A man bought a camel from a woman at the market, the woman said "to make him go say 'phew' to make him stop say 'Amen'."
So the man hopped on the camel and said 'Phew' to make him go. The camel started running out of control. The man couldn't remember what to say to make him stop so he started calling out any old words "peanut butter sandwiches', 'abracadabra". He then noticed the cliff edge coming up, he prayed to god; "Please help me, save my soul, Amen...."
The camel stopped right there, inches away from the edge of the cliff.
A panda walked into a bar and went up to the barman and said: "I want a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please." The barman took his order and the Panda went to sit down at a table. Soon, a waiter took over the meal, the Panda gobbled it up, thanked, tipped the waiter and paid his bill.
All seemed normal until the Panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter dead.
The barman rushed over and said: "Argh!! You just shot my friend!!!" The Panda calmly replied: "Do you know what I am?" "Of Course I do," the barman answered, "you're a Panda!" "Good," the Panda replied, "now go home and look me up in the dictionary." And with that, the Panda walked out of the bar.
The barman was a little unsure, but he was very eager to be enlightened on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary and after a while he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition...
PANDA: 1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.
