I am new to this program. Hello, all. I am struggling quite a bit with sobriety and could use some encouragement. I have tried AA meetings and honestly, I hate them. I find them to be very depressing and I have never met anyone that I connected with so I am giving this forum a try. Thanks for "listening".
welcome to the board.... I'm sorry you've been hating AA... actually this is an AA board. Struggling with your sobriety? We all are to some extent. What has helped me is God through AA.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Well I have heard at meetings, that I was not the only one that didnot care for the meetings, in the begining, I was an Isolationist, what was I doing with a group of people that were really 'together, with each other, and seemed to be having somewhat of a good time', Just could not relate, but I sat there, overlooking my feelings about how I felt, I was sitting there, holding on for dear life, claiming my chair, just for the next 24 hours, so I would not go back to drinking, Meetings were like ICU, not AA to me, so I was there in this ICU Meeting and my discomfort about the People, I decided to just ignore those feelings. I was in so much pain, from the detox, giving up a life as a drunk, and holding to the belief, that my going back everyday, to these ICU Meetings, thats what I called them Privately, my attendance was sitting in silence, not understanding anything, only that I did not want to Drink Again, and a commitment to returning the next day, for I was not going home, and getting drunk, that was my goal, and my participation, of sitting there silence, was working, everyday, so I just kept going back, for the same reason. looked pretty sick, and I was. Had relaped in AA for ten years because of those feelings of being 'Different' and I was not going to let myself be fooled by my own thinking this time.
That was many years ago, and when I had strung 365 days together, and celebrated my first AA Birthday, I did seem to comprehend that those meetings are what saved my life, and felt that there was a Power greater than myself, getting me to those meetings in the First Year. I had a Little 24 hour Book, that I read every Morning, still go back to that Book, use the AA book a lot too, and have completed 12 Steps of Recovery, many many times in these years. An on going process.
And I do not know when this took place, somewhere in that first year, I did begin sharing at the meetings, and somehow that sharing began making me feel like I was a part of the group - but it was a slow process, trading in a life of Isolation and Dispair to a Life that held the Gift of Hope in my life.
Time changes EVERYTHING, and today i look forward to those meetings I did not care for in the beginning, I now love those meetings, and have friends in this Program. Trust does come, and this Program Saved my life, so how could I not care and appreciate these meetings. We are detoxing in the first year, physical Detox, and there is so much toxic pain attached to a life of destructive drinking.
So, I hope you will continue to go to those meetings, this Board can and will support all your efforts, whichever way you choose to begin staying Sober, 24 hours a Day.
Bob, one of the members here, has his own Signature of, 'You Must Surrender to win'. I do believe that with all my heart.
A big Hug to you, and it is just the first Step, "We were Powerless over Alcohol - - That our Lives had become Unmanageable" was the 1st Step in this Program, That I do believe I Surrendered to everyday of that first year, by my going back, and sitting in silence.
Hope you stay around here Alice, and WELCOME to this Board. Toni
I would like to know why you really hate AA meetings. I've been to meetings all over and very rarely are they depressing. How many meetings have you been to?
Thank you so much Toni. What you say makes sense. I will try the meetings again. I guess I am just afraid of failing again but I know that is part of the problem. I read a posting from someone else that addresses this. I really want to get to that place where you are happy not drinking and you enjoy life. I don't remember the last time I felt like that. I think this message board will be a good tool for me to learn to talk about myself and my fears and feelings which is something I rarely do and I think is the reason AA meetings are difficult for me.
Because when I leave I don't feel good or have a renewed sense of hope and I think that I should feel that way. Listening to other's stories just makes me feel more depressed. I do appreciate their sharing. That is something I have a lot of trouble with and I tend to avoid being in a situation where I feel like I am not succeeding. I have been to many meetings over the last few years of trying to get sober.
Welcome Alice!!! I am glad you are here!! I rember when I first started commin around to meetings well, I hated it also, I couldnt understand why everyone was so happy while I was so miserable. I wanted my life to change and deep down inside I wanted everything that "these people" seemed to have. Little did I know I was judging my insides to everyone's outsides (kinda insane toni lol huh) Meetings are a very small part of the fellowhip this is worldwide, I know that I have friends all over the place that I have yet to meet. So I kept on going to meetings and I sat for a year and didnt say anything unless I had a question. This guy named Bud referred to me as the tree-- meaning i was "planting roots." Once I started understanding that this program is shared not taught, I was able to open up and reach out for help, and I started to get better. Please Alice dont give up before the miracle happends. Keep Commin Back it works if ya work it!!!! (((big hug))))))
I have struggled alot to going to meetings, but it does get better. I think it's vital to take what's good, what you can use, from the meetings and leave the rest. It's also hard to get help if you don't let anyone know that you need help. I think if you were to start sharing at meetings, no matter how hard it is for you, you would start to see some of the benefits from the program. There are alot of understanding, compassionate people in AA and they just want to help the newcomer. Do yourself a favor and give it a chance.
Thank you Carmie. I am going to try some more meetings. I think I am also very impatient and want to just wake up tomorrow a feel great, etc. Thanks for your advise.
Yes, you are right. I have to put the effort into it to get anything out of it. I have just allowed myself to become so isolated. But it is time to reach out which I have started the process today by talking to you folks.
Yes, you are right. I've found this MIP forum to be invaluable to my recovery. When I need to get my head on straight I can come here and find out what recovery is all about. I hope you find what you need here. One day at a time............
Hi Alice. Glad you are here. I know how you feel about AA I used to feel a bit like that, but now I have some really close friends in AA. I have been struggling and drank again last Wednesday so back to day 5 today. Hope you stick around and we can keep each other posted on how we are doing. Love Trudi.
Welcome Alice- Keep up the good work at sobriety, it gets easier-
I still hate some meetings, and I don't go to those ones, but the ones I go to I like a lot- I try to stick where people focus on the solution, not just wallow in the problem-
Hi there alice. Nice to meet you. I hated meetings too. but I had sod all left to loose. I guess maybe you know what I mean, I say this to everyone. consider giving A.A 3 months. get a meetings card. or betterstill go to the a.a website and look for local meetings that say newcomers meetings. I went to an old timers meeting first and it scared the sht out of me! all these (so I thought) god squad. when I went to a newcomers meeting, I saw people like me, who were fresh in to give me some support. this site is great too. but please do try and get to another different meeting, Keep coming back, until you want to. I wish you all the best. I got addiction counselling as well. and turned up every day at the samaritans. ANYTHING just to not drink. Speak soon
Forget tomorrow, forget yesterday. dont pick up a drink today. tomorrow will happen tomorrow.
Blockbusters shares trippled when I got sober, I got DVD's out just to lose myself in something non harmful. 3 DVD's pack of cookies and a sugery drink of lemon ade I was content and didnt want a drink just for the day.
You cant get 6 years sober in one day. Relax and take it easy. use the phone with A.A's number which is in the first or second page of the yellow pages (if in uk) perhaps see what other services are in your area. we have several here in Nottingham, I got greedy and took all the help I could get,. you have to, for you. I am sure you are worth getting sober for.
when I came into the rooms I hated men because of childhood stuff. After I admitted it to the group, they were very gentle with me!
tell us a bit about you, what you like to do and what hobbies you have. excersize and hobbies are great time killers. at the moment, you need to kill some time and A.A will certainly do that. hate it or not 90 meets in 90 days will certainly F+!? up your drinking., after 3 months you will be as sad as me and actually enjoy it!! !! just believe me on that,
Welcome Alice! I too was very uncomfortable at meetings. I didn't like them at first but when I found the "right" ones for me I was more comfortable. When I see the same familiar faces time after time it is a comfort to me. It tells me that long term sobriety is possible. Glad to see you found this site. It has been a help to me and there are alot of wonderful people here with experience, strength and hope to share. Talk to you soon!
