i left this board cuz i didn't feel welcome either
i posted my esh, TRIED to mind my own business and i dont THINK i stepped on anyones toes....but i would post in the hopes of getting esh and many times got ignored...
i was told privately by someone that the board was "dissing" my posts cuz they were against me for something
i didn't need the bs , and so i quit posting.....its easier to leave than to fool around with a bunch of politics...
i want to RECOVER not FIGHT or be a politition.........its too bad, becuz i really want to recover.........just my take, i don't know if i will feel safe posting here, maybe i will lurk and see.......rosie
I too have posted here and been in large part ignored- but I just kinda took it for granted that either my posts were too flamboyant, controversial or my opinions too strong and it made people a little shy- or my posts were just too boring and everyone fell asleep!
I quit waiting for responses a long time ago. A little disappointing occassionally when you think that you made a statement that encompasses volumes and should make a big splash- but whatever- it's only the internet.
I have read all of your posts, and your replies to other posts. I think you are an incredible person just to have survived the things you have been through. My petty issues are pale in comparison to what happend to you as a child. I have even felt a little guilty for the years that I blamed my drinking on trivial problems, when I had 2 caring parents who raised my siblings and me in a caring environment. I am also a pretty empathetic person, and have felt at a loss for the right words, to express how much I feel the pain that you have been through, and have been afraid to say something that might come out sounding trite or insensitive.
I have had a tendency to not always post, or to reply to a lot of posts, because I sometimes tend to get really wordy. I have also noted that I don't always get a lot of replys to my stuff when I do. Funny thing is, I have gotten what I needed, if I really pay attention to the responses I have gotten. We alcoholics generally tend to be very imaginative, creative folks, and also tend to be pretty sensitive. I have seen others who have written that they felt slighted or ignored. I have tended to slip into that myself, and have had to remind myself to not let my feelings create a whole story about what is going on in other peoples heads.
Whoever may have emailed you that people here were "dissing" you, is someone who is obviously not working their own steps program too well.
Peace and love to you, Rosie. And to you, TLH, as well. I will always welcome your posts, even if I don't always know what to post in reply.
PS. Phil old buddy, is it still snowing in Ontario? (And I thought we had bad weather in North Dakota!)
Wondered where the heck you were, just sitting around and at work with that old thinking, like a friggen ghost, it comes back to all of us, at moments. Don't belong not sure if anyone cares or likes me, bla bla bla, and when I get struck with that old negative thinking, I just acknowledge it for what it is, old negative thinking. And make a point of riding myself of that old thinking stuff with a **meeting where I can even share that old stuff coming back, and what a response I have had when I do that, the whole room will say, that they too feel that way, thank God, only once in a while.
** Did that when I had gone to a meeting for three weeks, in my new area of San Diego, and when I talked about how i was not "feeling a part of" this meeting" The only thing i can say Rosie, is that feeling has never, ever come back, it did me good to say that, because I now feel 200% a part of, have now a very good friend, and know the others when I see them, and care about them. It all CAME TOGETHER WHEN I TALKED ABOUT HOW IT FELT.
The Disease is a Disease of Isolation, one of the symtoms of Alcholic thinking. use the steps and the tools, talking to a new person, can really turn that BS in my head, out of me, and Thank You God.
Glad you Posted that, and welcome back here, you have been Missed, Silly Lady.
Just my 2 cents worth Rosie, and I ditto Phil, 100% GET YOUR BUT BACK IN HERE.
And please tell us how it is going with your Job, and your Life.
Rosie, Did you forget?........This is a WE Program................you.........me..........all the others..............all together..........we would not survive.....any other way.....i need you.............and the others...............and i hope you need me.......with the others. Simple Simple Stuff, we have all collective become one in the Organization that has saved our lives..........thats more of my 2 cents, ok. make 3 cents now.
Hugs again!
Lots of Love, and a big Hug, Toni , your sissy, remember
Sick of being sick wrote: Hey TLH! When summer comes to North Dakota, we celebrate by not wearing socks with our sandals on that day.
I spent a substantial hal decade+ in Wyoming at 8000 feet- I remember celebrating being able to sit outside in a Tshirt and watch a tiny patch of lawn appear from beneath the slowly thawing snow. At that point I figured out that sometimes it's the little things.
Of course I grew up at sea level (in San Diego, actually) and was never cut out for that ice and snow stuff. A novel diversion for a time but I'm better suited to sun and sand. :)
TLH--I'm also a displaced californian. Grew up in OC, when it was still dairies and groves and strawberry fields (forever). Does that date me or what? anyway, even moving to Northern Cal. for my mid teens on up, still long hot summers. My first summer here in Washington? I stood on the deck on the 4th of July crying (really) because it was still grey, and I just didn't understand why I lived somewhere where socks were even necessary!
I've adjusted this 18 years later, but thank heavens for roads, cuz in twelve hours I can be back in Cali., going barefoot and wondering how the h*** I stood the heat, LOL. Wren
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
Yes!!! Actually walking home from grade school and being able to just stop and pluck down an orange or a grapefruit, all hot from the sun, juice dripping down...okay, now I have to go buy some oranges, tape them to a maple, wait for the sun, and pretend....
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
Wren wrote: Yes!!! Actually walking home from grade school and being able to just stop and pluck down an orange or a grapefruit, all hot from the sun, juice dripping down...okay, now I have to go buy some oranges, tape them to a maple, wait for the sun, and pretend....
Better than in Orange county, where you'd have to tape them to a telephone pole!
Rosie, I was just re-reading your original post. Just last night I was commenting on how I have finally reached a space where when I come on this board, I feel like I'm pulling a chair up and truly sharing with people. I'm not looking over my shoulder at all, and how safe I feel, exposing my thoughts and feelings. I am so sorry that you felt that taken away from you. You ARE a big part of this board; I've read every post of yours since I've been here. I know that sometimes I post just because I need to share, get it out there, hoping someone can use it. If nobody responds, I guess I really don't think of that, I see that people are reading it, and so I feel like maybe someone took something away with them. I hope, anyway. Don't let anything or anyone come between you and what you need to do for yourself, ok? You truly are valued here. hugs, Wren
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
Hi Rosie. Hope you decide to stay. I am aware that I don't reply to your posts often if ever. This isn't because I don't like you or want you to leave, it is because your life experiences have been far more intense and frightening than mine, I don't feel able to help in any way...... Idon't wan't tosay the wrong thing so I say nothing.
Please keep coming back.
Best wishes
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
kspear i read MOST of what u said, and i'll say "thank u for ur share"
i am taking care of me, w/ NO expectations on ANYone outside of myself.........
i was told by someone pvt, that i was being "dissed" becuz i was not part of a "clique" and when i saw NO replies to my posts, i figured it was true.....bad timing??? perhaps, but it "looked" like it was true...........sooooo
instead of bitching and moaning about it...i just quietly LEFT......get my recovery and my needs met ELSEwhere...i am just an alkie trying to recover and i was feeling quite alone......lots of crap happening in my life , including my sponser cruelly dumping me during my LOW time, doing step 4, potential job loss, etc....i mean the crap was hitting the fan....so i didn't hve her....and no esh from this board....i just said "to hell with it, i'll get my needs met wherever i can....i needed support and than the pvt message telling me i was being "boy cotted" cuz of my not being into a "clique"??? i didn't need it and so i walked away
.....i never at any time tried to impose myself on anyone and i do NOT work anyone elses inventory, only my own.......and i am not on any pity party cuz i am busy working step 4 now, and the pity crap i dont need.......
i saw another post that was "relative" to what i said and i added my own "take" on what was going on in my head, re: this board.....that is all......i am not tryin to make anyone love me/ like me/ do anything, i only can control me...i don't ever try and control anyone else...
i hope i made my position clear....when i needed the board the most??? was when this unfortunate incident came up with my SO called being "dissed" maybe i should have come out and ASKED the board "HEY am i being dissed for soemthing???" but i had NO energy for any EXTRA stress with all the shit going on in my life, so i just looked at the facts (at the time my posts were not answered) and i said "well, maybe its true and i need friends right now...so lets get my needs met ELSEwhere" and that is what i did........
i hope this made sense........i was only telling the board why i left it as i had seen another post that was kinda related to what i was feeling...........
i am leaving it to my hp as to what i need to do to maximize my recovery...........PEACE to ALL, rosie
When we look at the whole program--we say what we need to say, whether anyone comments on it or not. The importance is getting it "out there" to share with others. Like I had mentioned, I don't really care if anyone comments or not, it's just nice when they do? But the important thing is that, say, if 3 or 4 people read it, and just one line in one paragraph hits home with one person? That's what matters to me. Each time someone posts, that is an action of Giving to the board here. Not just giving one on one, but giving to however many people come on here for the ESH. I believe I'd rather have that one person's heart touched, and their perspectives helped in some way. Wren
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
hey chris...what i wouldn't GIVE to not need so much ESH.......maybe after MORE work, MORE recovery, i can do tht too......U R awsome!!! LOVE ur shares.........rosie
I wasn't sure whether or not to respond to this post. I went through exactly what you were talking about. I kind of made a cry out for help and said I need support and people responded. I care about you as a person and I think if you find this site beneficial to your recovery, you should definitely stick around. I can sit in here and talk about things I'm going through but what I really desire is to get to know everyone in here on a more personal level. That to me is the fellowhip working. I can't just go to meetings and share and come home feeling good all the time. I need to talk to other alcoholics about "normal" things. Life on life's terms. I hope you stick around and I will try to throw in my two cents whether it applies or not! I hope you have found a new sponsor. It's too bad she quit on you. Maybe it was a good thing and you will find someone who can better help you through the steps. Oh well, I've said more than I intended to. I hope you have a good week.
I'm glad your back. I also haven't replied to your posts for the same reasons Cabbagehead said. You have been through much worse things than I can even imagine and I'm just not sure what to say. I hope you keep posting because I know for me sometimes it is just getting it out that really helps! Please know you're in my prayers.
