Hey guys,

When I came into the program I had a one year old and a five year old.  I could not go to a meeting every day either.  I went as often as possible, calling in help from friends and relatives to watch the kids.  I talked to my sponsor A LOT and made sure to do something for my recovery every day.  That could mean reading, writing, talking on the phone, having another alcohlic over for coffee (did that lots), reading the Grapevine (great resource).  If I had found this page, I would have posted on here for sure.  I still do something for my recovery every day.

So, as to your question, yes it can work if you don't go to a meeting every day.  I really had to examine my motives for not going to meetings though.  Often I did not really want to go and the kids made a pretty good excuse but if I got it together and figured out a plan ahead of time, I could go.  Come to think of it, if I am feeling kinda tired and not like going to a meeting, I can still come up with some pretty damn good reasons not to.  It depend how bad you want recovery.  They say that if you don't put recovery first you will lose what is most dear to you.  I was terrified to lose my kids but the fact was if I drank that was very possible.  I drove with them in the car when I was drunk and put them in danger more often than I like to think.  So, I would rather they hear what was said at meetings than be unsafe with me. (I hate that part of my story the most).

TLH - I totally understand what you mean.  I embarrased myself too many times to count.  Almost everyone I knew saw me wasted and making a fool of myself.  Now when they come over, instead of being proud that I am no longer acting that way and screaming from the top of my lungs that I found a solution, I run around hiding my AA books so, God forbid, they don't know I am doing something to help myself.  It is crazy, but I totally know what you mean, I do it too.

I think I should keep coming back :)

Good night guys,

WR

No, you do not have to go to a meeting a day to stay sober,but it's a good suggestion.  I went to 90/90 but made two meetings a day when I could not go one day just because I was so set on staying sober that I took all the suggestions (well most of them anyway).  I guess for me as long as you stay sober it does not matter what suggestions you take or leave.  I have 6 kids, 3 in need of supervision when I go to meetings.  At first I was a coffee maker and if I did not have thier father watching them,then I'd go set up with kids in tow,then leave.  It was all about learning responcibility in making coffee,not about getting pats on the back.  I'm almost 2 years sober this time around.  I go to meetings now at least once a week if I can being now I have an night time job or the kid's father works OT.  My suggestion is to set out for one meeting a week that you must go to say when your daughter's father has her.  I too use this board and another board to help suppilment meetings because I cannot go everyday. I do my little service work by being a moderator on another board.  It only takes a minute or two a day and I just keep my toes in the water sort of speaking.  I read on line AA material and wish I could go to more meetings because I love the program that much.  It keeps me sober and even if the rest of my life is screwed up, at least I have one thing I can do right and that is to stay sober.  I don't post much here,but I do read a lot and have read your post.  I think you want to get sober,you just have many exscuses not to and maybe trying to find one now.  As far as another post on 13 stepping,just remember too that you 13 stepped as well,not just the other guy.  I can say this because I too have gotten into relationships in AA and trust me when I say that most women who are in need of AA are not the innocent sort,so how can we play victom in a 13 step relationship?  Good God, I can laugh at myself because the little 13 stepping is nothing compaired to some of the things that happened when I was drinking!  At any rate, I hope you do not mind me being honest, I don't want to step on your toes, it's just that I can see myself in your post and wanted to add a little insite and remind myself too on why I don't drink.  Have a good sober day!

i don'tn go to meets EACH day.....when life is at its low points,  i go more..when things are ok, i STILL  do  every day SOMETHING for my recovery....even if it is quiet working the steps  at home, by myself...

and "telling all"  is not necessary either, as long as i am totaly  honest with me , my hp,  that is ENUF......step 5 can be so misunderstood....there are things i'll take to my grave,  that only i and my hp know....but thats ok,  in the quiet of my "step work" with my steps workbooks and my journals,  i   be HONEST with me....

i try to get to a couple of meets per week....these on line ones are great, cuz  really  all aa  meets around me are during the day and i am at work....

so long as i get to share in SOME way with a trusted other or  others  (aa meet, or these boards)   i feel like i am moving forward.

i think the most important things are  TOTAL  100% honesty with myself and my hp.....willingness to change.....and  openess to new and better ways to think/act/live.......those are the most important things

i used to say to folks,  a man in  a cave all by himself,  COULD  recover if he is  1--wiling to face and be honest with himself and his maker....and 2----work the steps, and LIVE the steps in each facet of his life.....it COULD be done....hard,  but doable......

i am thriving since the loss of my sponser.....i have a  recovery partner,   i go on line to the meets, but for me?? and this is just me?????   HONEST and rigourous step work  are what get me going....OH and my journals....(gr8 for letting go feelings)......

just my take,   use what u can use..leave the rest, rosie

Hi Just wanted to reply tro some things that zoomie brought up.

Firstly, yes, I do want to get sober, but at the same time I am making excuses. It

s really odd bnecause the fact that I KNOW I am making excuses somehow does not, in my mind, invalidate the excuses, If you know what I mean!

I was telling my mum (herself a heavy drinker, although it is interesting to note that at the moment, while my alcoholic father is away in Melbourne, she doesn't seem to be drinking at all) about my plan to go to an AA meeting and she said, 'hun, don't dramatise, you're not an alcoholic. You do drink too much but I really don't think you are an alkie. Just try to pull yourself together a bit....'

Wasn't sure how to take this. My mother's own father was an alcoholic and ended up getting sober through AA (by strange co-incidence, my maternal grandfather's sponsor was my father's dad - that is my paternal grandfather! This was years before my parents ever met!) Buther dad was a different type of drinker to me. He would binge all weekend, and drink methylated spirits if he couldn't get hold of anything else. He was also violent and abusive, a really angry drunk. I think my mum thinks I don't fit alcoholic profile because, although I drink heavily, I don't have to drink myself to the point of passing out (not that I don't ever do this - I do sometimes, but only when my daughter is staying with her dad). Also she might think I'm not 'really' an alcoholic because, at least these days, I'm a mellow drunk (when I was younger I used to be a nasty drunk, got into fights, got aggressive etc. Don't know why that has changed).

But it is a bit disheartening to be told I'm a drama queen because I want to admit to alcoholism. My ex-husband has the same attitude, only worse. He thinks AA is a self-aggrandising sort of cult, and that the people in it, while no longer drinkers, retain that old alcoholic selfishness and egotism. He thinks I should simply go on 'willpower', or, failing that, get my head shrinked!

And about the 13 step thing: I may have given the impression, when I posted about that, that I totally blamed the guy (although I do remember writing that I am sure I would've relapsed anyway). The thing that weirded me out about that particular person was not so much our relationship (which could have been a one-off mistake he made) but his apparent allusion, in an AA newsletter, to other 'attractive women' he had met who had since dropped out of the program. It was at best an inappropriate thing for him to write, I think, and at worst it could havwe been a veiled sexual boast. Anyway,  I don't know why the newsletter printed it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think it is possible that men (sober or otherwise) need to be really responsible in AA and NOT 13 step newcomers who are often vulnerable and easily seduced. Sure, if it happens once, you could say, well, the guy made a mistake. But a man in AA who keeps on 13 stepping and jeopardising other's recovery is not only sexually predatory, but, in my opinion, not even really 'sober', since all that is happening is dodgy sexual encounters are substituting for the booze.

I don't mean to sound self-pitying, or judgemental, and I am far from being a man hater, btw! Most of the guys I met in AA were lovely people. There were occasional nasty ones. One man told me after a meeting that he was sure I would relapse, that I had no hope. This was in front of other people and they were all quite shocked, told him to go off and cool his heels a bit, and told me not to worry about what he said. But that guy was right! I DID relapse! (not because of what he said, though. He was simply listening to where I was at and seem,ed to have guessed - since I am always as honest as I can be in AA - that I was not ready to 'get it'.