Catchy title huh? My hubby seems to think that everyone that abuses alcohol, even binge/party drinkers, is running from something in their lives. Do you think it's true? We all have had pain in our lives, but do you think that's why you actively drink? Or is it habit? Is it just the pull from the alcohol, the addiction and inability to say 'no'? Or are you hiding from that 'pain'? I think for me it started out as needing to be accepted and loosening up so I could meet people easier, but then as hubby and I started having problems, I did it to rebel and to not deal with him and our issues (when our main issue was that I was going to the bar alot and staying out very late!)....just looking for opinions..not trying to form one!
I started to drink in order to get high at 17 years old. I was in a foster home because of the violence in my family, and the kids that were around me drank too much, and so I tried it and it was fun. It felt good. So at first there were not the reasons of escape. I liked what it did. but then later on, those secondary effects of blotting out my feelings were similar to the effects of the seconals and libriums my mother gave me starting at 11 years old when I cried or got upset,,, and so then there were both reasons. I didn't realize at the time that the fact that my son's father was an alcoholic fit into my 'script' so well, but alcohol was part of our lives, until our child was born. I wanted to be a good mother, and so wanted to change our lifestyle to one that was more responsible. That necessitated a break up. I tried to control my drinking, but it was still not 'normal' social drinking then. My son showed early signs of alcoholism. Even very young he would get into the refrigerator and grab a beer and enjoy it tooo much. I couldn't keep it in the house then.
So maybe there are a variety of reasons for being an alcoholic.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
When I started out drinking it was also to loosen up around people and make friends easier. I have always been pretty shy, but alcohol took care of that! Then I drank because it was a "habit", at least that's what I felt like at the time. By the time I got into AA I was drinking because I couldn't go without drinking. Through working the steps I have found some "reasons" why I drank....though none of them were good enough to justify drinking when I knew what would happen when I did. It is insanity. So I guess I don't feel like there was some underlying reason when I started to drink but all those years of drinking taught me how to not deal with life and now I am trying to learn how to deal with life sober. Just my experience.....Good topic!
Wow..great responses. I'm glad people didn't take offense, well, I hope not anyway! I also have the hereditary issue. Also, I had moved to a new city where I didnt really know anyone. I started selling for Passion Parties and did alot of bar parties. Jello shots were a must to get everyone warmed up. I made alot of friends that way, or at the very least got to know alot of people in town. That also made it easier for me to start hanging at that one bar all the time. It's hard to admit, but I was absolutely disrespectful to my husband and my marriage and I can't believe that I was capable of causing someone that much pain. It hurts me to think back on it. And the GUILT. OMG..I wish I could just erase that entire segment of my life.
I began drinking when I was 14. I think a lot of it was because of what I'd seen- adults drinking equated to "party" for me which I pictured as something fun and adult and a little bit verboten. The first time I drank I was about 12 and my mom's boyfriend gave me some beer- assumably to teach me a lesson. I drank and threw up and was sick but I don't think I learned the lesson he intended because despite how sick it made me (alcohol has a really extreme reaction with me and the hangovers are absolutely horrible) I still wanted to drink. I wouldn't say I liked to drink- I hate alcohol as it makes me sick and now equates to me being someone I dont want to be- a conglomeration of drunk and loser and less than I could be and a lot of other things. But even though my heart is dead set against alcohol my brain still likes that intial stimuli of the first few beers and my brain is very stubborn. Pain in the ass, that.
I do believe that I personally am dealing with alcoholism because I used alcohol to mask something that plagues me. I was left to make my own decisions in most things from a very young age- and not saying that it was all a bad thing as I'm extremely resilient and resourceful and tenacious possibly because of that- but I think my parents being more involved with me might have been a help. Also I left home at fifteen and lived on the streets for a while, played in punk bands in the early eighties and saw some pretty radical stuff in my travels. Possibly I'm self medicating to mask some abandonement issues- I dont know. I see a psychologist to try and work that out.
On this subject I cant reccomend enough Claude Anshin Thomas' book "At Hells Gate". Claude Anshin Thomas fought in vietnam and suffered severe post traumatic stress disorder and had some serious drug and alcohol issues. He worked through it with the help of some buddhist monks and went on to become ordained himself. All of the biography aside he lends some interesting insight to the idea of chemical dependancy to mask past trauma. He believes that it doesn't take a war like vietnam and it could be something way less traumatic. He also believes that discovering these traumas and exploring them and accepting them is therapeutic.
