Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God. He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position.
A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311
The great mystery is: "Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the 'independence' of our ego, while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?" Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued.
That ego stuff..almost took this alky to the grave...
I would be knocked right into the ground...and barely twitchin....
And saying..."Help me up...Im not done fighting yet."
Insane stuff...
Stubborness....Reaching out for help? Not me...Ile do it my way...Im smarter than you guys...
Yaaaa..Bullcrap eh?
Would rather die,...than admit to others..that I couldnt handle this myself...
And yup.....I was sicker than some...
Whats the song? "Oh Lord..its hard to be humble..when youre perfect in every way."
Self centered to the core...instincts run riot...and a brain..that was fried...
I didnt get sober..because I had a desire to stop drinking...
It came to the point where...it was pull the trigger...or make a phone call...
There really was no choice....because a little voice inside said to me...
"Buddy..your times up...youve tried every way there possibly is.. to handle it your way...and it didnt work..
Now..try it my way...or die...
I beleive that voice was a Higher Power...
I had been drinking 24 hours a day for a week...everyone was gone..everything was gone...
I stood over a kitchen sink...poured a glass of straight rye..down the sink...looked up..and said..."If there is a God..help me." and made the phone call...
Well..thats my share for the day...
Have a good one guys...
__________________
Life is short..Live it sober to the fullest...One day at a time...
Good to see you here this morning, was wondering where you were, and then, here you are.
An Ego Maniac with an Inferiority Complex. Remember those days well. Try to remember them everyday, where I came from. Keeps me humble to God, and the memory of giving up everything, (well there was nothing left to give up, everyone and everything was gone), what was left was just me and my sickness.
Phil put his story of surrender in print this morning, and when I read it, I thought "Thanks Phil, you also told my story of defeat", RESCUED by defeat. Amen to those words, as Bob puts on the Board all the time, We surrender to Win. Some of us make in here, holding on by just our fingernails, and how we came into the Program, we are Here, Thanks to a Higher Power, that I choose to call God.
Thank you this morning for this reminder of what a Greatful Heart I have every day, every 24 hour day, when I do the work required to keep the Gift of Sobriety.
(Paul, just a personal question, where is our Spring, looks like it is passing us by this year, or arriving way behind schedule, eh?) I'm going to start thinking of this Season as a behind scheduled United Air Lines flight. They are always late, right.
I tried to get sober in AA for ten years. Never more than sixty day at a stretch. We've all seen people like that. It doesn't seem to matter what they do. People in meetings say things "He doesn't want it bad enough." Not true. I wanted it real bad. Toward the end of my drinking, the consequences were bad and my family didn't want me around.
I wanted to get sober. But there was still something I thought I could do about it. Today I realize that there is nothing I can do about my drinking. AA is for people who can't do anything about it. Alcohol is the great persuader. I brings me to a place I can't bring myself to. I can't bring about my own surrender and smash my own ego. The quote to start this thread was from Dr. Harry Tiebout, a great early friend of AA. I recommend reading what he says about surrender and the necessity for ego reduction. You'll find it in AA Comes Of Age.
The so-called only requirement to sit in an AA meeting and call myself a member is not, never was, and never will be the only requirement to recover.
