Last year I learned the concept of detachment. For me it means knowing when the A is talking and being able to decipher whether it is the A talking or the person themselves. An example is if your mom is the A when your mom says something being able to decipher whether it is the A in her talking or the mother in her talking. Detaching has almost became second-nature to me....key word: almost. Now I know just because I learned one thing it does not mean the other concepts should come to me just as easily but I feel they should and am frustrated because they do not come as easily. An adult friend of mine when she visited last year one of the last things she said was "don't let them get to you". Them is my parents who are both As. What I wish to come easily to me is like my friend said them, my mom more than my dad I think, not getting to me or should I say their alcoholism get to me.
*Reminder: At that time I had just finished high school and my summer before college was starting. A couple of weeks ago I finished my first year of college and I'm 19.*
Even while I was in college if they called up drunk I would get all annoyed and complaining about them/their alcoholism aka b****y while I was talking to them and then I felt that way probably for the next half-hour after I got off the phone. Now that I'm home as it was before I went to college I get annoyed with my dad when he is drunk and all I think and want to say/yell when he is drunk is "leave me alone!!!". With my mom I always know she is drunk when she repeats things over and over or asks or tells me something she had just asked or told me 5 minutes ago or 30 minutes ago, when she is like this I just wanna say/yell "Mom, we just talked about this X minutes ago but you're too drunk to remember!!". These are just a couple of examples of how they get to me.
If anyone can relate or have a similar problem I would love to hear how you do not allow the A to get to you. Thanks.
All I know is TRYING to "Detach with Love". TRY to see them as sick people and TRY to treat them as if they were sick friends. You probably wouldn't treat a sick friend with anger or frustration. I know it's gonna be a hard thing to do, but TRY! Write again. Peace
- "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink the water!" - Old saying which is true because I've tried it with a real horse!
I feel confident that those question would be there for you in Alanon. Have heard a few of their comments on "detachment" , "Can't Fix it, Can't Cure it" They would be able to offer invaluable Tools, for living with Alcoholics.
Heard a man, many years ago, say, that his Wife attended only One Alanon Meeting, and he never had another drink. Made the room of Alcoholics Anonymous that I was sitting in really roar with laughter.
Alanon has a VERY POWER MESSAGE for the person that lives with Alcholics, whether it be their Spouse, their Child, or their Parents.
Hope you have checked that Site out Dear, it might help you so much with the detachment you are trying to achieve.
