You are reading from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day - Hardcover (24 Hours) </OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=1096>.
A.A. Thought for the Day
When I was drinking, I always tried to build myself up. I used to tell tall stories about myself. I told them so often that I half believe some of them now, even though I know they aren't true. I used to hang around the lowbrow barrooms so I could feel superior to the other customers. The reason I always tried to build myself up was that I knew deep down in my heart that I really didn't amount to anything. It was a kind of defense against my feeling of inferiority. Do I still build myself up?meditation for the DayGod thought about the universe and brought it into being. His thought brought me into being. I must think God's thought after Him. I must often keep my mind occupied with thoughts about God and meditate on the way He wants me to live. I must train my mind constantly in quiet times of communion with God. It is the work of a lifetime to develop to full stature spiritually. This is what I am on earth for. It gives meaning to my life. Prayer for the Day I pray that I may think God's thoughts after Him. I pray that I may live as He wants me to live.
ME____________oh wow, this was me...bragging, telling tall stories, to make me feel good about me.....NEVER about WHO i AM , but what i can DO..........yeah, the "BS factor" was high.....i had to HAVE to DO in order to feel good about me.....drinking and fantasizing, sometimes my "other happy world" would come into this miserable and empty one and i, too, half believed some of my BS......... i too , went into the "toilet" bars, where low lifes would hang out and i would feel better.....shooting pool, i was a REAL good pool player...won the "open" 6 times in a row, and it "validated" me as a person of "worth"....i look back at it and , yeah, its cool i can play good pool, but there is MORE to life than a hell of a bank shot.........i too, did this cuz i felt so worthless.......noone there to put me down the way the perp and my mother constantly did.....people kinda looked up to me becuz i had an education, talked well, dressed decent.....but god i was empty....when the greyness of morning would come and wake me up i was the same ole miserable/ hurting/ despaired me........ yeah, defense against feeling so down on me........that hits it...this whole daily hits the way i was.......and only until i got into recovery did i realize "hey i am ok, just the way i am....i am a human BEING".......i am a part of this universe...not better--not worse....thats it....i don't have to "prove" myself to ANYone....i am a good person who is imperfect....i am accepting my "feet of clay" much better...when i screw up, i try now to learn from it and turn it into a blessing........i DO need more "higher self" work.......communing with that part of me that is connected to the other side, not this earthly plain where its all "what u have and do that counts"........
