Hello everybody,

I have been thinking about moving in with my ex. I talked to her two nights ago and told her that I couldn't do it. Not now. I'm not in any position to leave this area into a possibly stressful environment. The way I look at it I won't be able to care for anyone else like I want to until I work through the steps and resolve some of my problems.

Last night I stayed at the meeting place for six hours. It was pretty cool. I sat through two aa meetings and a business meeting for the club. I thought the business meeting had something to do with aa until I asked and was told differently.LOL! I guess you learn something new everyday.

The last meeting was a really rough one. I was moved to speak about some painful memories due to something someone said. I probably said a couple of things I regret but the lady who I referred to when I spoke told me thankyou after the meeting. I felt like what I said was confrontational and I'm not good about confronting anyone about anything. I just said what I said because I care and I hate to see people suffering in this program.

I guess one thing that I possess is a good sense of insight. I've always viewed empathy as being a weakness. I don't like feeling other peoples pain. I guess that's part of why I wanted to try and move back in with my ex. plus I miss all the people in the program from when I lived in that area up north of here. One thing I need to do is question my motives because my decision making process is broken. Damn wires are crossed somewhere up there!!!

When I was done talking at the meeting last night I was hit by this incredible urge to go get drunk. It was really powerful. Right in the middle of the meeting this happened. That was a first. I guess dredging up pain can do that. I feel better today though.

I really do love this forum. I think I'm gonna call my sponsor so I wish you all a good day. Spring has sprung. Nice weather out here in Chicagoland. Take care everyone.