I feel that Helen is depressed as a result of me getting into uni, because it puts off her plans for the next 3 years, and I am not sure how to deal with it, I have put Helen and other people before me, for the vast majority of my life and now I am taking action to better myself and I do not feel it is selfish to want to better myself. It is slefish in my opinion to go along with something to gain something else for yourself, which I am no longer doing.
"The only Constant thing in Life is Change". Neverending changes, and it sounds like you are doing pretty well with the changes happening in your life today. By the way, have you thought about looking for work at the University you will be attending. I worked at UCSF for a couple of years, and the atnosphere was one of the best enviornments I have ever been in. If I had not moved away to Seattle with my husband, I would have stayed for a very long time.
Something you might want to check out. They usually have their Positions that are open, posted somewhere, some even have their own employment center. Just something to think about.
Is it possible to get help for her? For her depression? Depression is often clinical as well as mental.. Maybe she is ill?.. I hope for the best for you two.. Rob
so far, i have got her st johns wort, got her a counsellor and also set her up with some online help groups, she has been to a counselling session but does not appear to be doing the online stuff, i think i need to detach now.
My mom was really into codependency with me. I had no life of my own, but she expected me to take care of her and supply her needs always,,, for company and for keeping hte family running and other unmet needs and wants she had. When I went into recovery and told her that I was going to develop myself and not be into unhealthy stuff anymore... and that she would have to adjust herself,, she got very upset,,, part of the being upset was to try to manipulate me. It always used to work that if she got very upset I'd be afraid and guilty and get back into the bondage. this time I really stood firm for a long time,,, whhile she tried this and that,, tears, anger, pleading. I finally told her that if she kept it up I would just have to separate from her for awhile. She stopped. Later on, when she saw the the changes in me were really good ones,, she went into recovery also. sometimes we do have to detach from all the emotional black-mail and button pressing that a controlling person does to get their own way.
God bless you,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
There are people that Specialize in Couples Therapy. With all the changes that you are both going through, it might be something to look into. We used such a Couple, a husband and wife team that specialized in the field of working with both parties, to help them get out of the "it's your Problem, no, it's your Problem" Rut, and talk openly with both people and take them out of the old communication, that has stopped working, into a new way of looking at their relationship. It helped me a lot, especially in the "being stuck in old, worn out communications" part.
