I kind of feel sad today. I just came to the realization today that I honestly don't ever want to drink and drug ever again. I guess when I got sober before I always had a lurking notion that someday I might want to go at it again. I've spent about eight years of my life behind bars due to crimes to support my addictions. I've lost the only person I ever really loved to this disease. I've destroyed too many relationships with friends and family. I've suffered enough. I don't choose to inflict pain upon myself today. I used to create circumstances which were bound to fail and bring misery.

I don't really know how to function in society. I don't have any friends, except at meetings. I still sometimes feel really alone. I know how to work and go to meetings and share. I don't know how to do much else. Life is getting better but by no means is it easy. This change thing is constant but often slow.

I was thinking about leaving this board. I really hate to see sober people fighting in here. I respect all of you. I really feel like shit though. Maybe it will pass. Who really cares anyway? I went to my meeting bummed that this shits going on. What's up with the tenth step? That's a step people that have worked steps 1-9 work daily, right? Theirs definitely been some wrongs done and who evers big enough should own up to their shit. Oh yeah, please use private message from now on instead of polluting the board. I'm not really trying to make any friends with this post so if I've offended anyone, that's okay. There are only a few people in here that seem to care anyways. God bless all of you. I really feel like shit.