I am almost 30 and i should have my own place.. But i have a room in my parents house.. And my mum wanted to clean my room.. Like an invasion of my space.. And also the fact i hate how crappy my room is but my disposition seems to dicate how it is.
But when it comes down to it my mum n dad are just great and i really dont deserve them..
hi, Rob, I drink because there are feelings that I don't want to feel, and things that I just want to blot out. When I drink I kind of don't notice these things, cuz I'm blotto, but they are still there, and piling up. If I don't drink, and I get clear, then I can see and feel all these unpleasant things. More than unpleasant,, some are really terrible. That's when I really need the 12 Step program the most. To learn how to cope with these things better than I have been, and the 12 Step program has taught me a lot... the Steps themselves, and the slogans, and the principles,, and hearing other people's experience, strength and hope at the meetings. I know I'm not perfect, and still have a long way to go,, cuz recovery is a lifetime process. But progress is being made.
Progress, Step by Step, and Day by Day, with patience.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I really didnt have to drink tonight.. Thats the annoying part.. I could have not drank.. I really could have.. But i did drink.. The urge wasnt like last friday.. But i surcame to it none the less.
Well least some of my room looks better. lol (gota laugh, dont wana cry again).
I just hope i didnt throw anything important away.. Gees i did at one point and had to fish letter back out of bin.. lucky it wasnt a messy bin.
I'm going to tell you how it is. Willpower avails us nothing. You have been staying clean from alcohol, or dry. It's just a matter of time, if you are a true alcoholic, before you drink again. How long do you want to go on like this? In order to get sober, not dry, you must become willing and open minded to do whatever it takes to get sober. I'm sure everyone in here has been wondering how long you could not drink without meetings, a sponsor, and the 12 steps. When you start feeling hopeless and helpless only then can you be ready. Are you hopeless and helpless? Do you think the drink has got the best of you?
I feel for you Rob. Everyone on this board has been where you are at. You are not alone on this one. I hope you reach out soon and allow some people at meetings, other alcoholics, to help you. Until then you are most likely destined to a horrible, miserable life. That's the ugly truth of this disease, and it is a disease. I hope you start making some better choices. You know how happy I would be if you started finding out what sobriety has to offer. I would be ecstatic, along with everyone else on this board. We all care about you. Think about it, ok?
Sounds familiar. A whole pile of emotions building up inside with no alcohol to numb them and no other way to deal with them I to would lash out. At my daughter, my husband, my dogs, the dirt in the garden.....One day I was so uptight I spent hours power washing our fence.......just getting out frustrations on the old crappy wood. At least it wasn't my family that time....
I'm sorry you felt the need to drink tonight. I have to agree with Justin, being dry is no way to live any more than being drunk is. There has to be some balance and peace in my life in order for me to stay sober. I have found the way to do that in AA. It's in the big book but for me it was easier to understand all that with my sponsor walking me through it.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you and that you find in yourself the willingness neccesary to make a beginning in this program. It is worth it and so are you......no matter how much you think you aren't.....
When I read Justin's words to you, they hit the nail on the head. You don't seem to want the Program, as of yet, and dry is what you are without the Program. We have been talking about the Program at Nausium. But it will be there for you someday, if you want it, maybe you will have to want it BAD enough. Going to that meeting and leaving because of a Cluttered room, did not compute in my head. Having a real bad day is part of Detox. very predictable, and part of Life, Life is Difficult, the opening line to a great book, The Road less Traveled.
Hi Rob. You are not the first person to have that particular arguement with your parents. Exactly the same thing happened with me in 2001. It took about a week for everything to calm down again!
Now I realise that the problem was drink related (for me anyway) and I was just a very private and angry person.
Working the steps gives us the 'tools' to be able to handle situations like that in a calm way, without becoming agressive or abusive. Working the steps also gives us the tools to handle a situation like that without resorting to a bottle.
Alcohol WILL only make problems worse, as I and others here well know.
You've done 5 and had a slip. Get back up and work on it Rob.
Best wishes to you.
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
