Hi everyone. I thought I was going to be working today in the factory/warehouse, whatever it is, but I ended up on the computer for eight hours absorbing information about procedure and safety. God I feel like my brain has been through the blender.
Just got off the phone with my sponsor and he wants me to start reading step three in the 12&12. That's cool and everything but I really don't like the fact that step four comes after three!!! I've been thinking about this these last few days. I don't have a problem with doing a thorough fourth step but I have a problem sharing it with someone who's helping me. I feel like if I get totally honest bad things will happen. I guess I have a question for the sponsors in here. Have you ever run into this with one of your sponsees? Where they said I'm not doing my fifth step with you....
I know I shouldn't be worrying about this right now but my brain doesn't like to shut off. I've talked to a couple of other people in the program who have done their fifth with a priest who has heard alot of fifth steps but I'm not sure about that one. Maybe if I could find a christian pastor or something. Confusion..........
I just think it's imperative to my recovery that I clean that freaking closet out, spider webs and all. I don't want to lose this precious gift of sobriety. I feel good today but I know I have to really stay on top of things now in order to grow spiritually. I'm convinced this is the answer to all my problems, to keep growing and to have a spiritual awakening. I had a year sober minus a day and I went back out there. I can't do it again. I know if I go back out there I won't be lucky enough to die, I'll have to live through it and deal with life behind bars or in a sanitarium if I'm lucky.
I'm gonna go jump in the shower and hit a meeting. Any responses are greatly appreciated.
You sound like youre on a pretty good track buddy...
I did my fifth with 4 different people...and it was over a period of one year...One was a councellor...one was a trusted buddy in AA..one was a Catholic Preist (Im not Catholic)....and the fourth person was someone Ide known for a long time in AA..that I thought could be fully trusted..but couldnt..
The stuff I dumped on that 4rth person...was not kept confidential...so...trust was broken...and thats another story, in itself...
The reason it took a full year, is when I first did it...I found that there was still stuff...uncovered in the closet...
So...it was like peeling an onion...layer by layer...
As a sponsor....I have had 2 sponsees do their fifth...with someone else...and it has worked out great..for them...
When the time comes Im ready to do another fifth...I think it will be with the Catholic preist...
Youve come a long way buddy..in a short time....have a good weekend...
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Life is short..Live it sober to the fullest...One day at a time...
I'm glad you have a 12x12 book. It's surprising how many people don't, and think that the Big Book is all it. If you are anticipating the future Steps, I think it would be helpful for you to read the 5th Step in the 12x12 book. It talks about some of the options we have in who to share it with, and it is often not the sp0nsor, so the sponsor should not feel like it's a personal thing at all. I agree with Phil that Catholic priests,,, one that you find you can relate to and trust,, are trained for such things and are used to hearing people's secrets and giving good counsel. Episcopalian priests are similar in training.
I'm glad you're progressing in the Steps,, and preparing to go past Step 3. Many people don't do Step 4, or the ones beyond that,, but it is not enough just to say that God is going to handle everything. We need to do our part, and the self-improvement part of the program is very, very helpful.
God bless you and your efforts,
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Thanks Phil and Amanda for your comments. I did a fifth last year but I kept some things to myself and I never felt that sense of release people talk about. Maybe I expected too much, I don't really know. All I know is I have a lot of stuff that haunts me that I need to deal with.
me too. I have heard others say it is like an onion too,,, I don't know.. I guess it is that recovery is a lifetime process. There were some things too for me,, that are very hard to talk about,, and for those it is good to get to know a minister type person or counselor that can be trusted. They are trained to help people work through difficult issues,,, more than just a friend or other AA person.
God bless you,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
