I needed to quit because it was damaging my health. I needed to quit because I behaved irresponsibly when I drank, causing myself embarrassment at best and financial and legal problems at worst.
But, I didn't want to quit more than I wanted to drink because it was nice to be insulated in booze induced numbness. I wanted to drink more than I wanted to quit, even though I knew beyond any doubt that I needed to quit.
Love and Peace in Recovery,
Dakota Dan, (just another alky in recovery weighing in, and, one drink away from a drunk)
PS. Is this helping any with your understanding the difference, Rob?
And "Ditto" Rob, I read in your post yesterday (Rob) that you thought somehow that this program was for people that wanted it, but DIDNOT need it, I think you misunderstood the statement of , "This Program is designed for people that want it, not for people that need it."
All Alkes NEED to stop, but it takes that DESIRE to STOP, before.. a n y t h i n g... can change. (for many it means being deep inside that proverbial "foxhole") to want it.
Happy Holiday to Both of You. (Happy Bankers day, right, Rob)
I wanted to stop a long time ago. To be completely honest, I didn't know how to. I'm sure I had heard of AA but I didn't know that there I could find help. I was lost and so buried in my addictions that I didn't know what to do. Thank God I got locked up and learned about recovery with a clean mind. Sometimes bad things that happen to us alky's actually turn out to be good things. Gotta have pain to realize there is a problem.
I am really interested in this theme since I feel like I WANT to quit, because if I don't it will only get worse, but in terms of health at least, I suppose I don't NEED to as yet. If I keep going the way I am I will no doubt 'need' to stop for health reasons and posssibly social/employment reasons. But then again, that is no guarantee that I will stop, simply in order to save my own job/dignity/life. I had a relative, someone who was actually rather similar to me (she had same job, was a 'literary' sort of person, was also an unmarried mother in the days before it was acceptable to be a single mother). This poor lady, God rest her, died with her head down a toilet bowl. She had totol liver failure and also anorexia as a result of her alcoholism (not 'anorexia' in the sense of wanting to be slim: it was simply that she had no desire to ingest anything apart from alcohol). Her teenaged daughter found the body. Everyone, doctors etc, would say to her 'why can't you stop? You MUST STOP! You are dying!' Had no effect upon her.
So there's 'need to stop' in a double sense I suppose. Like Toni says, all alcoholics need to stop. But nothing on this earth, it seems, including threat of death, harm to children, etc, can make alcoholic stop unless they actually, really want to.
BTW. m daughter (3) has just presented me with a picture that she calls 'Mummy when she looked young'! Should I be insulted?
My kids have given me some pretty funny pictures and asked me some pretty funny questions too. Not for mixed company, but a good giggle.
As for needing/wanting to stop, I posted before about the elevator going down - see AAARRRRGG, I am not getting this. That seems relevant to this post too.
I was looking at an old wedding photo today, and my wife commented "My God, look how young my mother looks in that picture, and she was 16 years younger than I am now! And, to think that, back then, I thought she looked old!"
It reminds me of an old half hour television comedy back in the eighties. The tv "mother" was asked by her 6 year old "daughter" what it was like when she "went to school, back in 'olden' times". Her response was, "Oh, you mean back when I rode my dinosaur to school?"
I came into this program on my own accord, but only after I was on the very edge of loosing everything. I was convinced I had a drinking problem but not that I was an Alcoholic. I found extreme comfort in the 3rd Tradition:
The only requirement for AA Membership is the desire to stop drinking
Between that tradition and the warm, sincere words of "Keep coming back" worked for me...I kept coming back.
So back to needing vrs wanting to quit....The 3rd Tradition says it all...this program is for those that WANT to quit.
