Hi everyone...Hope today finds you happy and sober!
I have a question for you all. When I met with my sponsor yesterday we did another 5th step of things I left out of my first one. We talked for a long time and I felt pretty good about it all. Then she says that next week we are moving forward in the book to Working with others and she wants me to start sponsoring women as soon as possible.
I am afraid. I relapsed just 3 weeks ago. I feel I am stronger having done it and have learned from it but I guess I just don't feel like I am "qualified" to sponsor someone. She says since I have worked all of the steps that it is time for me to give what I have gotten out of this program. The time I have of continued sobriety doesn't really matter. What do you all think?
I try to be of service in all kinds of ways at meetings and what not but the thought of sponsoring someone scares the hell out of me.....I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions. Thanks!
My view is that being a sponsor is a Really big thing. I know that I am not ready for it. By taking responsibility for someones life you automatically take responsibility for their death if everything works out wrong (emotionally not legally!).
Big decision, really depends on how you feel and if you get on well with the potential candidate.
I also believe that being a sponsor makes a person more comitted to their own sobriety, so it may help to make sure that you don't have another relapse.
Just my thoughts, hope it helps.
Best wishes
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
just don't feel like I am "qualified" to sponsor someone. i think there are many other way to be of service, going to distict meetings, they are always looking for help in all aspects, yes i agree that service is important, but sponcership will come when you are ready. just my feeings, good luck wagon
Well, iffer, did u go back to step 1 after u relapsed?? And whats up woth this step 5 the second time what about step 10??? Step 10 is maitence step so that we dont have to go back to step 5 but these steps are not to work once and then graduate, there a spritual program to live by and a new way to think. If u truely feel in your heart that u are not ready to sponsor someone then stick to your guns and dont do it. if you read the pamphlet on sponsorship it does state someone with at least year sober and has worked all 12 steps. Just keep commin back!
In the Big Book it says something like "nothing so much insures us against that first drink as working with fellow alcoholics." Sponsorship is definitely part of that.
I know if that I were in your shoes after a recent relapse I would'nt even consider sponsoring someone. We can be of service to others in early recovery in so many ways. Being part of the fellowship of AA is a great thing. Going early to meetings, staying late, getting to know other drunks, that is what I am doing and it helps me immensely.
I don't know if this helps or not so feel free to use it or lose it. LOL!
I agree with Justin. Working with others, yeah. Do alot of H and I work, find out where you're local recovery programs are, or detoxes, and volunteer to hold meetings there. I did that for a few years, a bunch of us would drive down to Corning and have meetings in a residential program. Helped me alot. And I know when I worked in a recovery program up here, the residents looked forward to that so much. They needed to hear the experiences of people who were "out there" doing it right.
I don't want to negate what your sponsor wants you to do---she knows you personally. But I would look in my heart of hearts before making that decision. It really is a big responsibility, like Chris said. You are the only who knows if you're up to that. I can see both the plus and the minus in sponsoring at this point. If you aren't comfy with it yet, tell her that you need more time. Someone suggested the Sponsorship Handbook? See what it says. For myself, when I was still so raw from relapse, I did need the energy to rebuild my spirituality and personal stuff for quite awhile. I didn't have it together enough to sponsor, but yknow, we're all different. It could be just the thing for you. Well, I just wrote two paragraphs and didn't help at all, did I? Gads. I guess at this point? Pray and talk to others around you about it. Get lots of feedback. You may have more to give than you give yourself credit for. Blessings, Wren
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i found god in myself/and I loved her/i loved her fiercely--Ntozake Shange
Thank you all for your replies. I really think that my sponsor believes it will help me to stay sober if I work with another alcoholic. I really don't feel ready to do that at this time though. I will talk with her and let her know that. There are many other opportunities for me to do service work around here so I'll look into that also. Sometimes when she tells me what I should do I feel as though I HAVE to do it. Not that she says it like that but that is the way my mind works. She is truly only giving me suggestions and telling me what worked for her.
Thanks for helping me think this through. You guys are great!
I thought we chose our sponsors? Well, to the extent that we found the one we wanted and then kindly asked them to sponsor us. That's how it worked in my case anyway. Well sort of I asked around first to make sure she was open to the idea. I didn't want her to flat out say NO and hurt my feelings. BTW she has 21 yrs sobriety and she can be one tuff cookie when needed.Otherwise she is just a sweetheart and I truly love her. Now that I am moving, she told me to go to my new group for a while and keep my eyes and ears open for just the right one to ask. Until then she will continue to sponsor me through Email and phone. There has been very little talk of me being a sponsor. I guess that's because we both know, that is a ways down the road. To be honest Jen, I don't think I would still be sober if I didn't have a sponsor with her sobriety and wisdom.
good luck wagon
Just keep commin back!
I asked around first to make sure she was open to the idea. I didn't want her to flat out say NO and hurt my feelings.
BTW she has 21 yrs sobriety and she can be one tuff cookie when needed.Otherwise she is just a sweetheart and I truly love her. Now that I am moving, she told me to go to my new group for a while and keep my eyes and ears open for just the right one to ask. Until then she will continue to sponsor me through Email and phone. There has been very little talk of me being a sponsor. I guess that's because we both know, that is a ways down the road. To be honest Jen, I don't think I would still be sober if I didn't have a sponsor with her sobriety and wisdom.