I'm new here, and I am just looking for...I suppose...suggestions, past experiences, etc.
I'm a stay at home mom of two darling girls, ages 2 and 5. My husband is a successful businessman, and we live a nice life. My husband and I have been married for 8 years, but together for 13. When we first met, we were in college, and most of our social time was spent out with friends, drinking and partying. After college, we moved in together, and got good jobs. During the week, we didn't really go out much, except for the occasional Thursday night happy hour. But we still partied until 2 or 3 a.m. almost every weekend. I remember telling myself that once we had kids, that would all be over, so I might as well enjoy it.
We moved to a nice area, after we got married, and three years later, we had our first child. While I was pregnant, drinking was not even an option for me. I had no desire to have a drink. And I nursed my child for 6 months, and had very little to drink then. But once she was weaned, I realized that i was drinking too much. Two or three nights a week, at least 5 or more beers (beer has always been my favorite). I remember telling myself that I was young, was only doing it while she was asleep (it was always after 7:30 p.m.), and that if anything went wrong, my husband was here, too. I would never drink, if he wasn't home, or out of town.
Two years later, we had our second child. Same drill...no drinking during pregnancy, no drinking while nursing, etc. I had even convinced myself that once we had two kids, I'd never be able to drink on weeknights, because I'd be too tired or busy. Right. I think I drink more now, than I ever have. Three nights a week, at least. Probably four. And for some reason, I'm a functioning alcoholic (if that's even a term?). I go to bed around 11:00, and wake up at 8:00, and feel OK.
I've never had a drink in front of my kids, at home. I never, ever have a drink, until they are in bed. But...big deal, right? I think the reason I'm posting here is, that I DO drink too much. I've been thinking for years now that I could be an alcoholic. And lately, I'm pretty positive I am. And I do NOT want my kids to grow up with an alcoholic mom. I just don't.
How do you face an AA meeting for the first time? I live in a close-knit community. It's not really something I'd like to broadcast to everyone. Especially since I have kids. I'm so afraid of going to a meeting, because I don't want anyone to see me GOING to one. I'm sure that accepting who I am, is part of the whole deal. I just don't know how to get there.
And also, I'm afraid that my husband is an alcoholic too. Although, we are different in our drinking patterns. I'm one that just can't STOP, once I start. He can totally stop. He can have two beers, feel tired, and go to bed. I can be exhausted, but if I have two beers, I convince myself that I'm not going to bed, until I feel damned good and buzzed. But, he does want beer in the fridge constantly. And I think it's been years since I've seen him drunk. So, I don't know exactly what constitutes a problem...is it OK to drink 2 or 3 beers a day? That's what he does. I'm thinking that if I am going to stop for good, then he has got to stop too. It would be difficult to watch him enjoy a few drinks, while I sipped tea. KWIM?
Sorry for the long post. Would love any AA tips, ideas, stories, etc. I'm really ready to start this journey. I don't want to put my health in jeopardy, or have my kids grow up with a mom who drinks too much.
You're doing the right thing by addressing these issues before they get any worse.
Where I live, AA is very good because there are meetings in the town I live but also outside of it. Why not drive to a meeting in another town for added anonymity?
They say that if you think you have a problem with drink then AA is the right place to start. That way you can decide if you think you are an alcoholic or a problem drinker. Have you been on the AA website and answered the questions on there? There is a kind of questionnaire that asks about your drinking habits.
As for your husband quitting, don't hold your breath. My husband has been so unhappy with my drinking that he said he's leaving, but when I stopped, he still wouldn't.
Anyway, well done for looking at the issues now. If you're drinking four nights a week heavily then it should be sorted....and definately sorted before you start drinking more often. If you are truly a problem drinker then IT WILL get worse. Stopping before your body is too used to lots of alcohol is the best idea because once your body is too addicted you will find it infinately harder to quit.
My first meeting here..was parking the car on a side street...walking around the corner...looking both ways...to see if anyone saw me entering the church basement..and 'My God..what would they think?"
I walked into the meeting..I knew everyone there..and they knew me...they all reached out and said welcome..:)
The second thing I wanted to share was...Everyone in this community..knew I was a drunk..before..I accepted I was a drunk...
Talk about being humble..
After getting sober...there were people from the community that would say "HI" on the street..and some would add....that it was good to see me sober...and doing something about the problem..and hoping everything worked out..
So much for anonymity...
I know a few that halfta have anonymity...so they travel, out of town to meetings...
And around this area...there are meetings in every small village and town..
Whatever works...
I do know that whatever I do to keep sobriety..and some sort of manageability in life...its gotta start with me...
What others around me do...is their stuff...and I cant change their stuff..
All I can do is try to keep my side of the street clean...
Have a good day...
__________________
Life is short..Live it sober to the fullest...One day at a time...
I too did a lot of my heavy drinking when I was younger and only had a few at night for a long time. But I did go to a rehab for my drinking at 25 because I just did not know when to stop. I think problem drinking is just as bad as being a physically addicted alcoholic because a probem is a problem and saying no is not possible when you have had a few. I was in the program for many a year then I relapsed because I had a shrink tell me I had a problem drinking and that I was not an alcoholic. So the first thing I did was drink because I had permission to. To make a long story short, I had many a head trips for years because I was drinking,but I knew I should not. I was a PTA mom and did all the school things a mother should do,but deep down I felt bad because this PTA mommy drank just about every night. I did't get drunk most nights,but why I had to catch a buzz I do not know. So I went back to AA. I found that there are a lot of teachers in AA a least where I live. There are mothers who bring their babies in AA,and just women who are doing normal things who just happen to go to AA too. I was afraid too of what people would think,but then I did't care any more being I wanted to belong to a fellowship of people who just did not drink any more. Heck I us to babysit and what if I saw one of the parents in there that I use to baby sit for? I guess it's all about if you can stop on your own or not. I found it much easier to have other's who also want to be sober than to do it on my own. As far as husbands, I told mind to quit or get out. I wanted a sober house and a safe place for me and my kids. Not that it was not safe,but I'd be too tempted to drink if my husband was still drinking,so now we both are sober. Also this is what got me because i too would only drink at night. What would happen if there where an emergency and you child fell and you had to go to the hospital at night or there was a fire and your too buzzed to get everyone out of the house. If you had to go to the hospital, you would reek like alcohol even if you only had one beer and questions would be asked. What if there was a fire and how guilty you would feel if you where too buzzed to wake up? I did't think of these things until a shrink pointed them out. I'm lucky and nothing bad has really happened,but I hear stories all the time. I hope I helped a little and good luck!
I can relate so well with your story, Janna. I'm 30yrs/o...married for almost 11 yrs now...and the mom of 3 kiddos. I came into AA 4.5 months ago. I too live in a very small town and was TERRIFIED to enter a meeting here. There are 3 a week here so I picked a Wednesday night thinking it would be the 'safest'. I did much like Phil...parked a few streets over...walked around the back way...circled the building a few times...then darted in when I was certain no one was watching. I received a huge welcome once in the meeting...someone got me the Big Book...and everyone told with complete sincerity "Keep Coming Back"....so I did...to everyone one of those 3 meetings a week and haven't missed a meeting in my small town since! And now the same Meeting that I snuck into for the first time, I very proudly park in front of and walk with my head held high....because I'm no longer suffering as I was before...I am in the solution, not the problem. It's a wonderful feeling. I pray you try it out....I can assure you, you won't regret it!
I would have to agree with Toni on this. Normal people don't question their alcohol consuption. There is no reason to.
I would like to share with you something that I actually forgot about until I was reading what Zoomie wrote about having to take your child to the hospital and smelling like booze. That happened to me a few years ago. My daughter was 6 I think and she woke up in the middle of the night with horrible stomach pains. My husband and I drove her to the ER to get her checked out. We were thinking appendicitis or something. As we were sitting there waiting to be checked in my husband handed me a piece of gum and said "You reek like beer. Chew this and don't get too close to the nurses." I had been drinking that night like I did every night at that point. 4-8 beers a night was normal for me at the time. Thank God no one said anything about the smell of alcohol on me. What an embarrassing thing. My drinking has progressed nicely since then. The more I have tried to control it the more out of control I got when I drank. This is a progressive disease and it only gets worse.
I hope you are able to get to a meeting. At the very least you will be able to decide for yourself if you are truly alcoholic or not. I was scared when I first started going but right now meetings are really the only place I feel comfortable in my own skin. These people KNOW how I feel. They can relate and they don't judge. They are there to help.
Normal people don't question their alcohol consuption. There is no reason to.
Yuppers...I agree! The very reason that I was CONSTANTLY, wondering, worrying, obsessing, justifying, and planning my drinking confirmed to me that I was indeed, Alcoholic!
With regards to drinking and kids in the night...there were many, many, MANY times when I'd go to bed smashed and pray before I passed out that none of my kid's would wake up sick or with a bad dream. Even so there were times when in the morning one of the kiddos would say something like..."I tried to wake you up last night after i had a bad dream, Mama...but you wouldn't wake up."
Wow! That was like reading my story -- I could have wrote the same thing! My children are now 13, 7 & 3 -- I social drank & drank at parties & noticed that I always drank more than everyone else--I just held & hid it better! After my 2nd child was born I would drink at night to (so I said) relax--never while I was pregnant nor while breastfeeding--Than with my third I stopped drinking while I was pg & didnt drink while bf again--than I picked it up again at night--eventually it became more drinks and more nights--than afternoons on weekends right through till the night. Than came the hiding bottles & getting rid of the cans before my husband saw how many I actually had. I would buy a couple pounders that he could see but would hid a 12 pk of cans in my laundry room--I would pour the cans into the bottle so he thought I nursed two beers for hours---I would even crush the cans & wrap them in my little guys diapers--ack! Long story short I went to AA--I was immediately welcomed & loved by people I never met -- I was nervous at first but soon warmed up to the wonderful people there. I now have been sober 6 months--I too was a very functioning alcoholic--never passed out, never got sick, never missed work ------- never would have ended eventually & all those things would happen I believe if I didnt go to AA--havent had a slip nor have I had a desire--I know now I am an alcoholic because these past 6 months has been so wonderful! My life is brilliant & I have never been happier--funny thing is, I actually thought I was happy before. Funny how booze tricks the mind & the heart!!
You are on right track! Good luck & email me if you ever feel the need!
