I held off buying drink till about 8:10 pm tonight or just after.. i cant bleve i made it that long.. but i did buy drink.. and iv drank it..
But, and this might not impress many people.. i bought a set amount and i have had that.. but i didnt go back for more.. So far, lately i have drank much much more.. each night i have been completely off my tits.. i have woken up really drunk.. Today i spent almost all day in bed cos my hangover was soo bad.. I have been on holiday since last thursday (inclusive) and apart from friday morning i have been so unbelievably screwed each day.
I drank tonight.. less than two hours short of making it to a fully sober day..ffs..
But i am actualy coherent.. Tomorrow is not gona be a complete write off.. I might be affected when i wake up but i wont be completey off my head..
I just hope tomorrow i can make it .. i really thought for a while that today i was gona not gona drink.. ffs
OK so i guess most people reading this are not impressed much at all..
But in comparison to lately.. tonight is an acheivment..
I even got the sweats of withdrawls cos i havent had anywhere near as much as normal..
I am so looking forward to a better day tomorrow.. I did wish for a completely sober night and a nice start to tomorrow.. but least i wont wake up like i have the last few days.. I have had a really bad few days,.. Some of my worst.
I will actualy chose to go to sleep tonight.. rather than just one minute be drinking and the next minute its morning..
I did want more drink last night. I got the familiar feeling of kinda dread that i was not gona have enought. But by this point the offi was already closed. Quite a few times in the past i have ended up raiding my mum and dads supply.. though i realy dont like what they drink. I didnt do that last night.. Although i wanted more drink i was kinda just pleased that i hadnt gone completely ballistic. Iv been gettin so completely waisted lately..
I took a sleep aid (One A Night Nytol) bit it didnt help much.. i didnt get alot of sleep and iv got withdrawls.. im as jittery as hell right now.. I dont appear to be shaking much on the outside, i seem to be able to hold my hand relatively straight but inside im shaking.. jittering. I was sweating alot in bed, had to change my t-shirt.
I wonder how bad the withdrawls would be if i had not had anything to drink last night...
Today i am going to try to stay 100% sober... Back to work tomorrow.. Im hoping ill get my car back today but i guess thats fairly unlikely.
I tried to read the big book yesterday but i felt so wrotten i just couldnt take any of it in. Also following a nights drinking sometimes i will be reading then suddenly i cant see the page infront of me... not a total black out blindness just .. im not sure how to describe it..my vision just goes all funny and for a second i just cant see the writtin.. i think is just on things up close or if i try to concentrate hard on txt. doesnt seem to affect me on the pc though so much.. This isnt a new thing this is something iv been aware of for some years now.. But when iv not been drinking for a couple of days or more i dont get it at all. Anyone else had this sort of thing?
I might try to read some today if my head is in better shape.. This time yesterday morning i was really drunk and my head had a storm going on inside it..
Hmm my hand does appear to be shaking abit whilst half resting on the edge of my desk.
"At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 24~
Hi Rob, drinking less is a step in the right direction. I tried it for a while, I found that one of two things happened:
1) The amount I was drinking would gradually build up over a period of days until I was back on the whole £7.49 bottle of Sainsburys Scotch each night.
2) Or, I'd have a bad day at work and just think F**k it......£7.49 gone again.
Sound familiar?
The only way that worked for me to stop drinking was to STOP DRINKING.
Hope your feeling ok this morning.
Best wishes
Chris.
__________________
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
I remember the controlled drinking, that was more miserable than blackouts, cos I had the drink and the craving for more but could not get more. I stopped altogether, dont know how, whilst reading a book called the easy way alan carr, i do not reccomend it to anyone, it tells you all the minuses of drinking bla bla bla then at the last chapter it says something like go on take another drink make it a big one of something you hate!! ( I couldnt do it, id been sober three days, and id know what would happen if i took that first and alleged last, id be battered and on the road again. F_)*(K that! I went to a.a and clung for dear life
jsut think what you can buy at the end of the month, with the saving of £10 a day. (for me it was £10 cos i mix'd the drinks) Thats £300 per month you'd save! go on holiday! buy a new outfit,. by a blow up doll, oops but you know what i mean, for the first year every month i got a new bit for my studio, and repaired the financial damage, I cant believe it but i sold a £1000 piece of kit for £100 so I could drink. id do anything now not to drink.
better still dont drink for 3 months and buy me a new motorbike!!! only kidding, but the stress on your bank will be the first thing you notice, then your head will clear and you will be able to think, your interests will come back, you will make friends , and bang you wil feel alive again, give it 3 months from today! if you are NOT satisfied, you can have all your shit back with interest, check the promises out, it works both ways.
I wish you luck, there is a meeting tomoz in wycombe, I live £140 miles away but i know that, go to it and listen, if you want, share, but go to the meeting. see what other support there is, in notts there is a place where i get addiction counselling and its free! i just pay 50p a day for tea,. when i was drinking, i would have thought my life today is boring, but today, i am happy.
