SO, my sponsor is usually cool, he has 5 years sober, brings a meeting to a detox, has a sponsor himself, works the steps, and I am up to step 11 with him, but there is a bit of a problem-
Recently he got in a fight about some people in our group who are sponsoring the opposite sex, and somehow in the midst of this argument, he called a girl with 6 months sober some pretty awful names, and told her to go get high- He admitted this himself-
Now usually he is a kind, compassionate person, but this is insane- It's not the girl's fault either way, and the way he spoke is not acceptable- I have witnessed his anger problem at times before, but not to this extent.
That said, would you guys recommend getting a new sponsor? When switching sponsors, does one normally start all over doing the steps again, ie doing another huge 4th and 5th step? Any experience on this would be appreciated-
Nobody is perfect, even sponsors. If everything else is working and your sponsor sees that saying that was wrong, and makes an amends to the girl, I don't see why you should have to switch for that reason only.
My thoughts...as long as your relationship and program with your Sponsor is going well for you, then it shouldn't be your concern what he's said to someone else....what matters is what he's saying to you. He has his own program to work...everyone, no matter how much sobriety, no matter how many Sponsee's, no matter how much Service Work, has their own program to work. So in my opinion, his loosing his temper with someone in the program isn't merrit's for firing him as your Sponsor. If you feel you have an issue with it however, then go to him about it...use your program to make your amends with him.
Guess it's really for you to decide. Dana hit it pretty well square, I think.
Questions I guess I would ask myself....Has your sponsor ever acted in such a manner over any issues you may have disagreed on (or has he indicated that he might be inclined to behave that way towards you)? Do you now find that you feel uncomfortable around this person whether in a group, or (more particularly) alone? If you feel on edge around him after this incident, or hesitant to speak openly with him for fear of his reaction, it could hamper your ability to progress. On the other hand, as the others have said, if he admitted he was wrong, and made amends to the young lady, AND, if you still are comfortable in your friendship with him, it's no big deal. He is still working his program, just like the rest of us.
(No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.......)
If you do decide that you would feel more comfortable with another sponsor, you would do best to ask that person where you should pick up on the steps.
Peace in Recovery,
Dan
-- Edited by Sick of being sick at 20:20, 2006-05-30
YOU_________I have witnessed his anger problem at times before, but not to this extent
me__________how does this whole thing (telling the girl to get high, AWFUL in my books) make u feel??? and the anger prob????? how do U feel about it?????? for me??? if i am progressing, and he/she is NOT throwing a monkey wrench in MY recovery, than i would wait and see.......anger problems are not a good thing to be around....one never knows when it will be directed at U!!! so its something to be concerned with, but i wouldn't jump the gun right away........i think i would detach and "let go let HP" the fact that u wrote it about me tells me u r not comfortable with it.......maybe u could tell sponser how the actions made U feel and what U need/want from sponser????? just some thoughts.....rosie
