Well i didnt go to the meeting tonight.. gees im so tired tonight.. even more so when i first left work... I kept thinking of walking into the meeting and the guy called Carl outside sayin "how are you doing?... improvement?".. he said somethign like that last week ..and also facing alan.. . And having to say that no.. i had still been drinking every night.. And i expect alan would tell me that its a killer disease etc. and that im just doing what alcoholics do etc.. and he would say for me to call him and he may offer a suggestion again.. And this is all really nice.. and i guess its what they gota do.. and i honestly do appreciate that.. but i just couldnt face that tonight not f2f stuff.. soo tired.. and just couldnt face it.. i did think of trying a diff meetin but too far way fro me tonight..
I want to go to a meeting and say iv got x amount of days.. even if its just one.. To hear a 'well done' and see smiles over this.. etc.. I just couldnt face the advice and the talking tonight.. i did wana hear what other people had to say. i just didnt want anyone to talk to me really tonight f2f.
Too tired.. kinda long day and just worn out..
So.. i decided that if i didnt go to a meetin then i would not have a drink.. infact i didnt really feel like drinking.. to a degree u understand.. i still felt the urge.. but it was like i was simply too tired in mysefl to go there.. I told myself inthe car on the way to the kebab van, from work, "If you go home and not to a meeting then you cant drink, if you go to a meeting then you can drink afterwards.. ok!?" .. said that outloud to myself... Went and got my kebab.. eat it and sat thinkin..
Came home.. buggerd about on the net.. had a bath.. came back online again.. sent an email.. And had to wait till 10 pm to post this.. Because the offi closes at 10 pm.. and as its closed and i dont have any alcohol here with me.. well I dont think so anyway...... so i cant drink tonight..
Alcohol, you lose today.. Tonight I sleep with sobriety.
Well done Rob, just try to keep the sobriety going. The first 24 hours are the hardest (was for me anyway!)
Got to go to bed. It's been a long day!
Ps: saw your post about where you live, That must be one hell of a drive to get to Shell!
Bye for now
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Yeah i know.. .. might be abit of a wanky nights sleep.. and i have no clue if im gona drink tomorrow or not.. but as im learnining.. i dont have to.. cos i dont have to not drink tomorrow.. i just gota not drink today..
.......
217 miles mate.. .. Usualy about 4 hours.. i never usualy mind the drive there but i usualy hate the drive back..
Oh, Rob, how awesomely wonderful! One hellofa hug sent across the Atlantic to you! Via the rest of the states, of course, LOL. God, I feel as proud as if it were my own kid what done dat! Just for today, Rob, just for today. I know this is a major for you, so hug yourself for me, eh? Make us old ladies happy, LOL, Love Wren
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
Actualy you helped me fill the time.. i wasnt gona go to the shop.. it did cross my mind a couple of times. but i was kinda set on the idea.. infact when i was in the bath.. i was thinking that tonight.. the prospect of gettn everyones possitive responses on here was a much nicer and more important prospect than gettin a drink.. tonight..
But you helped me fill the time cos i had that email to send to you..
OK ..gives myself a big hug for all you old ladies..lol..
But seriously, thanx hun.. hugs right back at ya..
I dont feel to jittery or sweaty at mo.. had my kalms n shit.. Oh and guess what i had for supper.. lol.. Cheese n Marmite sandwhich..
That is so fantastic, I agree with Chris, well both of them in this case. Good for you, and that thinking of, well don't have to worry about tomorrow, just for Today.
Now, you made two old ladies so happy,
And when you wake up, if you can just repeat, that just for today, you my friend will be on you way.
A very big Hug is sent from California to the UK, I know I'm copying Chris. TeHe. You're probably thinking, don't you have an original thoughts today, and maybe I don't when you look at it that way. Progress, not perfection.
Glad i made you smile.. I guess im smiling abit myself right now.... Geese no feeling of self remorse or regret for gettin drunk .. or feelings of 'well ill do it tomorrow'.. Cos i did it today. Tomorrow night i may be back to where i was yesterday.. but not tonight.
Are you speed reading my Resonses, Ha Ha I said, actually both Chris's in this case, if you were speed reading over, I forgive you. HA HA.
Rob, as far as tomorrrow goes, no one ever knows that one, I could decide to drive my car off a bridge tomorrow, chances are real good that I won't, but you never know what tomorrow will bring, that is a GIVEN for all of us.
God Bless for just being here, no conditions really, it appears that you are struggling, and if it is any comfort to you, WE ALL struggle in the first year, I have yet to see anyone that did not.
Just for today, Good Work,
Toni
P.S. As far as the statement about the bridges, that's a safe comment, 'cause there ain't no bridges around here. Another ha ha.
And when you wake up, if you can just repeat, that just for today, you my friend will be on you way
Actualy decisions like that are made alot in the mornings.. but i am finding i have to make those decisions late afternoon.. or as i leave from work.. morning wishes can be completely turned around.. I mean i felt so shit monday morning i really did.. so hung over.. and i said to myself mid morning "There is no way that i am going to drink tonight. no way".. and guess what i did monday night.....
But yeah if i can hold onto the right frame of mind tomorrow night.. .. But yeah.. ill stop thinking about tomorrow..
Geese its 0:11 so that means tomorow is actualy today now.. lol.. hmm i better get some sleep.. but hard to settle at mo ya know..
You just made my day! Really! I have had the day from hell and yesterday too and have been stewing in my own self pity and I got home from work just now and got online and the first thing I saw was your post
"I didn't go to a meeting today but I didn't drink either"
My heart is full of happiness for you. Thank you.
I know what you mean about those morning decisions....my mornings were always like that....
"Man, I feel like shit! No drinking tonight!" and then by the time I got off work I was ready for a drink or two...actually 10 or 12....
One hour, one minute, one second at a time was all I could do at first....
Good going! Today is all we have. I heard a while back that the Serenity prayer was around before AA, and looked it up last week. It has a second part I have really related to lately. Here it is...Keep it on, my friend. paul
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life... Amen
Well,,, alright!! I think I remember you did stop drinking a little while ago too, right? So I'm glad you're trying it again. I had to laugh a little at your logic... that if you didn't go to a meeting you couldn't drink,,, but if you did you could drink after. lol Now you do have one day that you can say at the meeting tomorrow. *grins* I know what you mean about not wanting to face people who are going to give advice or ask questions sometimes. And I can see that you are picking up some of the principles and using them too.. That's great, Rob. I'm glad that writing to wren occupied your time in a constructive way also.
God bless you,
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I had to laugh a little at your logic... that if you didn't go to a meeting you couldn't drink,,, but if you did you could drink after. lol
Well i so much didnt wana face the meeting i was sayin to myself.. 'if you really wana drink then you are gona have to face that meetin and alan and everyone'....
Lol yeah i realised after how amusing and kinda backwards that probably sounded.. lol
