Well I won the grand national yesterday,.. out of the £1.25 I put on I won £20 so I paid to take my partner out for sunday lunch and had a roast with all the trimmings. I feel that things are going my way for once, Soon I will be able to quit my F/T job and get a P/T job, I am not going to give it too much power but my job has helped keep me on antidepressants for 4 years.
Now I have got into uni, it has changed my partners plans, even though I am trying to accomidate as much as I can. every time she goes online she goes to estate agent websites then complains to me that she cant afford to buy on her own, (which is her desision as she does not wish to wait until i finish my study)
I am also under pressure to give her children which again I feel would be a better idea when I finish study. I have learned that I hav enot really got a great deal of input in this relationship and now that I am doing something for myself after years, all hell is braking loose.
I am quite tempted to go into student housing, it would be alot better financially if nothing else.
I am worried my partner is going to drag me down and then I wont do anything.
Congratulations on winning Robert.....Didn't realise you were running!
Seriously congrats on getting into uni,learn and look after yourself. Be aware though that a degree will not nececerally guarentee the job you are looking for. All the best anyway.
Good luck
Chris.
-- Edited by Cabbageheadchris at 16:31, 2006-04-09
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Right that the job of our dreams may not be at the end of the degree,,, but a degree looks pretty good on any job resume. It's always good to develop ourselves,,, and you were saying before that you don't have any skills, so here is a chance to get some,,, think about what kind of study you want to pursue to get you into a good career.
About dragging down,,, reminds me of the story I told a while back.. about the crabs in a bucket... when one tries to climb out the others grab it and drag it back down. Do what you have to do, Robert. You are not just a drone for the queen bee. You are a precious treasure and child of God in your own right.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Congratulations on winning Robert.....Didn't realise you were running! Seriously congrats on getting into uni,learn and look after yourself. Be aware though that a degree will not nececerally guarentee the job you are looking for. All the best anyway. Good luck Chris.-- Edited by Cabbageheadchris at 16:31, 2006-04-09
your right but I will be five years sober by then and hopefully less depressed.
For what it's worth... I've found that my fear of being alone was a really an impediment to my relationship with my partner. Although that fear can still creep in I continue to confront it. I've felt a lot better over time examining and confronting my various fears (and there are legion).
And Congratulations on winning. You mentioned the depression. I have had the experience that attending a University (in Recovery), setting is so stimulating, at least it was for me, made my brain have to do some stretching, and it was really very much an Anti-Depressant, all by itself.
I hope that the experience of starting and going through the process, with all of it's challenges will prove to be such a positive experience for you.
My own sense, is that when we are dragged down in life, such as the job you had for 4 years, that you never felt good about, that alone can create a depression, at least it has in the past for me. Being stuck in a dead-end job, can feel so stiffeling. What happens in Recovery, is we begin to understand, after years of drinking, that alone is such a depressant, and ad a completely "unfullfilling" job, that combination can create a 'never going to get anywhere' feeling, and that alone can create a depression.
It sounds like something you were really hoping for has materialized, and that is so fantastic, probably gives you a new sense of hope.
I will be Praying that the University envirornment will help you with the depression you have been feeling. Feels like a new frontier, with all its wonder is before you, and I am so happy for you. Just wanted you to know that.
Toni
P.S. When I saw the horse, I thought of you automatically. Now You can be in the race, I have a hunch you are going to be one of the winners.
