Hi, Well...... My spouse was doing better the last 4 months, and I have given him the benefit of the doubt (and many times before!). This Tuesday, I thought he had been drinking, but we were at an auction of 50 people, so I didn't say anything and hoped I was wrong. Friday he went out again with the same fellow, mushroom hunting again, and came back home the same way. There's the same smell, and he's such a happy guy. So, I know now.
However Friday eve. at 9pm, I go to sit down in the living room to relax and read, and there he sits reading an AA reader. After I sat, he put the book down about 30 seconds later.
My question(s) are this: You have seen all types and situations come through the doors of AA. Do I have the type who just likes to visit AA? Make appearances that look good? (reading) Or is he still trying to grapple something in his thinking? (I could really see my spouse still toying with the fact that he will discover a suitable controlled drinking pattern. I can really see him staying caught up in that particular insane way of thinking).
I now know that him almost losing me a second time....was not bottom enough for him.
Well I just wanted to give you my sympathies, you husband sounds like me, and what I did to my dear husband many years ago. He finally gave up on me. When I got sober , for real, we did try a reconcilliation, but it did not work for other reasons.
So I have no advice for you, have you asked your friends in Alanon???? And Phil will probably be able to give you some advice, but I cannot, sorry.
I just want you to know you are a person I have always admired, you have done so much in helping others here, have such a powerful program for yourself, have grown so much more that most other AA family members do to my way of thinking. But have to qualify that with I do not know others in Alanon.
My own husband went to Alanon, for about 6 months, he did like it, but did not have a reason for staying, I think it had to do with him being a chronic Pot smoker, 24/7. He did manage to have a successful business, and was loved by everyone that knew him.
But his use of Dope, and my new Sobriety did not mix, I am sure you understand.
All I can say is that my heart goes out to you in this difficult time.
Ok..Ile get up from my nap...just for you Sal...:) I could hear yu screamin..in my sleep...lol
And Toni hit the nail..right on the head....
And I can identify....belonging to Alanon..also...
We recovering alcoholics....can drive you nuts....sometimes.. "IF YOU LET US"...
Doesnt even need to be an alcoholic..it can be anyone...
It is quite easy to get out of our own heads...and try to get inside the other persons head...:)
I read the word "FEAR" in your post..and whats going to happen next?...and we both know..that whats going to happen....is going to happen.....and you know the saying Gal...Cant cure it...cant control it...cant kill it...and back into the NOW...
I have alcoholics in recovery...that are close to me...and I scratch my head..some days..and say to myself "what the hell, are they doin?" "Are they really aware, of their actions...and where its going to lead to?" and Ide like to speak up and say something....BUT....its not my stuff..
"Its the Live and Let Live...and love...care about..and detatch..."
Everyone has to go their own journey....even those..that are close to us...
Back into my own head....and an Alanon meeting..:)
I dont know bout you...but Ive gotta give myself a little boot in the ass some days...
Have a nice day...
-- Edited by Phil at 15:30, 2006-05-06
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Life is short..Live it sober to the fullest...One day at a time...
Hi, Well...... My spouse was doing better the last 4 months, and I have given him the benefit of the doubt (and many times before!). This Tuesday, I thought he had been drinking, but we were at an auction of 50 people, so I didn't say anything and hoped I was wrong. Friday he went out again with the same fellow, mushroom hunting again, and came back home the same way. There's the same smell, and he's such a happy guy. So, I know now.