcourse i expect most atheists think differently to eachother. I found it entirely innacurate in terms of how i think. And i did not expect that at all, i expected differenty psychological angles/perspectives to try. But translated it bascialy says Dont worry if you dont bleve in god, alot of us didnt but you will do..
Anyway not to get back into this subject again, just replying to your question.
And just a question, for you, if you had no interest in AA, how would you feel about you Mum, trying to get you into the Program??
Actualy long ago, when me and mum were talking about drinking she said "What about AA?".. i kinda put her off .. I cant really remember what i said i just remember puttin her off by dismissing it myself, i did give reasons.. i think i said you had to be very religious.. but to be honest i really cant remember. This was a couple of years ago before.
My mum is far more of a group person, she loves lots of people being together doing stuff. I just think it could help my mum easier than it will me... for the time being anyway. And she is religious.. ok more spiritual and im sure she could read stuff about asking god for help and handing herself over to god and it make sense to her. And im irratated with myself for putting her off it
I havnt totaly dismissed aa myself just that i think she would settle into it alot more naturaly and easier. But yeah i do need to kinda lead by example to some degree. But also iv been an alki alot longer than she has. She hasnt spent her whole adult life as one but i know she hates it..
I know how all this sounds in relation to me but im only comparing her to me cos i am thinking of her and how she might get better..
I see my own issues with drink and aa and what to do about it and i feel it taking longer with me. So i just kinda wish she could get some aa help and sort herself out and i will go along my path at whatever speed it takes.
Hell i duno, im tired.
Thanx everyone anyway... Hope you all have a good day.
Well, My friend, I do have to tell you that yesterday, was REALLY a day of feeling, just a little side-tracked myself. So please overlook my comments. I think it is time for me to take a little break over this week-end.
The truth is you love your Mom, and it is heartwarming to know that you are going to try to help her. I think doing whatever you want or need to do is what you need to do, when it is coming from Love.
Hope whatever you attempt to do, will work for you and her.
Love and a big hug, Toni
I am feeling a little ashamed of myself from coming from where ever the heck I was yesterday, my apolopgies to you. And a little self correction: AA is not a Religeous Program, however there are many people I believe that are Christians in AA, it not anything that ever comes up, in the meetings I attend.
Hi Rob, Well, My friend, I do have to tell you that yesterday, was REALLY a day of feeling, just a little side-tracked myself. So please overlook my comments. I think it is time for me to take a little break over this week-end. The truth is you love your Mom, and it is heartwarming to know that you are going to try to help her. I think doing whatever you want or need to do is what you need to do, when it is coming from Love. Hope whatever you attempt to do, will work for you and her. Love and a big hug, Toni I am feeling a little ashamed of myself from coming from where ever the heck I was yesterday, my apolopgies to you. And a little self correction: AA is not a Religeous Program, however there are many people I believe that are Christians in AA, it not anything that ever comes up, in the meetings I attend. Toni
Ok no worries... I hope you have a good weekend Toni..
Well what are you waiting for (a kick in the pants). If you think AA might work for your Mum, ask her to go to a meeting with you. There's a saying in AA, You can be to smart for recovery but you can't be too dumb. Recovery is about feelings, not what you thinks. You seem like a bright guybut it seems like your over analyzing this recovery thing. When I was new I bought all kinds of recovery self help books. I thought if I got enough imformation I would have this problem licked. But I found out that the problem wasn't the booze, the problem was Bob'b self centeredness, the booze was how I delt with my problem by stuffing my feeling under a alcoholic haze. Your Mum might be afraidthat if she gets sober she'll lose your father so if you can get her in the door of meetings so she can hook up with other women she's got a chance, just like the rest of us. But after that her recovery is her recovery and if she makes it it's up to her high power not you. Good luck.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
